When dd started reception we began to experience a lot of problems, culminating in a couple of episodes of school avoidance. She's always had sensory issues when under time pressures or highly anxious. Fast forward a couple of years and she's now got an ehcp in place, is doing so much better and we're all a lot happier. She's about to undergo a GDA.
We've obviously learned a lot in this time, both about her, about neurodivergence and its affects on family life etc. I am almost certain that one, possibly both, our dc have inherited adhd from dh. He's undiagnosed, but admits that some (I think many) of the symptoms apply to him.
He's adamant he doesn't want/ need a diagnosis as he's got to 50+ years old and is functioning 'fine'. But here's the issue. I don't think he is. The negative impact of his adhd on his parenting (emotional disregulation) is, in part, preventing more improvement taking place in our family lives. His communication with our teenage ds, for example, is pretty poor. We've just begun to open up more with each other (he's highly sensitive to what he perceives as criticism about his parenting) and he's desperate to improve his communication with ds, who really struggles with dh.
Is there any advice from others who have been in a similar situation? Dh reacts in the heat of the moment, but is always willing to try to reflect and adapt (and always apologises when he's in the wrong) - he just struggles to actually act on it longer term for a sustained period, and consistently. The more I learn and understand, the more I realise that dh has, over the years, suffered with his own mental health. He's had periods of depression and anxiety, and we've had many ups and downs in our marriage, but worsened since having a nd child/ children. He definitely won't concede to getting a formal diagnosis, and I am really keen to support him without criticising. But it's so hard when there's a 13yo boy who is often struggling as a result of his dad's roller coaster of emotions.
Please be gentle. I want to support everyone in my family as best I can through better awareness and understanding. I've started some tentative conversations with dh, but I really think he needs to hear more than this, and from someone with professional training, to help him understand himself and his reactions better.