Sleep procrastination

[Cecilisacaterpillar]

I have autism and have always had bad sleep patterns but it's ridiculous at the moment, as evidenced by the fact that I'm posting this at stupid-o'clock! I could (and should) have gone to bed hours ago but here I am and I'm finding it so frustrating, it's like I'm consciously screwing myself over and I have no idea why.

I have important stuff to do tomorrow (well, today now obviously) and now I'm going to have to do it on less than four hours kip and I have no one to blame but myself. I need to make a phone call at 8am which I can't miss and have a therapy session at lunchtime because I'm going through something really difficult at the moment, I wait all week for these sessions and they're really helping so why have I sat here doom scrolling and watching utter crap on tv when I know being tired will make it harder?

It feels like self-sabotage but I'm fully aware I'm doing it and already stressing about the consequences so why can't I just stop it when I can see I'm just making my own life harder? Can anyone relate, please tell me I'm not the only one who does this, even better if you can tell me how to fix it 🙏

I hate the thought of all the steps in between getting from the sofa to bed.

Both my husband and I are autistic and both of us will sit there and know we want to go, need to go, but can't go!

So I started cutting a few out by doing them earlier, I'll put my pyjamas on when I get my children ready for bed, far more comfy to relax on the sofa in them anyway, and no outdoor clothes when sitting on their beds to read to them.
I'll do my face cream when I go up to the bathroom at some point of the evening, so another step between bed done.

I enjoy reading, so I always want to make sure I have time enough to read if I am enjoying my book, so making there be something you want to be in bed for, like reading is useful.

Brush my teeth and do my hair before reading.

No phone, TV or anything else is usually used in bedroom, though the occasional essential Google of something from a book does take place when you NEEEEED to know the answer right now!

For me it's less that it's too much effort to go up and more that I feel I'm somehow missing something or depriving myself of 'me time', which is ridiculous as I get plenty of time to myself. I think there's also an element of deliberately not doing the thing I know I should be doing too, maybe some degree of pathological demand avoidance? It does happen with other stuff too so seems likely, just have absolutely no idea how to combat it.

It's helpful to identify the thought patterns.

If you feel like it's eating into me time, would it help to think about your days as a whole and how much me time you get in general? For example some people get up early in order to be alone before other people are awake and because they want to do that they can convince themselves to go to bed. It's meant to be one of the ways to turn into a morning lark from being a night owl.

I am sitting here on Mumsnet when I need to eat lunch and tidy the house before going on the school run. I've had 2 hours and the baby has now woken up....

I get such a weird feeling when I procrastinate. Like a tingly feeling and a rush of nervous energy that is paralysing. I am buzzing right now, but it is so hard to get myself up and going. It's also really stressful and I only get it when I am anxious because I know I'm putting something off.

The only thing that gets me out of it is sheer desperation, a simple objective and a count down. Get the baby. 3,2,1...

Could you sleep downstairs on the couch instead? Or do your evening chilling out and relaxing in bed instead? The rules about sleeping in particular rooms are arbitrary.

Some scientists believe that pre-industrialisation, typical sleep patterns were bi-phasic. Several hours of deep sleep, followed by a wakeful period, followed by a period of lighter, dreamy sleep into the morning. I find it very helpful to remember this when I wake in the night so instead of worrying about insomnia, I think smugly that I’m in touch with my evolutionary history 😂

Dozing off on an armchair, and then going to bed when you wake up is just as valid a sleep pattern if it works for you.

Do you feel sleepy at other times? I have often found that if I resist the urge to nap during the day, I’m more wide awake and alert at bedtime. Or if I’m struggling to keep my eyes open when I put the dc to bed, I’ll be hyper at my own bedtime. Obviously it’s not always possible to just nod off when we feel like it, but sometimes if you can it can be what you need to reset.

This is me! I've heard it called "revenge bedtime procrastination" and it's been a struggle all my life, but even more so since having my son as I know going to sleep means the end of my "me time"/giving in to the next day of juggling work/parenting/all the other demands. Totally relate to the denand avoidance element too, that's definitely part of it for me, I even procrastinate going to the toilet.

A bi-phasic sleep pattern actually really works for me! Though I sort of developed it by accident, I often accidentally fall asleep putting my son to bed but found it really works for me to "get a few hours in" early when I'm most done in, then I wake up for a few hours in the middle of the night (beautiful, adult, demand free time when everyone else is asleep) and potter about to my hearts content knowing I've already put a few hours in the bank which takes the pressure off. I then go back to bed for another few hours when I feel like it. I also do what another pp said, pajamas on when my son does his. Another thing I sometimes do is try to "catch myself out" by making an unexpected sudden decision to go to bed before I've started thinking about it/putting it off, if that makes sense!

Really relate to this, I have such an intense sense of agitation when I'm procrastinating, actively really wanting to do the thing/not enjoying whatever procrastination activity I'm doing, but totally unable to break out of the paralysis