So anxious that I want to run away and hide

[IFeelSoSoSad]

I am undiagnosed asd.

I have so many things causing me extreme worry and anxiety. I can’t deal with the fact that I can’t control them. The things that should help, are not working, and I can’t escape my mind. I am middle aged but feel like a child who needs someone else to solve the worries. I want to run away and switch off my mind. I am scared that DH won’t cope with the problems and I will have to cope alone or with his worries too.

Meditation and mindfulness don’t help now that there’s so much worry. I try to distract myself with tv comedies, food, making lists, but the worries push their way into my brain. They feel like pain, I feel tortured, sick and my stomach is playing up with the strain.

the GP was kind, but just signposted me to websites to help, but they just made things worse.

I wish I drank like other people(sort of) as I could use it to block out the worries. But alcohol makes me wallow and worse, so I don’t.

I need respite from my mind, but don’t know how to get it.

I am sorry you are feeling this way and some of what you say is relatable. Can you get out into nature for a regular walk, and try to solve just one worry at a time?

I'm sorry - I don’t know what the answer is but I understand how you feel…it’s absolute torture. The coping strategies only work when we’re not hugely anxious.

I don’t think you’re behaving like a child ..you just need support, especially as you’re taking on your DH’s worries too. Women tend to do this for everyone and it’s incredibly damaging. We’re meant to live in tribes and we’d never have had to deal with problems alone….if you were to become separated from your tribe you wouldn’t have survived for long and I think that even if we know we’re safe, our subconscious mind feels absolute terror at being alone.

Can you take Sertraline? It switched off the anxiety for me for a year and I felt it gave my body at least a chance to stop being adrenalised all the time.
I so sorry you’re feeling so bad. You’re not alone.

I’ve heard that mindfulness is terrible for autistic people and anyone prone to rumination. That sounds like you. Bin the meditation and mindfulness and seek out strategies for autistic people.

I would also consider antidepressants

Firstly I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Secondly I don’t think you should have to feel this way. Please go back to your GP or perhaps try a different GP who might be more sympathetic.
have you always felt this level of anxiety? My anxiety went through the roof with perimenopause but because I didn’t know much about it and I was in my early 40s I didn’t put 2 and 2 together until I was in my late forties and tried HRT and almost immediately the anxiety went away and I felt like the old me again.
I’m not saying that it’s definitely perimenopause but a decent GP should help you to figure things out. I would highly recommend seeing an older female GP they are much more sympathetic to this as they’ve been through it themselves.
if it’s not perimenopause there might still be other meds that could help you even if it was just temporary to give you some respite.
Please go back to your GP and demand to be listened to.
i hope you’re ok!

PS meant to say I’m waiting for my diagnosis but think I’m on the spectrum and I think that perimenopause massively exacerbated my anxiety and stress levels due to being ND I just wasn’t able to cope in the way that NT people might cope. I hope this helps.

Thanks everyone, I am a but tearful as you have all been so kind. I have tried antidepressants in the past, but hated some of the side effects. I feel like I need to stop my mind completely. DH has started to struggle himself as the stress seems to be catching.

Interesting to read that mindfulness and meditation doesn’t suit the ASD brain. I have been feeling like an extra failure when failing to get better using these techniques.

I am a bit surprised that there has been no follow up by the GP, when I was having what I would describe as a full on panic/anxiety attack on the phone with her. It does reinforce the feeling of worthlessness I feel.

I do worry that I might die from the stress, like I will cause a heart attack or stroke.

That sounds really painful. Some things that have helped me with anxiety are learning to juggle (it occupies all of the brain), playing chess online, exercise, playing a musical instrument and Calm app- specifically the soundscapes, but the guided sleep stories are good too. Also learning to make a tiny space between me and the anxiety ‘I’m with anxiety’ rather than ‘I have anxiety’.

I could have written these two posts. Even the bit about your husband. I at a loss of what to do - no strategies are working. I found your post by putting in I want to run away. I don’t know what to do either - I am taking anti depressants, maximum amount, not working. Like you I don’t want to turn to drink but daren’t.

@Hedgehog1966
One reason I think so many struggle today with overwhelming anxiety and depression is because the world around us has changed so dramatically.

I have a diagnosis of Aspergers. I was shopping today and needed items which I couldn’t get because the noise and pace of life/people was so overwhelming. It’s ridiculous. I feel really ashamed that I’m finding it harder and harder to be out in the world as I get older. I’ve had a career, marriage, kids and yet now, I’m simply unable to do any more than I absolutely need to. And yes, covid restrictions were my friend. I kept in touch with friends but no pressure to be doing meets and worrying about an occasion.

Please don’t flame me but… I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable with women and appearance. I’ve NO IDEA what that’s about; the full face makeup, massive lashes and full on gaudy appearance at 8am, like they’re off on a night out. I go to work and do wear makeup myself but that drag queen look, makes me physically recoil.

I’m going mad aren’t I?

I was in the habit of wine before going anywhere I knew I’d struggle to “be/fit”. I barely drank during Covid. That tells me a lot.