Mum pushing me to interact with guests

[Blumarine]

I’m 45. I sat in my Mum’s lounge with guests for five hours yesterday and was polite. Felt relieved when they packed up to go home. I said “bye” then stretched out on the sofa and turned my iPad on.

My Mum (80) kept saying “Come on Blu, get up and say goodbye. Your Aunty Joyce wants a hug. Blu!! Up you get, you’re going to miss saying goodbye. Blu!!” Then she got hold of my arm and pushed me forward like a little child.

Firstly I was hoping to get away without having to hug anyone. The guests had gone out in the hall and weren’t attempting to hug me. Secondly I was just very annoyed at my Mum trying to control me and treating me like a child. The vibe was like “you’re not socialising correctly so I’ll give you a push”. Thirdly I realised she has done this for my entire life and she doesn’t seem to register than I’m now a woman in my forties!

Not sure what the point of this post is. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, I had verbally said goodbye and they had left the room so I thought that was enough. But my Mum (who is NT) clearly felt it was wrong and pushed me to go out in the hall and give hugs and wave out the window. I suppose it made me wonder if my social interaction is still just totally wrong but most people (other than my Mum) don’t tell me or try to direct me. Do I need to be directed like this? My Mum seems to think I do.

No. That’s a very weird thing to do given you’re 45! Not everyone is a hugger, neurodiverse or not.

I think there are rules around social etiquette though that if you’re NT you get upset if others don’t follow those rules and your mum was probably worried about you coming across as rude even though the guests most likely wouldn’t have noticed. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong other than not quite follow the very detailed unwritten social etiquette for that situation. It doesn’t sound like you were inappropriate at all, more that your mum was overly anxious about what ‘people would think’. Hope you’re ok!

It doesn’t sound like you were inappropriate at all, more that your mum was overly anxious about what ‘people would think’.
At first I was annoyed. I felt it was acceptable to say a verbal “bye” and not follow them when they left the room. Then my Mum decided my chosen behaviour wasn’t good enough and tried to force me into what she thought was the correct behaviour. I felt like my natural behaviour wasn’t good enough and she was being pushy.

But when I thought about it I started to feel really insecure. Was I wrong? Am I not capable of interacting correctly? Do I still need to be guided through social interactions like a child because of my disability? (autism) Then I got really upset.

You were not wrong. You be you.

I think the NTs follow you out to the hall and wave you off... (I don't do much socialising)

But bloody hell well done for 5 hours socialising.

Why is it rude if we don't follow their rules, but not rude when they try to impose their social conventions on us even though we find them uncomfortable or painful?

5 hours socialising is amazing. Yes, I would stand at the door and wave people off (to make sure they were actually gone). Your mum was being overly anxious.