I am curious as to what triggered your suspicions about your child. My son is 8 and this is my trying to explain to his teacher what the issues are - but really they are worse as in he is aggressive. Friends just been round, super close since birth as mum and I are friends but my son still won't share things with him etc and it causes massive issues at home and escalated into chaos.
Anyway I've sent his teacher this message and am just curious as to whether you think this describes autism or ADHD.
'I wonder if I might ask your opinion. I know you're not a medical expert but I am thinking of trying to initiate an ASD/ADHD assessment for my child.
I know it might come as a shock as we've never hinted at it before but it is something I have suspected for a long time and to me, feels increasingly likely the older he gets. I see his friends and peers overtaking him in terms of behavioural expectations and ability to process social situations etc and he appears unwilling or unable to deal with social situations and is increasingly anxious in public and combative at home or when he finds situations difficult.
He's perfectly happy in his own company and has never really made friends easily but now struggles to maintain friendships he does have as he's unable or unwilling to compromise, he wants to be in control and refuses to share - as an example
He will happily share other children's things but is incredibly stubborn and aggressive when it comes to his own. We have tried and tried and encouraged and parented, explained why you should share and about fairness and being kind etc but he acts utterly compelled to retain and protect his own belongings to the point where he will wake us up at night time to ask where something is or to check his back in the garage etc etc.
He will take things to bed with him and wake up the morning carrying it.
He's biting his nails terribly to the point that we have bought him some different fidgets including a chewing necklace that is supposed to help him stop as he makes his fingers sore through biting and picking. He was super anxious the day/evening before his first day back although he seems fine now they are back.
We battle over the simplest of tasks like getting him dressed or brushing his teeth, I've tried timers and visual aids, apps and tag prompters. Once a routine is well established he is absolutely fine which is why he will read and do his times tables without much complaint, but as you know he will not undertake new things without a huge amount of encouragement so working on anything independently is practically impossible and also trying new things takes much encouragement and sometimes downright bribery.
His dad is reluctant to face up to it and doesn't want to have him labelled but I think it would help us to understand him and help us to parent him properly as I find it difficult to understand/explain or defend some or the behaviours which make socialising with other parents/friends difficult.
I think we probably could then from there do some parenting classes which will help us to understand him and help eachother to be better parents as before now we have always put it down to naughtiness and I honestly have wondered for years that there might be more to it and the older he gets and more is expected of him socially, I really do think it's becoming more obvious.
I am just curious as to what your thoughts are, whether you have ever noticed any of his lack of social skills or curiosities, really'