Autistic and I go mute around certain people

[PonyinShorts]

Does anyone else experience this and if yes what on earth do you do?

My in-laws are nice enough people but I have nothing in common with them and every time I spend time with them I just sit there and stare out of the window. I previously did try my best to have a chat with them but my mind goes blank and then I go into my mute mode and nothing comes out of my mouth. As you can imagine, sitting like this for 4 hours at a family gathering can be awkward. My DH is now used to this and doesn't mind but his family think I'm rude, no doubt. They don't know I'm autistic, I was diagnosed a few months ago and haven't told anyone apart from my DH and my DM.

So what should I do? Just keep showing up and sit there in silence or not go at all?

I want to be chatty and sociable but just can't :(

That’s very difficult. You have my sympathy. It’s not as extreme as muteness for me but I have a tendency to either clutter my speech, garble or just lose my words. I think that it might actually be in response to micro signals of disinterest, confusion or judgement but it is awful when it happens. And it gives me awful social anxiety because it’s hard to predict when my voice will just let me down.

Recently I accompanied dh to a fairly important work event, and I was greeting the host and all I needed to say was my name and I just couldn’t remember it. Fortunately Dh took over at that point and the moment passed but how can you even explain that you can lose access to your own name?

Do you think your in laws would be more accepting of your difficulty if they could contextualise it in your autism?

Fortunately Dh took over at that point and the moment passed but how can you even explain that you can lose access to your own name.

That sounds really hard, I'm sorry to hear that. Glad to hear you Dh helped you out.

I'm worried if I said I was autistic they would dismiss it as "oh everyone's on the spectrum". It's really hard to know what to do for the best.

Yes, and sometimes people are theoretically sympathetic until it affects them iykwim. It’s tricky to navigate. What does your dh say?

This exact same thing happens to my son it’s really hard to watch and must be even harder for you experiencing it, I hope you’re ok. I worry that my son comes across as rude and he really gets exhausted being around people so our world has become smaller and I don’t think that’s a good thing in the long run so I personally think if you’re able to keep going that might be better overall, if you’re able to. Maybe practice a few open questions in advance to ask them something about themselves, they might not notice that you’re effectively mute the rest of the time as they might only remember the friendly questions? People love being asked about themselves. If you maybe practice in front of the mirror so you’re almost playing a ‘part’ when you’re there it might be easier?

I'm exactly the same ,I could of written this myself,and I have wondered the same .
The in-laws seem to invite the whole extended family over every time it's arranged we are going .very frustrating because I don't cope well in a large group.
We limit the time we are there ,so arrive later and leave earlier.
But I sit in silence as well ,as do my 2 diagnosed boys.
I have thought about telling them my diagnosis,but they weren't great when the boys were diagnosed,lots of ..don't be rediculous.. comments..
So I guess we just carry on limiting the visits