Yes sorry for the delay.
What I mean is that, whether it came from me being young with my first child or starting out with "attachment parenting" and being sceptical of stuff like baby routines, or just having an annoying "question everything" sort of nature, (is that ND?) I tended to simply avoid anything that I couldn't see a direct point of. For example, I didn't make DS1 get dressed if we weren't going out, or didn't get him dressed first thing in the morning if we were going out later, I tended to say yes to everything that wasn't a clear safety issue, I tended to be lax on boundaries because it was easy to give in etc. I honestly saw this all as being child-led or seeing things from their perspective or picking my battles, or sometimes I was even insufferably smug about it 
(just privately!) assuming that I was so much cleverer than everyone else who just "goes along with NT expectations" without thinking, and my assumption was that by being laid back on certain aspects of parenting and centring our relationship, when I really had to get him to do something, he would be understanding and want to cooperate. Which is actually not what I found would happen.
But this all in its way created its own kind of problems. DS1 used to be extremely anti getting dressed, for example. I just assumed that was normal toddler/young child stuff - it's not an uncommon parenting battle, of course. But when I had more children years later with a DH who is a bit more traditional and just gets on with things, he would get them dressed every morning even if they didn't want to. I at first thought why would you even bother, this is making more work for you for no reason. But then I realised that actually, DS2 being used to getting dressed every single morning means that while he will do the usual "No I don't want to/I'll do it later" it's momentary and he gets over this fairly quickly and it's not that difficult to persuade him. All of the "usual tricks" like letting him have a choice, or pretending to be a clothes delivering robot, are usually highly effective, whereas they didn't have a chance in hell of working with DS1. I assumed that this was because DS2 was probably NT and DS1 is not. But actually as DS2 gets older he is quite clearly not NT, and in fact we're reaching a stage where he is just as, or even perhaps more, explosive/reactive than DS1. And I think that I really just underestimated the power of just setting children's expectations. DS2 expects that he will get dressed every single morning, except perhaps the occasional day where he's really so ill that he doesn't move off the sofa (and, TBH, even the majority of ill days, he gets dressed.) DH - not really me - created that expectation by pushing through even when he got resistance. And because he's expecting to get dressed, it means that it's fairly easy to get him to get dressed. Sometimes he even does it all by himself! Often there is some persuasion needed, but in general, it's something that he knows will happen one way or another and so he isn't particularly opposed to it.
Also, when we did then want to go out later in the day, it means that we can simply get shoes, coats on and go. Whereas I remember with DS1 it being the most frustrating exercise ever to leave the house and it would take HOURS and leave me stressed and sometimes crying and him stressed and sometimes crying, we would be late for everything, I never brushed either of our hair, he rarely wore proper clothing for the season, we generally were a bit of a mess. I remember posting on MN in a fit of rage/despair at the fact that I would be busy getting one shoe on him while he was merrily taking the other sock off and flinging that sock and shoe somewhere. And laughing manically. (Nobody could relate, BTW! Because they probably weren't ADHD parents of ADHD kids.)
The expectation wasn't there. The habit wasn't there. I think ADHD makes me instantly go "Ugggggh!" at the notion of habits and routines and expectations. But they are necessary with young children because they really really need things to be predictable.
With DS1, because he was not expecting to be made to get dressed it was a massive drama and palaver every time we did it. And when he wasn't dressed already, when I wanted to leave the house I had to perform an entire thing with so many steps in order to get us both to a state where we could leave the house. (Multi step tasks... ADHD...) I needed to get dressed. I needed to get myself into a calm headspace to persuade him to get dressed. Then I needed to actually dress him. This is assuming there was even any clean washing. Then there would be sensory meltdowns about not having his favourite clothes, wanting short sleeves in the middle of winter etc. By this time he'd be dysregulated, I'd be dysregulated. We'd come downstairs and have another argument about the weather. Because I had time blindness I would now be stressing/panicking about us being late. This would make everything more difficult and lead to the taking one shoe off while I put the other one on scenario.
This is all a long winded way of saying that although maybe it seems like it's easier not to do certain things, it can actually create more problems and I've basically learned to look at general parenting (or other) expectations as "things people have discovered help life in general run more smoothly". I do not always have to understand WHY they are there but I should probably try to do them, and only examine them more critically if/when they are causing problems.
I know that runs counter to a lot of ND advice, which basically says that you don't need to follow NT expectations if they are actively making life difficult for you, and I have absolutely no answer to this except that it is most likely a Middle Way thing - where some people are trying much too hard to stick to too many NT life expectations and hurting because of it, whereas some people (like me with parenting) are turning too far in the opposite direction and struggling because of it.
Another example, in case this post was not long enough - family dinner.
YES - in theory, it's possible to achieve all the individual aspects of family dinner: Feeding everyone, economising food production, teaching table manners, encouraging trying new foods, cooking from scratch, talking to your children, having a screen-free period of the day - without family dinner. But family dinner is a way to achieve all of these things at once and once it's a habit, nobody questions it. I thought that because it was hard for me to do family dinner, I would save work by addressing each aspect separately but it turns out that I just don't address most of them. Everyone gets fed, the others are questionable.