Can't keep a lid on my weirdness any more

[Electricblankettime]

When I was a child autism and adhd wasnt really a thing and it especially wasn't a thing for females. I was just classed as weird as a child.

When I became an adult I graduated to being eccentric.

Now I'm menopausal I can't force the weirdness down any more. I hand flap in public and can't stop myself, I forget to say things acceptably, I can't think how to respond to questions on the spot in public and just kind of close down like I've ran out of batteries.

I have another 15 years to work before I can retire and I think a diagnosis would really help me. Doctor things no point as I'm an old bag and can't explain why I need a diagnosis (cos I can't answer questions on the spot but it is to help me at work be allowed breaks to reset myself)

Also as I have achieved so much, have friends, am quite extrovert I don't meet all the things.

Has anyone found they became more autistic and couldn't keep things in with menapause and how do I ask for a referral. Gp did give me the adhd assessment questionnaire but not one for autism.

I know what you mean. I talk to myself, not a general chat but blurt out a certain phrase when I'm tired or stressed. Have always managed to not do it in front of other people but I'm really bloody struggling with it now.

Can you self-refer to the diagnostic service for your area?

There is no option to self refer on my area. It's a good idea though thank you

I've finally been to the GP @Electricblankettime and asked for assessments for ADHD & ASD. I found it really tough asking, OH suggested I asked lady August and it's taken me this long but the GP was lovely, asked me a few questions, got me to fill in a quick form and did the referrals there and then. Now the very long wait.

@CadyEastman I think it depends on your area.

In my area you can only be referred for one at a time, I just went for autism first, I was referred in November and diagnosed in March through the SWYT NHS services.

However my brother has been referred for ADHD and is still awaiting his first assessment and it's almost been a year.

I hope you're not waiting too long for answers.

Think it's a coupe of years here although I'm not certain. Thanks for replying

Your GP is not there to give her opinion on whether it’s useful for you to have an assessment. Insist on referral and wait for it to happen.

I was 53 when diagnosed. It was useful for me to finally know WHY I am the way I am and to ask for a few accommodations in my life. I’m not aloof or cold, I’m not antisocial but I AM different. I needed to know.

@Jessica3075 ho did you find the process of being assessed? DD is on the Pathway but it's just so very long.

I was lucky, “eventually”.

Id been to my GP, who’d dismissed me with the “we all have our idiosyncrasies/ everyone is on the spectrum”. Ten years passed. My son was diagnosed aged 4 with ASD. He’s an adult now. In the process of his diagnosis and after, i saw myself and having a new GP by then, insisted on referral. Adult assessment is quicker. We can answer for ourselves and the psychologist later told me she knew before I walked into her room, having read my questionnaire and supporting letters from family.

The relief for me, was huge. My mother refused to accept it. As did my husband.

Not because of menopause, but...I just ran out of the energy required to mask. That's what eventually pushed me to get a diagnosis - I was gradually becoming a complete shut-in, because I just couldn't do anything social (or even go to the office) without three days to recover.

I think for a lot of autistic people, it's an age thing - stuff that's easy in your teens, 20s and 30s becomes really difficult in your 40s and impossible in your 50s. Not for everyone, obviously, but I've heard a lot of men saying the same thing.

Obviously, I can imagine the menopause will be exacerbating that to a fairly high degree.

My mother refused to accept it. As did my husband.

I hope that this story ends with "reader, I divorced him".

Yes, I did. He’d put me in impossible social situations and ignore me when I got “it” wrong. I’d ask for his help and he’d shut down on me for anything up to a week. I’d have to “go away and think about what” I’d done.

I got tired of it.

Yes!!! It was taking me longer and longer to recover myself following “events”. I’d have to work myself up to being ready to engage and often I’d get it wrong.

I’m much better now that I don’t have to have people in my life who found me “wanting”. I can honestly say, my friends now are a small group but I can just be myself and they like me that way.

I’m 61 btw. It was easier when I was younger. I had the energy to try … and try … and try again!

Exactly - I think this is what's behind the sudden rush of people seeking diagnosis. It's a combination of the insane requirements of the modern world - more noise, more social demands, more interruptions - being greater than they have in the history of humankind, and the fact that it gets so much harder to hide and adapt to the pace as we get older.

It's really helpful to see others perspectives on it getting harder with age and also the point made by @ntmdino about the modern world having so many expectations.

In my area you do need to explain to the GP why a diagnosis would help. I do know how but putting it in words is tough. Self acceptance, explanations for not being able to do certain things or needing extra time before doing people, having people stop trying to force their ways on me (eye contact, being able to chat in busy spaces when too much us going on) work reasons and being held back in career

When I went to the GP about it and they asked why I would benefit from a diagnosis I said that I have been gaslighting myself for years telling myself I was crazy, and I need to better understand myself so I can make accommodations for myself, as well as need accommodations in the work place because I've got to a point in my life that whatever is going on is disabling me from working, having meaningful connections and relationships, and I have a lack of understanding and compassion from those around me as there's no known explanation for how I respond to the world and it can all seem very dramatic so I am often ostracised, so I need to know what is different about me so I can fight for my support needs to be met in a way others will understand those support needs.

There really is no escape from the constant sensory input. I wear hearing aids and it’s got to the stage where I remove them in everyday situations. On the downside, I can’t communicate well without them. The upside is I don’t get bombarded with endless conversations/people shouting at each other/ endless music in venues (from food shops to work)/music blaring from cars/motorbikes and general traffic noise and people. People everywhere!!!! Doing stuff I just don’t “get”.

The older I get the more beneficial it is to remove them from my ears or turn them way way down.

My ex used to drive me potty with a radio on in every room, or jumping from one program to the next whilst listening to something on his phone. It was overwhelming 🤦‍♀️