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Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Living with a ADHD partner

16 replies

IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:26

My partner has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has more of ADD rather than ADHD. He struggles to focus on tasks and has all the typical symptoms. We have 2 children and we've been together since 2017.
I have always found him untidy and unorganised but I was always told by people around me including my MIL that "most men are like that".
Now that I've got children, I am really struggling and I feel burnt out. I am forever cleaning after him and he is barely involved in anything at home other than spending time with kids (playing etc). I take over most almost all the household chores, clean after him and two kids and I also work part time to contribute towards the household expenses.
I feel overly tired and emotional most of the time. He struggles to do bare minimum i.e. my dd was gifted a kitchen set recently that needed assembling and he has been promising her for weeks but instead he's on his phone or just sat there wasting time.
I think what concerns me the most is his meltdowns. Living with him is like walking on the eggshell and his explosive reaction to something so minor affects me alot. I know this is another sign of ADHD. But I am struggling, I don't like my children seeing that either
I really don't know what I can do to help him. I feel so exhausted all the time and I have no time for myself because I'm having to take over literally EVERYTHING!
I feel very upset most of the time.
I'm not sure if he's struggling to see it or just refuses to acknowledge how burnt out I am. Everytime mention to him, I feel like he's not even interested and has no care whatsoever.

He is on a waitinglist to see someone at the hospital regarding ADHD.

Is anyone else going through what I am, and any suggestions please as I am really tired of it all but I have 2 dependents and they have a very good relationship with my partner

OP posts:
loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:35

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loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:36

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IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:47

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Yes

OP posts:
loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:48

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IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:48

He is very good with children, despite his condition, he tries his best to spend time with them, pushes himself to go out with them etc

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loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:48

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IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:49

Yes maybe I didn't phrase it correctly. Happy to edit

OP posts:
IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:49

Yes from home

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loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:49

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IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:50

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Yes from home

OP posts:
IMRAA · 02/07/2024 15:51

He has got a good job, works 3 days a week
Because he wants to spend the rest of the days with the family and he's happy with the income he is getting

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loriginale · 02/07/2024 15:51

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HundredMilesAnHour · 02/07/2024 19:10

I'm not sure if he's struggling to see it or just refuses to acknowledge how burnt out I am. Everytime mention to him, I feel like he's not even interested and has no care whatsoever.

This is because he's a selfish arsehole and it has nothing to do with ADHD.

Living with him is like walking on the eggshell and his explosive reaction to something so minor affects me alot. I know this is another sign of ADHD.

Again no. Yes with ADHD we may struggle with emotional dysregulation and/or we may experience rejection sensitivity but sounds like he has an anger management problem and ADHD is being used as an excuse.

Having ADHD does NOT mean being an arsehole. In fact it is frequently the opposite - people with ADHD tend to be very sensitive to others moods and pick up on things that NT people don't. We are usually very adept at reading people (and often end up as people pleasers).

IMRAA · 02/07/2024 21:48

HundredMilesAnHour · 02/07/2024 19:10

I'm not sure if he's struggling to see it or just refuses to acknowledge how burnt out I am. Everytime mention to him, I feel like he's not even interested and has no care whatsoever.

This is because he's a selfish arsehole and it has nothing to do with ADHD.

Living with him is like walking on the eggshell and his explosive reaction to something so minor affects me alot. I know this is another sign of ADHD.

Again no. Yes with ADHD we may struggle with emotional dysregulation and/or we may experience rejection sensitivity but sounds like he has an anger management problem and ADHD is being used as an excuse.

Having ADHD does NOT mean being an arsehole. In fact it is frequently the opposite - people with ADHD tend to be very sensitive to others moods and pick up on things that NT people don't. We are usually very adept at reading people (and often end up as people pleasers).

Alongside ADHD, He has also been experiencing anxiety and depression and I feel like that makes him frustrated some days. I wish he at least acknowledges how much burden there is on my shoulders because he can't even function some of the days and I have to take over. I feel like there is no acknowledgement and I'm just being asked to get on with it.

OP posts:
sevsal · 03/07/2024 14:16

Is anyone else going through what I am

No, because I am the ND person which will be the case for the majority of people on this board.

That said I would not stay with a man as you describe. If not for you, please leave him for your children. Not because he has ADHD, because he is a cunt.

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