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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Don’t think ADHD but should seek help with these symptoms?

9 replies

Corilee2806 · 02/10/2023 19:13

Hi, hoping I’ve come to the right place for advice. Have been feeling something ‘isn’t right’ for a while but my relationships and especially work is starting to be affected. It’s been more noticeable since having two young children and I used to drink a lot I think as a coping mechanism and now don’t, so nothing is dulled. Have a mix of the following and any given time:

  • Racing thoughts and mind doesn’t shut down all day - like having lots of tabs, conversations and lists open in my brain. This could just be the demands of a full on job and young children though
  • Especially in conflict with others, constantly having internal monologue or dialogue in my head which is exhausting
  • Difficulty with focus and concentration, especially with starting big new projects and tasks, put things off until last minute
  • super sensitive to others feelings, to the point I pick up on any small mood change and take it personally
  • Daydreaming and playing out scenarios in my head
  • prone to anxiety/low mood especially when children were very young
  • imposter syndrome especially at work because I feel so much pressure to perform and the reality is I just feel like I’m winging it
  • Find social situations overwhelming and need to have time to recover after
  • Can struggle with simple daily routines like showering

I didn’t suffer with any of this as a child and was very academic. I started to struggle once I had to be self sufficient but have always looked quite successful to others I imagine - but I did used to drink to cope with life which I think was part of it. Any thoughts on how I could go about getting some answers? I’m exhausted and seem to be in a cycle of despair and burn out several times a year. Sorry for long post and hope this isn’t the wrong place.

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EverySporkIsSacred · 02/10/2023 19:28

I agree probably not ADHD unless you can remember traits from childhood/teen years, but have you looked at female traits of autism?
I could be wrong and I'm far from an expert but it can't hurt to look.

Corilee2806 · 02/10/2023 19:37

No not from teen and child years, even double checked with my mum in case I’d forgotten something! But knew it was unlikely as I remember sitting down and being very focused on my studies all the way through until university. I didn’t experience a lot of the things I describe until more recently. Haven’t really thought about autism - interesting. Will have a look.

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BertieBotts · 02/10/2023 21:06

It does sound similar to ADHD symptoms.

When you say none of this bothered you as a child - I have (diagnosed) ADHD and if I look back I can see signs in childhood, but they are more subtle.

For example I've always had a chatterbox brain/always had a song stuck in my head, this isn't something that had ever bothered me, it just seemed normal, but for example I remember being surprised, as a teenager, to realise that most people DON'T constantly have a song playing in their head and when they are annoyed by it, it's because apparently it's annoying to have a song stuck in your head at all (I always have one 24/7 and only get annoyed when it's an annoying song). I used to have a very vivid imagination and could daydream for days.

I don't remember ANY issues with focus and concentration, in fact I'm very envious of younger me and want to figure out how I can get that back, but I remember doing a quiz in a book/magazine once and one of the questions was something like:

When you have a task to do, when do you do it?
A: As soon as possible
B: (something in the middle)
C: I put it off for as long as humanly possible and probably won't even do it unless someone is standing over me threatening terrible consequences.

And I remember finding the third answer so hilariously descriptive of me that I immediately went to show my mum, who also laughed and agreed that it sounded like me.

I don't actually remember what on earth I could possibly have been putting off - but I remember a couple of arguments over homework and violin practice. And if I think back, my room was literally a pile of unfinished art projects and little paper creations. It was SO messy. And I would be reading usually about 2-4 books at once (I still read multiple books concurrently) which again I didn't realise was unusual.

I don't remember struggling with things like tooth brushing and showering, though I have as an adult. But - why would I have struggled with those things as a child? I didn't have to remember to do them myself. My parents would tell me when to brush my teeth and have a bath.

I wasn't particularly anxious about social situations, but I was definitely "the weird kid" that always said the wrong thing, wore the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, and nobody wanted to be friends with me because of it.

There weren't a lot of outward, obviously ADHD signs for me as a child, and certainly not problems - because I had a happy childhood, I loved learning and loved school, my parents were loving and supportive and accepting, and I basically didn't HAVE any adult responsibilities - which are the bits that I struggle with, the boring, responsible, drudgery bits of adulthood. The only real problem I had was socially because I struggled to fit in, but I had my little group of friends and again, my mum signed me up to an activity where I met more people, and so it was OK.

Pibolar · 02/10/2023 22:15

Some similarities with ADHD but not enough to go on. You say it’s a cycle…. Have you looked into bipolar, in a nutshell the symptoms are the same as ADHD but can come in cycles with moods thrown in. Also worth looking into autism.
Perhaps keeping a diary of moods/events/triggers/symptoms etc might help to understand whatever it is more.

Corilee2806 · 02/10/2023 23:07

Thanks all for the replies, a lot to think about here. Would never have considered autism but I know a lot more is being learned now about how it presents differently in women. I also know that there was bipolar in my family (back when these things weren’t discussed so little known about it) but I didn’t think I really had the highs.

@BertieBotts Can relate to a lot of what you say! I wasn’t a procrastinator at school and actually got stick for always doing my homework but it set in once I was at university and no one else was telling me what to do with my time - I crashed quite hard and almost failed a few semesters but pulled it back. Interestingly, I’ve never thought about why this is but I didn’t feel I fit in at all at secondary school, had a rough time and couldn’t wait to leave. But had a lovely time at primary. Then at uni and as an adult was when the drinking started maybe to cope and mask. Now I find social situations hard work but I can manage them fairly smoothly through practice!

a lot to unpack but don’t really know where to start. I don’t feel like a GP would take me very seriously as on the face of it I’m functioning, and probably just have too much stressful stuff going on. But I feel other people cope better.

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Corilee2806 · 02/10/2023 23:09

And on the song I can relate - my husband actually always seem to have a song in his head! But for me it’s more of a dialogue or chatter and it’s so hard to shut down, I try mindfulness but it’s not worked very well so far. I always leave projects and job applications, Xmas shopping etc to the last minute!

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BertieBotts · 03/10/2023 00:16

I loved primary school, I have basically only positive memories of it, loved nearly all of my teachers (there was a weird one who hated me! But she went off sick with stress so maybe it wasn't about me.) Honestly I don't even actually remember any homework stress, except that once I took my homework to my dad's, it was all vocabulary words that we had to use in a story and then remember the spellings, and my stepmum was amazing helping me think up a story. Again I just have that as a positive memory but I remember (someone) complaining that it had taken HOURS and that we wouldn't do it that way again. I wonder if maybe I had run out of time to do it before it was time to go to my dad's house? And that when it came to looking at secondary schools, my mum was quite anti the one that was where most of the pupils from my class went because it was more academically focused than the one on the council estate, near the new housing estate where we lived, and she thought that would mean loads of homework.

CheapHouse · 23/10/2023 16:18

What were the births of your children like? If they were traumatic that could explain some of your symptoms.

Have you tried counselling to explore and unpick this?

Corilee2806 · 23/10/2023 22:07

Not so much traumatic births themselves, although my first one was a 5 day induction which wasn’t fun! But high risk pregnancies due to small babies which I think had an impact on me, I did do some talking therapy at the time. I noticed a change more after the birth of my second child - I always say I never felt the same after that.

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