Does anyone else feel constantly tired?

[Kittyfudge]

I am diagnosed with ADHD and pretty sure I am on the autistic spectrum too.

I work three days a week and am exhausted! My job is working in the field of mental health, so dealing with people all day - one to one pretty intense conversations, group work, meetings etc. I can also sometimes work from home to do admin which is less tiring.

However, the days where I am seeing a lot of people, or out and about in the community, I come back home and am so overstimulated that I don't feel I can wind down (especially with DH and two teenagers here too). I fall asleep late, then often wake up at 3am and can't get back to sleep. Then on my days off I am exhausted and in bed all day.

It's so rubbish as to be honest I would like to work full time but I just don't know if I could cope. I don't feel stressed with work, it's just the ups and downs in energy levels and the overwhelming fatigue. I didn't work for years as I didn't feel I could cope with the dc being younger and work, but now they are teens I felt it was the right time. I feel like I put 100% into each conversation and interaction at work, I guess it's maybe hyperfocussing, but then that means I get tired afterwards.

I tried ADHD meds but they gave me migraines, so I'm not on anything at the moment. Does anyone have any tips or advice to regulate my energy levels?

Medication does help me enormously with the tiredness. I get headaches when I go up a dose but I was able to manage them with painkillers and they went away after a couple of weeks. It might be worth trying a different medication.

@BertieBotts Thank you. I got pretty debilitating migraines with the meds (I get migraines anyway, but usually only once every 6 months or so. With Elvanse I was getting one every other day!😫). So that did put me off, plus my blood pressure was raised. Maybe I do need to try meds again, I will see how it goes.

I think the difficulty is that if I come in from work after a busy day, ideally I would like to not talk to anyone and just be in a calm, quiet environment, and then that would help me wind down and go to sleep at a good time. However, family life is not like that! I don't feel that I wind down properly after work and then I don't sleep properly and the cycle continues!

It is exhausting. I don’t know about you but caffeine makes me tired, might be worth checking if there’s a pattern….. took me ages to figure this out, as obviously thought it would perk me up.

Yes I'm sure the sleep pattern isn't helping.

Hmm. I wonder if there's a way to build in some kind of buffer practice between work and home? I also get very amped up and "fizzy" from social contact and can't wind down.

Meditation session in the car before you come in? Could you join something like a yoga studio and use that as a buffer between work and home? Walk in nature? Depending on age of your kids (sounds like they might be old enough) could you actually come home and just shut yourself in a bedroom/bathroom for half an hour for a bath or nap or quiet reading time? Do you have a dog you could instantly take out for a walk?

My teenager tends to be cocooned in his room and not react to us coming home, so what's actually happening that's making it hard to relax? Is everyone wanting your attention as you walk in the door - to welcome you, to unload their stress, to tell you information (mum I need this for school, mum can I go to Jodie's party etc) or is it more general noise and bustle that is just difficult to relax in?

@Pibolar yes that's a good point. I feel I "need" two cups of tea in the morning to be more alert and get going, and then mid afternoon I have another one with some chocolate as I'm flagging by that point and it gives me a burst of energy. Even writing this down I can see it's obvious I am seeking dopamine highs to get me through the day which inevitably is going to lead to feeling tired afterwards.

I guess I need to push through those times where I feel I need a boost of energy, (and usually I would have caffeine or scroll on the internet etc) and then maybe long term I will feel less tired? What do people do if they are flagging during the day, but don't want to give themselves an artificial burst of energy or high?

@BertieBotts Thank you for all those good ideas - yes, I think having a buffer between work and home would be good. I'm actually a member of a gym where they do yoga and there is a sauna and steam room which are nice to relax in. I don't tend to go there after work as it's a 40 minute drive from work, whereas home is only 20 minutes away. I think I've felt like I should go back home straight after work to see the dc, have dinner together, help them with anything they need or have a chat - but maybe I need to prioritise my needs with this as I worry I'm going to burn out otherwise!

The dc do generally spend time in their rooms after school, I think it's just that I'm so hypersensitive to noise and bustle, especially after a day at work that I find it hard to switch off. I've realised that I need a lot of time alone and in quiet otherwise I can't function very well.

I feel such a failure sometimes when I think that a lot of parents work full time, socialise after work and at weekends etc and I can barely manage 3 days and very little socialising!

I think I've felt like I should go back home straight after work to see the dc, have dinner together, help them with anything they need or have a chat - but maybe I need to prioritise my needs with this as I worry I'm going to burn out otherwise!

I think these are important too but not at the expense of your needs. Also, does it have to be clashing? For example family dinner does not have to be every night. Maybe it could be just on the days you don't work, or even once a week like Sundays.

Having a chat might also fit into another part of the day.

Try not to frame things as what everyone else can do vs what you can do. Just try to get the right balance for you. It truly doesn't help to make comparisons all the time.