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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Daydreaming

10 replies

Beebedspread · 25/01/2024 18:58

Anyone else maladaptive daydream? I’m fucking sick of it. I want it to stop. In every second that my brain isn’t talking to someone of concentrating on work or television, I’m daydreaming. It’s gotten worse in the last year and my emotions get tied up with it.

Anyone found a way to reduce it?

OP posts:
ThePearandTheDodo · 07/02/2024 06:02

I have resisted joining mumsnet for years and then saw your post and that no one had replied and simply had to respond. I am a maladaptive daydreamer too! I always have been. I used to run around when I daydreamed, now I still speed up when walking or occassionally will still move involuntarily. I'm sorry it has gotten worse for you, are you more stressed or under more pressure? I've recently realised I have adhd and that is making me learn lots more about how our nervous system affects our brains. Perhaps trying things to regulate your nervous system would help calm the daydreaming? Life is full on and its impossible to fit in enough time to look after yourself isnt it? Then people suggest mindfulness and it's so unbelievably annoying! Sorry I've not provided a solution, oh I do find coffee can calm my mind, but that's an adhd thing. Im not sure what the link between adhd and MD is.. just wanted to say hi to another person like me!

GreenAndSpringy · 25/02/2024 19:10

Hi, @Beebedspread

I stumbled across something that really helps dampen down intrusive thoughts and spiralling. It’s a technique I adopted in order to improve my balance and strengthen my cerebellum having seen a NHK documentary on preventative self-care advice to prevent falls in Japan’s aged population. After a while, I realised I was soothing and smoothing away distressing PTSD responses.
I eventually realised I had stumbled onto a very basic version of EMDR. You are welcome to look up EMDR but I am not a therapist. The advice I’ll give you is to help your balance, hopefully the ugliness in your daydreaming will decrease as a side effect.

So, the exercise is to extend your arms with the fists closed and the thumbs poking up. Extend them in front of you and then separate them out, each at a 45degree angle from right in front of you (pointing at 10o’clock and 2o’clock if you imagine your face pointing towards 12o’clock on a clock).
Next, keep your head still and swing your eyes to look first at one thumb then over to the other, left, right, left right, slowly counting with each glance until you get to 30 (or 50).
If you had intrusive thoughts when you began, hopefully they are lessened by the time you finish. Do it again 5, 10, 200 minutes later if you want to.

Personally, I’ve found that the thoughts lose intensity after each session.

As for the cerebellum strengthening and improved balance, the effect only lasts as long as you are performing the exercise with any regularity. If that’s a conditioning effect you want, make it into a habit.

OShoey · 01/03/2024 10:21

What is maladaptive daydreaming?

I daydream all the time and really enjoy it, it's my world and I direct it. I'm struggling to understand why it's a problem?

GreenAndSpringy · 01/03/2024 11:55

OShoey · 01/03/2024 10:21

What is maladaptive daydreaming?

I daydream all the time and really enjoy it, it's my world and I direct it. I'm struggling to understand why it's a problem?

Back in the 1990s when women were rarely considered for Autism I was treated for depression and given Seroxat (a selective serotonin repítale inhibitor). It felt like my mind, my personality, my capacity for joy, was smooshed under a thick, unmovable damp carpet. Yes, I no longer dropped into the abyss of despair but there was nowhere pleasant to climb to either. Living felt like existing - with one exception, my inner life exploded.

The problem with it is that I couldn’t always keep hold of reality. I’d be watching something, or hear a sound, or breathe in a smell and WHOOOSH! I’d recollect, all of a sudden, and everything in an instant, hours and hours of memories of an event, or a series of events, and I’d then have to pick through and sort out what it was, where it had come from, figure out how to come to terms with it, and only once had I had the chance to play over all the details (again, it took an instant to arrive and hours to unpack) did I come to the point where I could figure out if the data arrival was the recollection of a dream or if it was something that had happened or if it was a synthesis of me having tried to come to terms with something that happened or something I had dreamed before.

And as I am the absolute opposite of a multi-tasker, coming to terms with the arrived explosion left me with little capacity to deal with what was actually happening.

You probably have had a similar experience. Think of times when you have been asleep and dreaming and you wake up because of an external sensation, someone tapping your face, a nearby driver sounding their car horn, and when you wake up you have the memory of a dream with a long lead in to explain the event that woke you up.

Example might be a dream where you are somehow convinced to join a gym class and when you turn up thinking that it will involve aerobics find out that it’s kick-boxing and you end up in a boxing ring having your face punched by a local librarian. Turns out that your kid had patted your face to rouse you so all of those dream memories occurred instantaneously.

Now imagine that intrusive explosion of recollection coming to you whilst you are awake and having a lovely daydream about something else entirely. You have no way to get back to your enjoyable daydream until you unpack the explosion. It might take minutes, it might take days. Sometimes you feel as if you are in a deja-vu loop having already done the unpacking before.

That is my own personal experience of maladaptive daydreaming. I imagine that everyone has their own personal experiences.

Thankfully, mine more or less stopped when I came off Seroxat, I’ve had echoes, but not to the same degree of intensity and regularity.

Anything close I can lessen with the ping-pong peripheral gaze exercise, which only takes 30-50 seconds about 3 or 4 times a day.

OShoey · 01/03/2024 12:35

GreenAndSpringy · 01/03/2024 11:55

Back in the 1990s when women were rarely considered for Autism I was treated for depression and given Seroxat (a selective serotonin repítale inhibitor). It felt like my mind, my personality, my capacity for joy, was smooshed under a thick, unmovable damp carpet. Yes, I no longer dropped into the abyss of despair but there was nowhere pleasant to climb to either. Living felt like existing - with one exception, my inner life exploded.

The problem with it is that I couldn’t always keep hold of reality. I’d be watching something, or hear a sound, or breathe in a smell and WHOOOSH! I’d recollect, all of a sudden, and everything in an instant, hours and hours of memories of an event, or a series of events, and I’d then have to pick through and sort out what it was, where it had come from, figure out how to come to terms with it, and only once had I had the chance to play over all the details (again, it took an instant to arrive and hours to unpack) did I come to the point where I could figure out if the data arrival was the recollection of a dream or if it was something that had happened or if it was a synthesis of me having tried to come to terms with something that happened or something I had dreamed before.

And as I am the absolute opposite of a multi-tasker, coming to terms with the arrived explosion left me with little capacity to deal with what was actually happening.

You probably have had a similar experience. Think of times when you have been asleep and dreaming and you wake up because of an external sensation, someone tapping your face, a nearby driver sounding their car horn, and when you wake up you have the memory of a dream with a long lead in to explain the event that woke you up.

Example might be a dream where you are somehow convinced to join a gym class and when you turn up thinking that it will involve aerobics find out that it’s kick-boxing and you end up in a boxing ring having your face punched by a local librarian. Turns out that your kid had patted your face to rouse you so all of those dream memories occurred instantaneously.

Now imagine that intrusive explosion of recollection coming to you whilst you are awake and having a lovely daydream about something else entirely. You have no way to get back to your enjoyable daydream until you unpack the explosion. It might take minutes, it might take days. Sometimes you feel as if you are in a deja-vu loop having already done the unpacking before.

That is my own personal experience of maladaptive daydreaming. I imagine that everyone has their own personal experiences.

Thankfully, mine more or less stopped when I came off Seroxat, I’ve had echoes, but not to the same degree of intensity and regularity.

Anything close I can lessen with the ping-pong peripheral gaze exercise, which only takes 30-50 seconds about 3 or 4 times a day.

Thanks for explaining, it sounds really unpleasant and I hope things are better now.

I have ADHD and I'm still trying to understand how my mind differs from others. Daydreaming is one of the 'symptoms' but I've never found it unpleasant, thankfully, and wondered if it is really that odd of a thing to do, compared to neurotypicals.

ThePearandTheDodo · 01/03/2024 13:34

My experience of maladaptive daydreaming is not like the description above... interesting how different we are. For me it is very intense daydreaming but with the addition of involuntary movement - if im walking I will speed up into a power walk, if I'm at home I will run back and forth across the room over and over again, or skip around. I dont know that I'm doing it until I 'come to'....it's not unpleasant, more embarrassing but unpleasant in how distracting it is, I have adhd and struggle to focus enough without randomly running off! I've done it since I was really little.

GreenAndSpringy · 01/03/2024 14:02

ThePearandTheDodo · 01/03/2024 13:34

My experience of maladaptive daydreaming is not like the description above... interesting how different we are. For me it is very intense daydreaming but with the addition of involuntary movement - if im walking I will speed up into a power walk, if I'm at home I will run back and forth across the room over and over again, or skip around. I dont know that I'm doing it until I 'come to'....it's not unpleasant, more embarrassing but unpleasant in how distracting it is, I have adhd and struggle to focus enough without randomly running off! I've done it since I was really little.

When we are asleep, certain chemicals are released that prevent us from moving in response to our dreaming brain’s activity. My understanding is that the brain stem is involved in preventing these physical reactions.

My pattern thinking here wonders if day dreams are intense enough they are triggering the same kind of movement messages that our brain stems would usually counter react to and stop with chemicals, but because you aren’t actually asleep the dream-movement messages slip through to your limbs.

I am not medically trained (I just have the kind of deep interest in the brain that is common with certain ND people) so please take what I am saying as public musing rather than advice. Saying that, the cerebellum and the brain stem are very closely connected, it is possible that in strengthening your cerebellum you might find a positive effect in dampening down your body’s eagerness to react to daydream messages.

ThePearandTheDodo · 01/03/2024 14:10

Ooh interesting! That does sound feasible (tho I'm not daydreaming about running per se) I do also sometimes act out the daydream with facial expressions and gestures if I'm power walking. It's funny how I've not done that much research into it myself, I've done a bit but then forget all about it whilst hyperfocussing on gardening etc I'm not too fussed about stopping it, it's just one of my quirks. I'm hoping one of my kids will do it too!

Staticgirl · 01/03/2024 16:00

I don't have the problems I used to have when I was young when I would daydream for hours and not get anything done, especially as a teenager. I would end up with an aching head and panic.

These days my daydreams are a usually more positive and like mental preparations for creative writing and drawing. I do still have problems with health anxiety related daydreams though I have to distract myself out of them if I can.

GreenAndSpringy · 02/03/2024 10:39

I went digging to find information in English about the balance exercises and quite a lot has emerged in the past year. I just learned that these movements have a name - saccades

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=4JIPke0gOoo&pp=ygUII3dpdGhleWU%3D
This video is called “build better balance with eye movements” and offers a full simple summary. Note that he demonstrates with fingers quite close to his eyes, if you extend your fingers/thumbs further from your torso, make sure you position them at a wider angles so that they stay close to your periphery vision.

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