Christmas?

[Nonplusultra]

How is everyone doing? Anyone want to share the excitement or the struggles?

I find I get a bit ADHD+ at this time of year - I lose track of my budget, overbuy, underbuy and succumb to impulse buying. The looming deadline stress is hard - I’m inclined to go into waiting mode except there’s so much to do, and it feels like all of it will have to be done again at the last minute anyway.

I find I really look forward to Christmas but then when it’s close I shut down a bit and I’m looking forward to it being over.

How are other people doing? Love it or hate it?

If anyone could sum up the 1000 thoughts on a loop in my head, I think that you've done it succinctly

Hard same. And this year as a bonus we have a toddler in nursery so I’ve had 68 colds since September which is serving as a very neat excuse for doing fuck all about getting ready - I’m ill and too tired, I can’t possibly!

Im supposed to serve a meal for 8 people on Christmas Eve and so far my husband is the only one who has done anything about it, despite it being my culture and he’s never cooked those dishes before 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ll probably go into Wonder Woman mode on Saturday and do all the prep after our toddler has gone to bed.

Every year I say I won’t be hosting this year and then every year around October I start suggesting that maybe we could if we’re having Christmas Eve as a family anyway then just cooking a bigger batch is the same amount of effort isn’t it? (It is not). Why won’t I learn?!

Both love and hate it.
■ Hate buying presents (I'm very much not intuitive especially as I only see a lot of my family only once a year!)
□ Love wrapping presents though and making them look pretty with reusable ribbons/toppers/gift bags etc
■ Hate that my DD (and me to a lesser extent) get stressed by many visitors in a short space of time
□ Love seeing my siblings and their kids and feeling happy that I've organised a meal out for us all a few days after Christmas (without DD!)
■ Hate turning into a mad angry woman in the run up because I've too much to do and getting stressed
□ Love Christmas day when I can relax and enjoy it just me and DH and DD (and possibly my other kids if they aren't working)

I hate Christmas!

I hate spending money on presents because I’m a total miser. I hate picking gifts for people. I don’t really give a shit, I don’t want to give them a gift and I don’t want one in return (which I probably won’t like and will have to eBay or donate). I’d rather keep my money and buy what I want for myself!

I also hate all of the unavoidable social activities. I don’t want to have dinner with the inlaws, I can’t be bothered with the hassle. I just want to have dinner at home, just my family, but we can’t “because it’s rude and MIL will be upset”. Christmas Day is always an absolute misery that I just have to put up with. One year I said I wasn’t going to MIL’s house for dinner because I was too anxious (but DH and DC could still go if they wanted to) and she absolutely kicked off and blocked me.

Then there’s the hassle with the shops. Traffic jams of people going Christmas shopping, causing me an inconvenience and preventing me from popping to the supermarket, filling up the coffee shops so I can’t go for a nice quiet cuppa. I can’t get stuff delivered in a timely fashion because everyone is overwhelmed and the grocery slots are all full, so I end up having to go to the actual physical shop, which is just a nightmare.

School is another problem. Party, Christmas jumper day, festive fun run, nativity, Christmas Fayre, donation for the raffle, donation for the wishing tree. All of these things that I have to remember, a thousand calendar reminders and alarms. Because I don’t just need an alarm for “Christmas Jumper Day” , I also need an alarm two days earlier for “Remember to wash Christmas jumper” and an alarm a day later for “Remember to iron Christmas jumper”.

It’s all just too much. Too many things to remember, too many people around, and a total waste of money for stuff I don’t even want. I wish it would just go away.

I love most of it, but the parts I hate are very difficult to deal with.

SIL I don't see often is a hugger. Doesn't take the hint that I've finally trained the rest of my IL's I don't DO hugs.

Fucking Christmas music, playing outside our neighbours house, speakers in garden, until past 10pm. Every. Damn. Night. I have to wear noise cancelling earphones in bed, stay up late, just to sleep. And all the shops playing the same, oversaturated rubbish over and over. Don't even get me started on the Dad outside school whistling (badly) for his kids to guess the song.

I miss routines a lot, there is just too much to remember at the moment.

I stood my ground years ago that I refuse to spend half my day driving, so we see IL's Boxing day and have Christmas day at home with no expectations beyond what we want. My family are easy going about spending a day there, so we pick what is most convenient with school dates etc.

I believe I may have ADHD. Keep meaning to start a thread, but then I never get around to much!

I identify so much with what people are saying here. I also have people-pleasing tendencies and DH loves Christmas so I don't want to spoil it for him. Having said that, I usually have some sort of moan/mini-meltdown at my DH in the lead-up. It's only us and the pets anyway and I know others have so much more to do than I do.

Trouble is, my DH wants to start celebrating on 1 December. Sometimes even last few days of November so it ties in with our village's tree lighting (which we never attend anyway).

DH wants to listen to music, eat Christmas food and drink and watch Christmas films/programmes for a month before Christmas comes. Decorations in every room in the house.

It goes on FOR SO LONG.

I gobbled a giant box of chocolates in the first week of December! Then felt sick and annoyed with myself.

Once it's all underway (from about 20th onwards), I start to enjoy it, but I am glad when it's over.

I find I really look forward to Christmas but then when it’s close I shut down a bit and I’m looking forward to it being over.

Yes! The sort of holding pattern we are in just feels really stressful. It gives me time overthink EVERYTHING and boy, can I do that!

We have discussed next year maybe toning it down a bit. I honestly think I'd enjoy it more if we did.

I'm not anti-Christmas exactly. I am buying and wrapping presents for my pets and have given money to overseas relatives and so on, but I don't like the loss of routine and the decs everywhere and the music playing non-stop and the eating, eating, eating.

Whew! That was cathartic!!!!!

You have so much on your plate.

I don't have in-laws to please or children.

I honestly don't know how people do it.

You have my sympathies, fwiw.

I often feel bemused at what it's all for.

There no other "festival" quite like it.

Most people aren't doing it because of religion and if they were, we wouldn't have all the hassle about presents, greed, falling out with family, Christmas jumpers and so on.

Not that Jesus was born on 25 December or even in winter, if historians are to be believed. Nothing in the bible whatsoever about how we should celebrate the birth of Jesus, so that doesn't hold water.

The solstice is real, and I welcome the longer days, but how many of us are really thinking about that right now? I would like to start quietly enjoying a solstice, I think.

Is it a commercial racket? I fear that's what it's really about. I might be safe saying this on this thread, but I often feel that people who are "crazy about Christmas" are greedy types and this time of year legitimises the eating, drinking and spending. We live in a consumerist society and Christmas is just the pinnacle of another year of waste and greed.

I get annoyed watching those stupid Christmas movies where they say "how can we save Christmas?" or if they are robbed "Who stole Christmas?" So what IS Christmas?! What they are referring to, of course, is the food and presents.

A random date in a random month when we have overwhelming social expectations to cope with.

I feel for mums who have to try and hold back the tide of elf on the shelf, North Pole breakfasts and all that stuff. Yes, you can say no, but it must be hard with kids if they are hearing about others having stuff they are not getting.

I don't know how other cultures see this, but it's so weird and random. All the cards with rural snow scenes showing lives most don't have or even want probably. The sentimental music - what's sentimental about December, really?? I think if aliens were watching us they'd struggle to understand the meaning of it all. I can't fathom it myself.

Culturally I grew up with this and I had great childhood Christmases. What kid doesn't want presents and chocolate? I think people are often trying to recapture their childhood with Christmas or trying to create the mythical Christmas they never had. To what purpose, I don't know.

@beginningtowonder me! I'm thinking about the Solstice. I plan to celebrate the Solstice each year, even if only with a store bought Yule Log and the acknowledgement that the nights will be getting lighter (even if it doesn't feel like it) and the lights we put up for Christmas double as Solstice decorations to celebrate light returning.
I love the idea of celebrating the natural seasons (even though they're a bit messed up at the moment) and that is a festival I can get into. Gift-giving and arguing with family and matching Christmas pyjamas can all go lay an egg.

Thanks @QuickFetchTheCoffee what a lovely idea and it has a real meaning and is actually important. I'm going to get into the solstice more. I really welcome it.

Gift-giving and arguing with family and matching Christmas pyjamas can all go lay an egg.

😂

I am sure I could get my dog on board with the solstice as it's good news for him - more frequent and longer walks and more interesting stuff to sniff!

@QuickFetchTheCoffee my Yule log is sitting decorated ready to burn tomorrow, and we will make Sunshine bread to eat in front of it, listening to early music carols, and we have a store bought roulade log to eat too!

I'm annoyed it is still a school day tomorrow, so we are having to condense our usual Yule celebrations a little, but still looking forward to it

Sounds great @WeirdPookah , it would be nice if schools taught about the seasonal celebrations instead of only the religious ones. I guess they're seen as old and out of date and not as glossy or profitable as "new" (pseudo-Christian) traditions. Apologies seem to have gone off on a Yule inspired tangent from OP's thread!

Forgot I started this thread.
[scrolls up to check I’m on right thread]

I never manage to acknowledge the winter solstice because I’m too overwhelmed this time of year. Even though I mark the summer solstice and the spring and autumn equinoxes.

Sorry there’s so many of us here - even though the solidarity is nice.

I am so pleased to read this thread. I have been thinking about posting something similar for weeks now but didn't know where to post. I wasn't confident about posting here, because I don't have a diagnosis. (And I don't think I would get one - although I have autistic traits that cause me a lot of problems at this time of year.) But when I previously posted on the main chat section about these sorts of things just getting too much I got replies to the effect that I was making a load of fuss about nothing.

I have read everyone's posts with interest and really want to write a proper reply but now I've finally got the kids in bed I'm actually too frazzled to do it, and I need to concentrate on getting my husband's presents wrapped while he's at the pub.

In brief... Christmas: I like almost every individual part of it but all together it's just FAR too much!

@lovelycosyslippers thats the perfect summing up, nearly all parts are enjoyable. But there are just so many!

@WeirdPookah yes there are so so many! Sometimes I find it helpful to list out the things I like about Christmas to remind myself that I do like a lot of it really. And then I try to concentrate on those.

But so many yeses to what others have written already. Yes to it's all too much to remember, including blooming Christmas jumper days. Yes to wishing we could tone it down a bit. Yes to wondering what it's all for. Yes to not liking all those films and TV specials about saving Christmas and that meaning just the presents. I am also deeply uncomfortable with all the waste and the impact it must have on the planet. And I like all my family and my husband's family but I don't need to see ALL of them in a 5 day window, with all the travel that entails. I also find the lack of routine quite disregulating.

I also like to celebrate/notice Yule and the coming lengthening of the days. Interesting to see so many of us do. I really thought I was on my own with that. I usually decorate a yule log and eat on the solstice, and keep that separate to Christmas. I'd love to incorporate some other Yule traditions too so will be looking up sunshine bread and early carols.

I hate it all. I’ve been to the shops three days in a row to get stuff I forgot. Then I had to go to a second and third shop because the first shop was out of stock of the items I needed. Going to one shop is unpleasant - going to several shops for three days in a row is unbearable. And I’ll have to go tomorrow as well, to do the big food shop (with dark glasses on and earphones in). Then when the shopping is finally over, I have to put up with PEOPLE… and I have to pretend to enjoy it too.

My “real” Christmas is 27th when I’ll finally be left alone to read a book and eat crisps.

I quite enjoy Christmas. But then again I still live with my parents and don’t have kids of my own so I don’t have to deal with all the school nonsense. I grew up long before Elf on the Shelf and Christmas Eve boxes etc were a thing.
I also don’t have major sensory problems so I’m not bothered by supermarkets much.

I also think part of the issue with Christmas (having just said I like it!) is that the build-up lasts so long now… seeing shops selling Christmas stuff from early September onwards (or even earlier sometimes!), talk about what the Christmas ads are going to be like (eg John Lewis, the big supermarkets etc), businesses advising you to buy your gifts by x date to get it delivered by Christmas… and so on and so on.

@lovelycosyslippers The sunshine bread is, I think, pretty much my families tradition! I have spread it to several other people, but it's not as far as I know a traditional part of Yule. We also have it at the Summer Solstice! I make a round bread, shaped like the sun, with sunblushed tomatoes and cheese inside. Cut the dough at the edges and twist them.

We usually listen to In Hoary Winter's Night : Irish & English Songs of Wintertide by Joglaresa