After feeling for most of my life like I was wired differently from most people I sought out psychiatric assessment earlier this year (privately, through DH's work insurance, but with someone very reputable). I thought I had ADHD, the psychiatrist reckons both ADHD and ASD ("what would have been called Asperger's"). I'm waiting on some further very in-depth assessment but the initial assessment is as above. And tbh it chimes with my own sense of myself / the things I find difficult.
I need to mention upfront that I am very lucky with where my work has ended up: I burnt out of my first career but have ended up starting a small charity which makes a lot of impact - hundreds of people a week. Other than me (salaried) we have a lot of volunteers - so apparently (to my surprise) people like working with me and come back again and again. I am always told that I'm organised, that I lead things and people well and so on. And I have full autonomy, which is important to me. The psychiatrist pointed out, and I suspect she's right, that I've just taught myself over the years how to behave with people, how to demonstrate interest and so on. And work is part time, so I'm not always "on".
But - I feel sad that I can't function in a "normal" workplace. I have no tolerance for other people's noises - eating, chairs moving etc. I find meetings very difficult - who speaks when, keeping to the topic rather than launching off about another idea and so on. I also really don't do well depending on other people / having to deal with other people's mistakes or bullshit. I can lead people, but working with them as colleagues is very challenging. I also never fitted in socially anywhere that I worked, despite trying to.
My work now is what it is. I don't find it challenging, and while I enjoy it I am also bored. I am really frustrated that I don't know where to go with the skills I have, some of which should make me an excellent employee (I'm very hard working, loyal etc) but which are counteracted or dragged down by my shortcomings. I'm hoping I get a bolt of inspiration for some sort of next step, but with conventional employment out the window it feels quite difficult.
Not sure what I'm asking really but happy to get it down in writing at least.