Autism in girls

[cantdecidewhatsbest]

Hi,

My beautiful, kind and clever 9 year old girl, is, I am almost certain, autistic. I've know since she was tiny that she was different.

She is a 'text book' Autistic girl in the respect that she is highly achieving in school, highly anxious, has enormous meltdowns every afternoon/evening, mimics other girls in social situations, and if I hear, 'we don't see this in school' one more time, I may scream!!

Like many girls in her situation, she is not yet diagnosed. My husband is having a hard time getting to grips with the idea of a formal diagnosis.

She is becoming more and more aware of the symptoms she's experiencing, and is now asking me, 'what's wrong with her?' 'Why does she have so much anger every day?', ' why does she cry so much?'

She is highly compliant at school, and completely flops when we get her home, huge crying, extremely easily overwhelmed and triggered. - cue hours of dysregualted tears.

Whilst I work on DH, I need to recommend texts to share with her to develop her understanding of who she is. She loves to read and have me read with her. I think this will be a useful first step in understanding who she is.

Thank you

It's great that you have your daughter's back.

I would bypass your husband and start your daughter on whatever pathway is required to have her assessed. The waiting lists can be long and time is not on your side.

I don't have a reading list yet because I've not long been diagnosed myself.

https://www.booktrust.org.uk/book/a/a-different-sort-of-normal/

This book is amazing!

My daughter's just been diagnosed as autistic and DH also didn't believe it. He thought I was projecting/looking for labels. I'm autistic myself, and I knew, although hoped I was actually projecting. [And before anyone says there's nothing wrong with being autistic, no there isn't but as someone who's been in burnout for the last 6-12 months, I absolutely was hoping trying to fit into an NT world was something that would come naturally to my daughter so she never had to face the same].

I agree with @MaidofAle. Bypass your husband for now (if my husband had tried to say 'no' I would have told him to piss off) and get on the waiting lists. You can deal with what he does/doesn't feel about it later.

You could try “A Kind of Spark” by Elle McNichol. I suspect my 11 y o DD is autistic. She got this book when she was about your daughter’s age and has read it several times. She says that she identifies with the main character. I have read it too; it’s lovely.

Please get her assessed . If she is - the sooner she is recognised as being autistic - the sooner she will start to understand the wonderful unique person that she is.

not putting a name to it - will not stop her from being the person that she is - but not putting a name to it - denies her understanding that she is autistic and awesome.

please help her to understand who she is - please help her to get the diagnosis that recognises who she is and validates her as she deserves…

pretending she is NT will not make this true.

Naming her diagnosis - validates and affirms her for all that she is.

help her to be the best autistic women that she can be .