So tired of my own autism

[londonsquirrel]

A bit of a moan here...
I am so tired of not being able to do what the people without autism do - connect with others, not feel awkward after every social interaction, not be stuttered by the end of the day because of all the overwhelming things around...
Surely, NT people have some other struggles.
But it is so painful.
And I cannot see the end of this pain...

oh I think I kind of feel the same op it is hard

I was out with a colleague on a working lunch the other week. This massive deal to me but she had get me offsite to discuss some issues I been having

honestly the way she did take me on walk, then sudden change in plans as our transport back was no in place. So she call up a taxi and we get in and go back. Then we go to lunch and I cannot eat anything in the menu and nearly end up crying about it so she just order me some chips instead. It was THAT easy for her to just do stuff

I am generally so incapable I sometimes forget until I am actually in that situation. I cannot go anywhere new by my own, I do no understand a lot of things going on at work, a routine in gym changes and it is actually the worst thing that ever happen and I have a meltdown over it

it is exhausting to live with it but sometimes, just sometimes the highs I get when I am massively happy about something and I make everyone smile I think I do try be a good person but I must be so challenging to be around sometimes

@londonsquirrel this is so relatable. I was accused of internalised ableism by someone for talking about this in real life. Like I know the theory, I've taken on messages about how crap I am etc etc. But I want to be like everyone else NT. working makes me want to kill myself every day. The mismatch, the anxiety, the self hatred. It's exhausting. Everything is exhausting.

I understand what you’re saying. I hate the whole “ASD/ADHD is a superpower!!!” narrative these days. It’s such bullshit. I get that some neurodiverse individuals have a happy life. But I imagine that, for a lot of us, ASD is awful to live with.

I hear you, and your feelings are valid. It can be really tough feeling like you're on a different wavelength from others. But remember, your unique perspective also holds value and significance. It's important to acknowledge your feelings, and it's okay to feel frustrated.
Here are a few steps you might consider:

1. Seek Support: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be empowering. Look for local or online autism support groups.
2. Explore Therapy: A therapist can provide strategies to manage social interactions and cope with overwhelming emotions.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Everyone has their own struggles and strengths, including you.
4. Discover Your Strengths: Embrace the things you excel at and enjoy. Focusing on your strengths can help build self-esteem and provide a sense of accomplishment.

You're not alone in this journey, and with the right support and self-compassion, growth and understanding are achievable.