How do you create the feeling of a break when you never get a break?

[MyNameIsIDontKnow]

Life is relentless as a single parent to AuDHD DS12. He is really struggling with school and it is a constant worry. I am also AuDHD, work 30 hrs and just need a bloody break from it all! As this isn't practically possible I am curious how other people manage to create moments that give them a bit of relief from the drudgery and stress of everyday life.

Father comes here to see him a couple of evenings but never has him overnight.

Yes, son does game but I am still on tenterhooks in case there is a meltdown over failed tech or something. It is a bit of a break but not the mind break I need! His meltdowns are getting bigger and scarier as he gets older.

Plays a bit of football with him sometimes, mostly is just there as DS usually is gaming with friends online.

Oh bless you. Do you have a commute or a lunch break that you could find some peaceful time in? Sometimes I find just driving somewhere while the sun is shining, with a tasty snack/drink and something nice to listen to can provide that little moment of bliss! I sat in a carpark and enjoyed listening to (a bit of) a Terry Pratchett audio book while eating a cheeky Macdonalds lunch from a drive-through, while my baby was asleep in her carseat the other day - thoroughly enjoyed myself!

@Everythingwinniethepooh Yes! I love this - it is making those moments and I think recognising them as mini-breaks - like taking a deep out breath sigh (whilst in the car enjoying an audiobook and a cheeky mcdonalds!). I think the trick is remembering to spot and therefore savour those moments. I guess that is what mindfulness is.

Oh God...tech meltdowns...<shudder> can't relax. Sudden loud noises..

@BlackeyedSusan I know - the tech meltdowns are the worst aren't they! Also in my DS's case the ones that take longest to get over as until the issue is resolved he can't calm down but he also won't let me near to try and fix whatever is going on. Or won't hear 'it is ok we can get a new mouse' (or whatever).

Also yes to the sudden loud noises. People (including DS) don't get how unbearable they are.

This is why just being at home isn't necessarily a break. I mean it is ok but there is always the undercurrent of it could all kick off at any moment - which isn't exactly relaxing.

Exactly...there is always the potential for a meltdown...which is stressful: hypervigilant might be one of the descriptions we are looking for.

Yes @BlackeyedSusan - you are right, it is the hypervigilance that makes it so hard to relax. Some say unpleasant feelings can be dissipated (a bit) if we can name them so that is helpful. Also if you reframe that to include naming the positive feelings, brings it back to spotting the nice mini-moments and appreciating them - I suppose that is what people are starting to call 'glimmers'.

Like now, DS is still asleep and I am lying in bed listening to the birds outside and nothing bad is going to happen (for at least the next few minutes!). I am safe and content in this moment.

Sleeping teen here too...

I also think that dropping everything not essential and just doing the essential so that there is time for mental health...as a disabled carer.

I think the only time that I can properly relax is when they are sleeping or at school. (If you are not getting phone calls)

I've got 10 weeks min of them being home now. Then a new phase of taking disabled teens to possibly two different colleges!

Are the weeks at home better or worse than the school weeks for you @BlackeyedSusan? For us the absence of the demands of school makes them better so counting down the five or so weeks until then!