Assessment appointment finally arranged...

[TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet]

I've finally got a date through for my assessment for autism, and now I feel very worried about it! I'm swinging between thinking there must be a reason i'm like this and so that must mean autism to "i'm a fraud and just insane and emotional".

I even had a dream last night that I was at the assessment and they didn't want to diagnose me. They interviewed my husband, my mum, MiL and even my boss in my dream!

Did anyone else feel this way? I have 6 weeks to go and it is really bothering me!

I understand you're feeling a mix of emotions about your upcoming autism assessment. It's normal to feel this way. You might feel nervous because you want to understand yourself better but also scared about what the assessment might find.

Your dream shows that you're thinking a lot about this appointment. It's natural to have such dreams when we're worried or thinking a lot about something important.

Your doctor will likely talk to you and maybe others close to you to understand you better during the assessment. Sharing your feelings here is a good thing to do also. So those who have experienced such can be of help.

You might also want to try relaxing activities like breathing exercises or mindfulness, which is a way to focus on the present moment.

Remember, this assessment is a step towards getting to know yourself better and finding the right support. It's a positive step, even though it might feel scary now.

thanks I understand the process, but I wondered has anyone else felt this way.

I had the same feelings. I was tempted to cancel because I felt like I was just being ridiculous and wasting people’s time. I was also worried if I was diagnosed would it be used against me and would I regret it? Like would social services use it to take my kids away, or if I get divorced will DH use it against me to get custody, etc.

Anyway I went ahead and was diagnosed with autism. So now I wonder if it’s perhaps a mistake and by pushing so hard I’ve got myself stuck with a label that could have been avoided, and maybe I don’t really have it.

Thanks @Ormonde. I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m having all those same thoughts. I see how people with other disabilities have been treated and it worries me. But I also don’t know if I can carry on going through life without knowing one way or the other. It’s horrible

You don't have to disclose your diagnosis to others, but it may help you at work if you do.

SS won't take your kids because you're autistic. Your diagnosis may make it easier to get them assessed if they show signs.

Yep...

It's bloody horrible isn't it!

Yes, I remember similar. I swung between feeling that I was a fraud who shouldn’t have been sent for an assessment, to I wasn’t a fraud, but I’d somehow mess the whole thing up and I wouldn’t be diagnosed.

It’s quite a long time since I had mine so I don’t know if things have changed, but I had two appointments, with two different psychologists. They were a number of weeks apart, so I also had time to spend ruminating over how badly the first assessment had gone (It hadn’t gone badly, but that didn’t stop me worrying myself sick.)

If I could go back in time, I would have told myself that it wasn’t a test that I had to pass: I was struggling and I was going to talk to people who wanted to help me and if I wasn’t diagnosed with autism, I would likely get a diagnosis for something else and/or be referred onto to someone else who could help.

I felt like this, I have the most awful imposter syndrome. I spent years going from 'I must be autistic because x/y/z indicate it and it makes everything make sense' to 'don't be so bloody ridiculous' before I was even able to approach anyone to try and be assessed. It was very hard to deal with, probably more so for DH as it is literally all I spoke about for months once the assessment was arranged. He had to put up with my constantly explaining why I was definitely autistic and then I would say no I can't be and it went round in circles

Im sorry I have no advice but I do fully understand and I think what you feel is normal for this stage, good luck for your assessment

Imposter syndrome is exactly how it feels.