Sorry if this is a long post I am going to try and keep it as short as I can.
My While life (43) I have never known who I really am. Adapting myself/personality to mirror who ever I was struggling to talk to.
I have never been able to deal with silences, hate small talk and social situations, have extreme anxiety and feel that no one in this world understands me.
Have a partner who offers me no support all he does is ignores me never supports my low moods. My parents only want to know me when I am faking being okay. They know I am battling mentally but not interested. My sister is so self absorbed and pretends she is there for me but she is more interested in her husband and her life than ever checking how I am. Sadly given all this I am always the one checking in and being there for them.
my 7 year old has suspected autism diagnosed with adhd and as young as he is we have a unique bond. He is my reasons for being in this world. He gets me and is the only human that makes me feel that I am a person. Not invisible.
I have a huge issue with people drinking alcohol near me as I’m terrified of how the alcohol changes them. This Xmas I was so overwhelmed by it as we all went to my mums.
I literally have shut downs where I go into a deep dark whole and want to disappear.
I find life so hard. I have no relationship with my partner calling him that makes me sick. I can’t bare receiving affection unless it’s from my son.