Methylphenidate robot/zombie effect?

[CosmicSoup]

Day 4 on Xaggitin 18mg for ADHD
It's managing my problematic ADHD symptoms astonishingly well but I feel like in terms of emotional regulation it's OVER regulating to the point I'm completely unable to feel affected by anything at all!

A bus driver had an angry go at me yesterday for "not tapping card right" I just looked at him confused but literally felt zero emotion, my blank expression made him worse.
Guy in the chippy made a simple joke, took me a few moments to realize he was joking and fake a laugh. He didn't look amused.
Accidentally offended my mum with a truth I shouldn't have said, like my empathy is gone. ADHD me had HYPER empathy.

Is it revealing my autism or is the medication (Xaggitin) truly over regulating my emotions? I love the effect in a way but it's problematic

If it's only been 4 days, wait and see if it sorts itself out. I have been through a few different medications/dosages now and it is always weird for the first few days and then after a couple of weeks it's like my body's got the hang of what is happening and it smooths out a bit. I was told that this is normal, and it's best to give yourself time to adjust unless the side effects are so bad that they are actually dangerous.

If people react strangely to you, and you don't want to say "I'm on a new medication" you could say "I'm sorry, I'm a bit sleep deprived at the moment" and let that explain it away.

18mg is a tiny tiny dose so to have such an extreme reaction is likely just the new medication reaction. Nobody told me about this

When is your next appointment?

I'm not sure when my next appointment is, my psychiatrist is awful at telling me things, I've requested a call back and he'll supposedly call be back during the week.

I feel like I'm not really any more motivated to get things done on the Methylphenidate but it chemically restrains me and makes me immune to my usual rage attacks that can occur from either a trigger (angering situation) or just the buildup of angry emotions that for whatever reason I CANNOT process properly and then it builds up to much and comes out in a flood. The methylphenidate makes me well not emotionless but unable to be affected by much and my head is empty of thoughts and I get so much relief... the first 3 days? absolute bliss but I do suspect I was still in a drug induced euphoria and a slight trance, but my head was empty and blissful.

Today on day 4, mmm not so much but still very good effects in terms of concentration and focus, the problem is that my medication is supposed to wear out at 10pm tonight (12hrs) but it actually wore off at 5pm and by 6pm I was crashing HARD, I've never experienced a stimulant crash before and right now at 7:30 I'm alternating between emotionless and empty to intense agitation, every few minutes it gets so intense I want to punch myself in the face.

Supposedly I have autism, diagnosed 2005 and adhd last month, the older I've gotten the more severe my emotional regulation issues have become, the crash is making it unbearable, I can't go through this all the time.

I don't know if it's autism meltdowns or adhd rage or WHAT it is, but I've always had periods of depressed stability followed by periods of emotional instability, I NEVER hurt people and I've NEVER had the desire to, but when the racing thoughts get too much or sometimes it's just like "mind pressure" I smash my face off a wall or punch a tree and cut my face and hands up. I then feel some relief for a while. I prefer it when it comes out as hysterical crying and I don't have the impulsive feeling like I just need to smash my face off something. I'm not getting the help I need I see my social worker once every two weeks. My neighbours think I'm a freak and society rejects me.
Autism? Bipolar? Something else? I don't know
I just don't know what to do and these meds are messing me up a bit and the psychiatrist is doubling my dosage next month

Talk to them before you increase it.

Apparently it's normal for a lower dose not to last as long as it should.

The effect you get when it goes out of your system is called stimulant rebound, it's horrible, but not inevitable. Sometimes trying a different drug can help, sometimes you can mess with the timing.

It might not be the right medication for you, you might do better on elvanse. However there are shortages of this at the moment so they may want to stick with methylphenidate to see if it settles down. I think there's also atomoxetine? But I think they prefer not to use that for some reason.

Thanks!
Day 5 is a heckuva lot better with zero side effects and nothing but positive medicative effect! But it's been a positive day overall, the real test will be when a horrible challenging day presents itself on medication. I still think it'll be a lot easier. The crash really does suck, but the tradeoff is worth it. Not sure It'll get any easier emotionally but I've always been very in touch with my feelings (thankfully the robot feeling was gone today!)

Thanks for your reply, I do appreciate it.

Hey that's great! I do find that after a while on the same dose, things seem to settle down and it's OK. I also have noticed that my ADHD makes me jump much to soon to "I hate this/it isn't working" whereas on the occasions that I hold on just a little longer for some reason, I normally find that it actually does start working - I seem to get that quit moment just before the turning point, I just never really realised this... because I always quit

Not just with medication, with anything - a challenge/puzzle, trying to get DC to sleep etc. It's always when I text DH all frustrated saying "He'll never sleep ever!" and DH says "OK I'll come and take over, can you give me 15 mins?" and I think ugggggh FINE - and then DC is asleep within 5-10 minutes.

Tell your doctor about the crash if it's still happening when you have the phone call.

Also if you have periods I think it's worth taking the same dose across an entire menstrual cycle - potentially 6-8 weeks so that you can repeat parts of the cycle. This is meant to make a big difference, too.

I mean I guess if I started bleeding out my vagina I would be really freaked out, but more so at the sudden inexplicable realization of having a vagina.

You've probably figured out by now I'm a guy 🤣, but I'll keep that advice in mind... I mean stranger things, right?

Anyway, the quitting thing is real. I was reading some late 90s NHS camhs records about my childhood (have tons!) I found a very curious observation scrawled in pen on a printed sheet that said "xx seems stuck in a perpetual cycle of 1/2 fantasy and 1/2 disappointment" and another that said "XX appears to always end an activity before it becomes disappointing - seeks permanent delight"

Very illuminating! Now my cryptic camhs records make sense! ADHD!

"The lack of an early containing mind" , I'm still tryna crack decode that note but the other ones sure make sense now!
As a child I had zero frustration or disappointment tolerance and that blend into adulthood.

I'm happy for you that the meds are working well for you too, and you find raising your child easier, it makes everything so much easier doesn't it!!
We are calmer and have space between feeling and reaction, space for thought! Slower thoughts!

Well that's why I said if, because never assume right? ;) Makes it simpler anyway hopefully.