Crying over spilt milk…literally. How to handle?

[Pibolar]

7am this morning ds13 (who is yet to be diagnosed but recognised by school as asd) yanked the milk out of fridge smashing the apple sauce over floor so then slammed the milk on the table (4 full pints) accompanied by shouting and swearing, the milk split and went everywhere…. Electrics, clean washing you name it. This is before I’ve even had my coffee which i need to wake up and function. I have bipolar and ADHD so it’s going to take a world of effort to clean up as is a mess anyway and so am i. I’m feeling livid!

two nights ago he had a similar rage saying he wanted to kill himself, this was because I asked him to take the recycling out and he’d had a bad day at school.

this kind of thing happens all the time, as he’s getting older I’m getting more and more out of my depth.

how would you handle this? should i give punishment? Natural consequences? Ignore? Say there there? Babysit him the whole time?

i don’t know how I’m supposed to handle this especially as I’m finding life overwhelming myself. Any suggestions/experience welcome

He cleans it. All of it. And he will sulk and strop but he needs to learn that actions have consequences and that when you are disabled you have to take more care, not less.

You also possibly meant to post this in SEND kids. Neurodiverse Mumsnetters is for adults with ADHD, are autistic, etc.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia thanks for replying, wasn’t sure what to do as don’t know if he can help it, it’s like a switch has been flipped. It makes sense as when he’s living on his own he would have to clean it up himself. I have cleaned the worst of it up, apple sauce, glass and milk. Couldn’t leave it till he gets home as it would be minging and we have a dog. It still needs going over again though so we will do that when he gets home from school. I’m not sure if the tv, headphones and xbox controller will survive but they are his so he will miss out. The milk has gone all over some school trousers i was planning to return…. Should i take this out of his pocket money or is that too far? Sorry wasn’t sure where to post, in despair at the amount of cleaning and washing this has created (went over dogs bed and my clean bedding…that i should have taken upstairs by now)

The milk has gone all over some school trousers i was planning to return….

Remove the cardboard labels, wash in cold delicate wash, and reattach the cardboard labels if the trousers still look brand new?

I reread your post and see that you are also neurodivergent and your post is as much about you coping as well as how to follow up with DS. Sorry, my mistake. We sometimes get neurotypical parents in here posting about their neurodivergent kids.

It makes sense as when he’s living on his own he would have to clean it up himself.

These are the natural consequences of being careless or letting frustration take over. It's not a punishment and it's important not to frame it as a punishment, especially if there's any oppositional defiance aspect to his ADHD.

my clean bedding…that i should have taken upstairs by now

My office still has last week's clean linen on the sofabed. The struggle is real.

The struggle is definitely real alright…. The washing machine broke on the first load, error code, lights flashing the lot. Ffs so after wrestling with the front panel i managed to fix the problem. Water everywhere…. After I had mopped the milk up. By this time it was gone 2pm decided to go to mcds as hasn’t eaten, my exP came with me and then back to mine to help pull the washing machine out and mop behind as it was such a bitch to put in (v. Short pipe) so had to disconnect it. Ds came home and we’ve finished off most of the kitchen and put another load of washing on. Had enough for the day. What a day! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better one. Yes, you put it perfectly, that’s exactly what i meant re: me coping and doing the right thing for ds. Thank you for your support, it makes such a difference to know someone understands.

You might have a Revolution outdoor launderette near you, they are open 24/7. Useful if the washer goes kaput again.

Thanks for that, didn’t even know such a thing existed