Loved ones suggesting I have autism

[homebodies23]

I feel really strange about this. Firstly my sister said she thought I might be autistic as that would explain what I'm like.

I was really taken aback- I thought I was 'like' a normal person struggling and coping with life's up and downs- and right now I'm actually on an up. (Great job, house, loving partner and healthy children).

Funnily enough I didn't share what she said with my partner as I didn't want him to think badly of me.

Then last week my partner said out the blue he wondered if I could be autistic.

He said it really sensitively and he didn't even say the word autistic- he just alluded to a book I'd bought about it in teen girls (which I've lost and not yet read) as the GP suggested my daughter might have it.

Well I've since looked up the symptoms and been super shocked to discover that I probably do have it. But right now I probably won't bother with a formal diagnosis.

The thing I knew about was social difficulties.

Firstly I assumed that could never be me as I have lots of really close friendships. But I actually can't interact in a group and very quickly drop out or feel kicked out or closed out of a group.

The sad thing is that every time I become part of a group at work or hobbies, I assume it will be different.

But I was really surprised to hear about autistic shutdown- I had no idea that's what I was doing- but once a week I need a complete decompress or I really can't cope.
I get so overwhelmed after any social interaction- and I genuinely could never understand how others could manage it without escaping for a break. (Whenever we've been at one of my partners' family gatherings I've had to leave the room to lie down- then come back later)

Masking- I'd heard all about this and felt sorry for people who had to do it.
Then out the blue last night I realised that I do that with every social interaction I have.
Weirdly I think this got me into my last abusive relationship as I genuinely did not know the right response to give to the behaviours- and was so far removed from listening and going with my natural feelings.

I guess I feel a little sad- as I genuinely thought I was normal- and now I'm worrying about my behaviour and responses even more.

But on the other hand it does feel a little freeing as I don't need to try so hard anymore and can maybe shut down a bit more.

you didn’t ask your sister for more info?
she didn’t offer anything up beyond “diagnosis”?

At the time of her saying it, were you arguing / she was pissed off about something you’d done or not done?

what happened after your GP (doctor or grandparent?) said that about your DD?

how long have you been with your partner?

But on the other hand it does feel a little freeing as I don't need to try so hard anymore and can maybe shut down a bit more.

but you’ve done a bit of googling and self diagnosed. That’s not a diagnosis op

Yes I know it's not a diagnosis at all- which is why I don't want to pursue one.

My sister said it really sensitively. She's supporting a member of her team who is going through a diagnosis- or who has just been diagnosed- and she researched it all as part of that. Which made her think it could be me. I was really shocked and hurt to be honest, so I didn't want to talk about it in loads of detail- and have her analyse everything about me.

With the GP saying it about my daughter- it was a phone consultation- and again I'm not pursuing a diagnosis- mainly because we had just finished with her dyslexia diagnosis- which for some reason took several years to see through. And I wanted to give her a break.

I guess whether I have autism or not shouldn't really matter- but I do feel a bit lost and uncertain at how I should behave and how others see me.

So you don’t want to pursue a formal diagnosis

and you don’t for your daughter either (despite it potentially making her life enormously easier at school)

ok

I guess whether I have autism or not shouldn't really matter

you seem to think autism is just a label of a few features

but if you are diagnosed and certainly your child - it’s a potential gateway to understanding so much more which will help so much in life (especially for your daughter at school)

how long. have you been with your partner?

Firstly my sister said she thought I might be autistic as that would explain what I'm like.

OP she really did not say this sensitively

If you're not pursuing an assessment for your DD, even though it's been offered, does she at last have an ECHP?

How old is your DD?

The op doesn’t seem to have done a thing in this regard

Regarding your last two sentences, you’ll always feel like that. I think it would really help you to do more research and then develop a more positive attitude for your DDs sake. There’s nothing wrong or particularly unusual about needing a break during a social situation….all introverts need that. And with the group situations, you don’t need to tell everyone, but perhaps it would help you to be a bit kinder to yourself. Or if you trust whoever’s in charge you could just tell them.

Most autistics are self-diagnosed before being officially diagnosed. Not many people in the autistic community care because even if you’re not quite autistic you’ve obviously got a lot of traits and you’re at least an HSP (highly sensitive person). It’s very likely you are autistic if your daughter is…these things don’t usually appear from nowhere. Remember that many of the issues are caused by living in an unnatural environment. We’re meant to be living in tribes, amongst people we are familiar with, in nature with little noise. There’s nothing actually wrong with you. Your nervous system is sensitive and primed to spot danger and that would have been very useful, but it’s being bombarded by too much noise and movement and that’s exhausting.

I was actually overjoyed when I realised that I was autistic because my DS was obviously autistic from a very young age and it made me so anxious because I thought autism was a mysterious condition that I knew nothing about! Once I realised, I was able to do more research (because I suddenly wasn’t anxious about it) and be more help to him.

Thanks @AmethystSparkles, I have started reading up a bit more about it now and listening to podcasts