can you have autism or ADHD if you have BPD?

[CutiePatooties]

Sorry, this is a long one! Thanks to anyone who reads all the way through!

I have BPD, but I’m noticing more things that are impacting my life that feel more like something else might be at play here. I could be overthinking it though….

When I’m in a depressed episode or feeling angry, I get crippling sensory overload. I hear every gulp or slurp of a drink, every lick of an ice lolly. I even can’t stand how people breathe and have to leave the room when people are eating, drinking or breathing loud. I notice smells more and at times have to turn the light off or sit in a dark room as it’s just too bright. The thing is, when I’m calm and happy I don’t notice any of these things at all!

I have meltdowns with changes in routine. I ran to the toilet crying at work yesterday because my daily routine had changed in a flash and as a result of feeling overwhelmed, I didn’t complete the tasks I needed to complete.

If we go away for a few days, the first day I shut myself inside the accommodation and if I have to go out, I become very snappy and extremely irritated. I can’t sleep at night and I start arguing with DH saying I have to go home and beg for us to leave. After the first night I’m fine.

I’m not interested in what people say to me, or I struggle to follow what people say as I zone out and think of other things (do this when I watch tv as well, so I’m constantly rewinding). Unless it’s something I’m interested in and then I’m oblivious to everything else that’s going on! I interrupt people a lot, often blurting out what I want to say as I’m desperate to talk about ‘my thing.’ I don’t socialise any more, only at work as a chit-chat thing but people have started to not talk to me at work now and I don’t blame them as I don’t really follow social norms and have quite often said things that later I’ve realised can be taken as an insult but by then it’s too late. I don’t have any friends and struggle to make or maintain relationships.

I lose focus in group settings or being told a lot of information. I’m forgetful - forget appointments, when to take meds, always misplace things- I lose my phone on average 5 times a day. I get really into one type of fashion and collect everything in that style then switch up a few months later so I have 10 cardigans all the same but different colours, 20 dresses same but different colours, designer jewellery in boxes just collected them don’t wear them… all one designer then when I’ve collected all of theirs I move to the next.

I’m really focussed and organised when I first start tasks but quickly become disinterested and end up not finishing them. I find it hard to maintain eye contact. I used to push this and overly do it (I’m sure I looked creepy) as I would force myself to do it constantly but as I’ve aged I’ve found ways to minimise having to do it (limiting how much I speak to people, really). I get extremely anxious when I talk to someone who uses direct eye contact.

I’m not sure if these are just part of BPD? Maybe a symptom that branches off one of those listed on the diagnostic criteria? I’ve asked for a phone consultation with the GP but they haven’t got back to me yet.

Hello you sound really similar to me. I always thought I had some kind of personality disorder and have been trying to get help with my mental health for over fifteen years now. I don't have a mental health diagnosis yet, but last year, when a hostile mental health nurse upset me so much I had to look out of the window and not at her, I was told I fit with an autism diagnosis and the mental health team referred me. I'm due to get my diagnosis this week but I'm sure now I am autistic and my 16 year old son is also showing very strong signs.
I struggle with so many things like you, like losing things and being disorganised, I'm also think I'm quite intelligent but can be slow and struggle to understand what is happening in face to face situations. I've been taken advantage of, bullied and ridiculed my whole life. Even by mental health professionals!
The same with holidays too, I used to get so stressed and anxious before going away but once I was there I could relax.
I can focus really well and process written information really quickly, people have commented on this, but have not been able to hold down a job or complete education courses.
I also love possessions, if I like say a cushion or a bowl, I will buy loads of similar items. I just love looking at them and they make me feel safe and happy. I was the same as a child, I loved my books and toys more than people.
I never even thought of that as collecting, as I associated that with boring things like stamp collecting or men who collect beer mats or something 🤣.
I also have a terrible temper and can be very hurtful and vindictive to people who I think have hurt me or let me down. I have done a lot of bad things. I don't know if that is because of trauma or neurodiversity. If I feel anyone is bullying me or being dismissive I will just flip and over react so much.
Hope that makes sense

@Gimjam thank you so much for replying and yes, that makes perfect sense to me. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through being bullied and ridiculed (especially at the hands of a trained professional who is meant to be there to help you!)

I hope you get the support you need. I’m finding it hard - I’ve tried 5 different meds to help with BPD and had adverse reactions to all of them and my mood swings are getting worse so the sensory overload gets worse and I can’t keep shutting myself indoors, only going out when I have work and having crying outbursts at work when it all gets too much. I feel like it’s not just BPD but maybe it is and it’s escalating because I haven’t found the right meds. Doesn’t help that my GP is beyond useless.

Yes I get what you mean, I'm not even working now and just finding everything so overwhelming that I'm barely going out. Amazon can deliver everything I need, so why go out and have to face horrible people.
It's devastating though to be told it is probably autism and looking back on all the negative experiences I've had and questioning it all.
I'm supposed to getting this assessment for BPD but the nurses are upsetting me and I can't go to the hospital again in person. I couldn't stop crying after last appointment, was only in there twenty minutes but the nurse was rushing me and was abrupt. So will have to do it virtually.
I don't want medication as am really sensitive to it. I've taken antidepressants in the past but some made my impulsivity much worse and one made me suicidal. This was mentioned to me when they talked about autism diagnosis, perhaps the same with you?
Do you take any supplements, I have been taking omega 3 for years, I used to be much much worse before taking that, so maybe you could look into that.
My sleep has never been great but it is a bit better now, I take magnesium too.
It's such a struggle isn't it.

Thank you for the tip about supplements - I’ve bought some today so I’m hoping they will help.

I was assessed via a zoom call and I preferred that to be honest. I do think as soon as I said I struggle with my self identity, he then asked questions all linked to BPD so we never spoke about any of my symptoms I’ve mentioned in my OP.

I find it hard going down to my GP. I spoke to them about possible ADHD and a doctor said she would refer me if I get my weight, BMI and blood pressure checked and fill in a questionnaire. I went down twice and the questionnaire wasn’t left at reception and they cancelled my check up last minute and that tipped me over the edge as again, it changed my plans for that day. So I haven’t been down there again and keep putting through E-consults but get no call back. I am struggling and feel like no one wants to help me. It’s awful that we’re both experiencing a lack of support from people who are supposed to help us.
I work two days a week now, but find this extremely hard as I get used to being at home for 5 days then have to go in and be on top of everything for the two days. Then the change around in timetable last minute just completely threw me off! I had to ask for cover while I cried in the toilet and was extremely embarrassed. Work were very compassionate though and have told me I will be told in advance from now on, if there are to be any changes to my day at all. Just would like to get to the bottom of what’s going on with me, as far as I’ve researched online and in books, a change of routine isn’t a problem for those with BPD but I could be wrong. I had hoped someone could advise on here from a lived in perspective, but I think my post is too long as I waffle on a lot!

It felt good to get a reply from you and to have your point of view on this, so thank you very much for taking the time to reply. Do you know when you will be having your assessment?

Thanks for replying to me. I think I waffle and talk about myself too much too! (Not saying you do)
I prefer to see people in person for assessments and stuff, but the travelling and hospital environment are too much for me, especially with winter coming. I don't like seeing myself in zoom calls and struggle using technology too, but I can't go back to the mental health hospital.
I had a bad experience with the latest nurse and I just got really upset. Just had so many awful experiences where I've been dismissed or laughed at or just not taken seriously. I think NHS mental health services are awful really to be honest, just seems like the staff don't care or cba. I appreciate they have to deal with people with really severe mental illness and perhaps they just want to focus on them. I always feel like I have to push to get anything from them and they'd really prefer it if I didn't bother them.
So now I'm waiting again for another nurse to be free to assess me. The IAPT, who were so much better, asked me if I wanted to see a psychiatrist. Seems like there's no chance of that though.
I suppose the silver lining of having a hostile nurse upset me so much I couldn't make eye contact, is that it flagged the autism. (Has anyone said anything to you about your eye contact, possibly that could indicate autism.)
So the mental health team made the referral and I was seen within a year. I don't know how it would work if you try to refer yourself through the GP.
I've asked for a ADHD referral too, they just texted me lots of questions and I should be seen next year for that.
I'm definitely waffling and repeating myself haha, sorry hope you can make sense of what I've written.

Couple of things they asked me in my autism assessment which you might find interesting and see if they relate to you,
they asked me when I played with toys as a child, did I make up stories about them or did I like to line them up. At first I wasn't sure, but realised that when I played alone, I would always just dress my dolls and line them up neatly. Also when I played with Lego, I would always build the same thing each time, nice neat houses.
If I was playing with other children I would join in the imaginary people games but not by myself.
Also used to like doing things repetively.
Just something interesting I never even realised I did. Also I always felt more strongly attached to my books and things than my family and friends.

I probably won't post again as I get anxious giving advice sorry. Good luck though

Can I just ask, this is related to BPD, my relationships and life have been really chaotic and I've never been able to hold down a job, all my relationships with men have been abusive. I have had dealings with the police and social services, I'm ashamed to say. Also lots of bullying and arguments with people.
Has your life been stable or can you relate to any of my experiences. Thanks

I don’t think you waffle at all - very articulate in fact.

I can’t remember anything really about my childhood. I know my brother (who is 8 years older than me) was always violent and I’d always witness him hitting other family members - pushed mum down the stairs, punched my sister in the face when she had braces so cut all her mouth open and blood was everywhere, used to cut his arms and show us, punched/pushed/fought with my brothers and my dad. My mum would get stressed out with raising 7 kids and just decide she’s leaving all of us and I remember from the age of about 4 or 5 she’d walk out and say she’s never coming back and my dad would take us out in the car late at night searching for her. Nothing was ever said when she got back home and this just played on repeat for years where I’d never really know whether my mum was going to leave me at any point. It’s strange because you’d think I would have blocked out the negative parts, but I can only remember those things and can’t remember playing, reading books, going to school etc. It’s like I have blacked out my childhood.
I haven’t been in trouble with the law, but have self-sabotaged in other ways. Binge eating, reckless with money, walking out on jobs, failed relationships, self harmed, suicidal ideation. I get a job and then find reasons to leave it. I’ve walked out on a few not handing in my notice, I’ve handed in notices with no other job lined up and haven’t thought about the consequences of doing this until it’s been too late. I cut off friendships if I perceive someone as not being loyal to me. Have easily cut off a brother and sister and have no contact at all with them. I see people in very black and white terms. As I say, can cut off a friendship from one incident if I feel they’ve betrayed me (could be a small thing in other people’s view) but to me it always seems big. Equally, if someone does anything to indicate they are here for me, I can see no wrong in them, always talk in a high regard about them, will want constant contact. My DH was what is known as my favourite person (this is a term used for those with BPD) where I came obsessed with him really. Needed to have him with me all the time, constant contact, had to know what he is doing etc. That’s completely flipped over the years as I don’t feel he has been supportive of me and now everything he does irritates me and I quite often find reasons to be away from him if I can.
My mood swings are debilitating. I dread waking up as I don’t know who I’m going to be when I wake. I initially went to have an assessment as I thought I had bipolar, as I wake up some days and I wonder what’s the point in living, I sleep a lot, won’t go out, become irritated by everyone and everything and can’t focus. Other days I wake up agitated and that’s when sensory overload kicks in and I can’t be around anyone eating, drinking or breathing apparently! Then I have times in the day where despite waking like this, I’m suddenly hyperactive - dancing around the living room with my kids, being silly, can’t sit still, jumping around, feeing like I’m on top of the world. When it kicks in I wonder why I’m suddenly hyperactive and think I should sit down now as I’m tired, but my body just doesn’t allow it. It’s hard to put into words.
No one has commented on the eye contact, as I don’t have friends any more and I used to force eye contact and do it in an OTT way as I knew I had to do it. At work I don’t give eye contact, but I’m only in 2 days a week and don’t go in the staff room, so really I don’t see anyone for anyone to notice. If I do talk to someone at work I’ll try and do things while I’m talking to them so it isn’t obvious. I’ll occupy myself with something, or act like I’m sorting a button on my shirt, or undo my hair and re-do it, so they don’t just realise I’m not looking at them.
Not sure if I’ve helped answer your question in any way, sorry. I went off on a tangent then and part-way through writing I zoned out a bit. You’re right that it’s a struggle and when the five meds didn’t work I was just left to fend for myself. I do feel like I’m getting worse.

BPD is a very common misdiagnosis for autistic women. You can blame Simon Baron-Cohen for this.

Same as me to a t
ive autism ,and I’m getting assessed soon for adhd .

Your describing me and my life ,I have autism diagnosis

@Anotherstressedmother thank you - I do feel like there’s more going on with me and no treatment for BPD is working and there’s certain things I experience that don’t fall under BPD. I’ll try and push with the GP.

Hi OP, I'm not sure you can have all three as I'm not a diagnostician, but I do know from personal experience and anecdotally from others' stories, that many women get misdiagnosed with all sorts before they finally get their autism diagnosis.

In my own lifelong quest to find out what was 'wrong' with me, I read so many books and did so many online assessments that said I had EVERY type of anxiety and personality disorder going! Needless to say this put me off seeking help as it looked like I was really messed up.
Then I logically thought it couldn't actually be possible for someone to have every single mental health/personality disorder at once and so it must be something else entirely.

I was finally diagnosed autistic earlier this year at age 45.

Hope this helps and good luck going forward 🤩

*edited typo

@CutiePatooties
Can relate to loads of what you describe. I remember my childhood quite well though. I actually lived in a lovely village and went to a nice primary school and my grandparents used to spoil me, so even though family were abusive and cruel, I have some nice childhood memories. All went to shit though when I went to high school. Non stop bullying from the first day.
Self sabotage. Yes, I've done that. So many things. I've done very risky and dangerous things. Things I'm ashamed to admit. Though I don't feel any guilt. Just shame.
I got my diagnosis of autism yesterday. And now feeling really low because I've had a lifetime of being treated like shit.
Even by so called professionals. And there's zero support or help.
Just nothing.
I know what you mean about mood swings too. My son has commented on them, how I can be distraught one minute and hysterical with laughter the next. I will also get agitated and hyper and my thoughts will race. I also used to think it could be bipolar.

I'm on a waiting list for ADHD assessment too. Just want the arseholes at the Jobcentre to leave me alone. Can never go back in there again.

@CutiePatooties you know the favourite person? Is that when you are obsessed and idolise someone, worship the ground they walk on? I met someone like this, its been going on for years, and he has been in prison and uses drugs. I was completely obsessed with him and was blind to his faults. He has treated me very badly but it is like some kind of addiction. At least when seeing him I felt alive you know? If I don't see him, I get very depressed. But I also swing between loving him and hating his guts.