Pity party for one please

[QuickFetchTheCoffee]

I was crying in the bathroom this morning feeling sorry for myself. I don't really feel any better now but I'm not crying so I guess that's an improvement.

I'm sick of everything, it's all too much and I feel useless and incapable.
My DD (17, in college, struggling a lot but still attending) has been refused a needs assessment (for EHCP) for the second time in two years. I haven't a clue how to go about taking it to tribunal and every time I try to think about it I get an almighty migraine like the one I woke up with today and then I can't concentrate on anything at all.
Meanwhile DD has college again tomorrow and spent a few hours on homework this afternoon, but it left her so mentally drained that she was just miserable.
Everyone seems to think I'm okay to figure out what the next step is on my own but I'm clearly not the capable person people think I am. Can I please quit adulting and have someone look after me for a change and walk me through everything in baby steps?
Like I said, pity party.

I understand.

The needs assessment. Councils seem to like to refuse them. When they sent your refusal letter, they should have included details of a mediation company. Phone them today if you can. They will explain how it all works. You can still choose tribunal, but you need to speak to the mediation people first. Maybe just do that as a first step to get the ball rolling. Once you’ve spoken to them, you’re obviously welcome to chat it all through here.

Ipsea have lots of good information on their website.

Your local Sendiass (see your local Council’s website for contact details) may also be helpful.

If you go to tribunal, you will not have to go in person- you just need to submit the paperwork. It’s pretty straightforward.

There are also some good Facebook groups.

But for today- make that call to the mediation company.

Thanks @saturnspinkhoop
I called the mediation team last week and they sent me a certificate. I now have about a month left to lodge the appeal. I just don't know how to go about it!
On the brighter side today I got an email back from SENDIASS asking for my number to give me a call (of course I forgot to put it in the email).
I'm just plodding along trying to get all the normal stuff done to keep the household running. I don't even work. I find it difficult to get the normal stuff done in the day without learning about SEN law and filling in forms and answering calls.

Well done for getting the certificate. That’s a vital first step.

You need to complete this form: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-send35a-special-educational-needs-and-disability-tribunal-appeal-a-refusal-to-secure-an-ehc-needs-assessment.

If it feels overwhelming, perhaps just start by filling in the easy stuff, like name, address etc. Once it’s all filled in and sent off (you can email it) you will feel a lot better.

Thank you, I suspect I've been told about this before but it's gone over my head a little as I've been in Panic Mode!

Baby steps. Switch on the laptop. Download the form and save it to your computer. Fill in the easy questions.

Separately, gather together all relevant reports and evidence.

Have a look on Ipsea’s website about how to answer section 2. That’s the big one to
focus on. I found it helped to write down those section 2 questions and draft an answer away from the form. Don’t worry about fitting your answer in the box. I ended up just writing ‘see attached’.

Just take it step by step and get it in. You can always submit more information later.

One tiny tip: if the LA say they will do something, don’t rely on them to do it. If they say will contact the school for the school’s views, for example, I would advise you to contact the school yourself.

Thanks (again!). All relevant reports I had were sent with the original request letter (main one autism assessment, haven't got much else). It's other evidence I don't have.
I can, however download the form onto laptop.
[Takes quick break]
Yes done and it's only 12 pages, some of which are irrelevant so actually slightly less daunting than PIP.

You’re doing really well. Once it’s all done and sent off you’ll feel so much better.

Not doing well. Thank you for continuing to reply.
Had another migraine today and also very stressed as DD is utterly miserable and can't do/won't do her college work. Not even sure she'll go in tomorrow, which will mean even more distractions from me being able to sort the form out.
I'm stressed because she's stressed but I can't help her if I can't think straight from the pain in my head.

You can’t do everything. Take some painkillers and get an early night. The ehcp is to help your daughter long term, so perhaps focus tomorrow as much as possible on getting it done and in. That will clear your head a bit so you can turn your attentions to your daughter. That’s what I would do in your shoes anyway. I’m not in your exact shoes, but I have been in similar shoes and I get it. I think you need to be a bit single minded on getting the form in.

:) thanks

Ask your GP if they would be willing to prescribe pizotifen as migraine prophylaxis. It's life-changing.

I've looked at the form. I've read through all the IPSEA guidance. I don't know that I can "prove" anything to the LA besides what I've told them (Autism, Dyspraxia, hearing impairment etc with diagnosis evidence) and that DD isn't meeting expectations (entirely unevidenced except what I've written about her sotuation). So I've called about legal aid.
I now have a big list of evidence to scan (diagnostic, financial and photo ID) and am expecting an email on Friday. I can return the evidence over the weekend (can start scanning in before that) and finally I'm not totally alone.
Neither SENDIASS nor college have returned contact so clearly no use relying on them.
I will use IPSEA's template letter to get info from college and keep pestering them.
I don't have a migraine today!

Hello you have my empathy on this we are going through the ehcp process ourselves. The school senco refused to refer our child claiming it would be turned down. We applied ourselves and they've actually accepted to assess.

We literally supplied everything the school gave us pages and pages of a learning care plan. A dla application the autism diagnosis. all school reports. Do you have any reports?

So we wait I've been in contact with sendiass who will if needed attend meetings with us.

But today I'm burnt out and don't want to parent anymore I myself have adhd so emotionally it's quite a lot to go through. My eldest is only 11 but is really starting to be reactive and wanted to fight me physically yesterday so today I feel sad & a whole lot lost.😔

Hope things are looking brighter for you x

@Greencabbages3 hi thanks for your reply!

DD left school last summer and school had no useful learning plan at all (it was a few lines of out of date information about how to communicate with her and a photo). College have refused to communicate with me besides that I've made a subject access request and that has been acknowledged.
We do have an autism assessment report but it's a from a few years ago.
Unfortunately the deadline for appeal is approaching in a few weeks, and I've applied for Legal Aid with it but have only had the preliminary email.

Sorry things are not running smoothly for you either. I can definitely empathise with the burnt out feeling - I think that's when I get migraines. Unfortunately it doesn't us help deal with things when our body and brain are forcibly shutting down!

Hope things improve for you too 😊

Quick update if anyone is watching (LOL I doubt it) or in similar situation:
I had to send in the SEND35a form myself two days before deadline as I wasn't cleared for legal aid quick enough.
I got a SAR back from college, very sparse but had some interesting bits in it. Due to my own ineptitude it will have to be late evidence as I didn't send it with the rest.
Legal Aid contacted me to tell me I'd been cleared after the deadline had passed and told me I should submit it late (I asked well before deadline if I needed to send it so...) but otherwise good news. Hopefully DD will be having OT, SALT, EP and Social Services (? I think. My memory isn't great on phone) assessments to add evidence.

Well done you on getting the send35 sent in. Big accomplishment. Not being sarcastic there. It’s emotionally taxing and a faff. But it’s also an important step in getting that EHCP.

Don’t worry about sending it evidence after submitting the application. That’s absolutely fine and expected.

It’s a bit of a waiting game now. I’m hoping the LA will cave before the appeal is looked at, but they may not. If you think of any other evidence or anyone you can obtain evidence from, then do that and send it in.

The LA will write a position statement at some point. Try not to get stressed by this. Remember it’s not personal (even though it feels like it) and they will write any old rubbish in order to string things out and attempt to get out of having to assess.

You will be given a deadline to submit evidence. I was a bit childish here. My LA sent in a further statement about one hour before the deadline. I childishly wrote a quick rebuttal and submitted it minutes before the deadline. So you may want to write a further statement in due course (maybe you’ll think of things you hadn’t thought of when drafting the send 35a) and you may or may not want to keep the evidence deadline day clear so that you can get the last word in.

But honestly, you’ve done something really big and important in submitting that appeal and you should feel proud of yourself.

@saturnspinkhoop I do feel proud of myself - turns out the imminent deadline blew the cobwebs and paralysis away so I could get the job done.
There's no other evidence (yet - that's what the assessments are for that are going to be arranged via Legal Aid), seems like everyone was very careful not to leave a paper trail. Maybe the info surrounding the previous refusal to assess and subsequent mediation, and the fact that nothing the school put in place ultimately made DD able to cope with college?

I’m glad you’ll get some assessments done, that’ll be helpful. You likely already know, but these appeals are done on the papers, so you don’t need to attend. And the success rate is really really high. Anyway, this is sort of the nice bit really. There’s nothing else you can do right now, so enjoy having ticked a massive and important job off the list.