ASD BPD and chip on shoulder (a ranty post)

[SummerDawn2000]

I thought I’d post on here as I’m not strong enough for the AIBU forum. As I know I’m being unreasonable.

im 29 and have never been responsible for anything, not really. I’ve been supported and propped up by benefits ESA, PIP and housing benefit.

indulged, protected and guided by my parents

haven’t worked for nearly two years and can only work 14 hrs a week.

I have 2 degrees, BA and MA.

so adult child. I’ve met a wonderful man, he works over 40 hours a week in a manual job.

his DC also has autism but it affects him differently (son has a full time technical job and is under going an apprenticeship)

his ex partner is a wonderful woman. Went to uni at 18, had her first DC at 26 and just all round independent woman. They were to get for 20 years. She’s a fantastic mum and teacher.

I compare myself a lot to her. Sometimes lol at her social media. In meltdowns I’ve said abusive things about her. Which is wrong and disgusting. In arguments dp has said ‘what are you for?!

hurts but he is right. I’m slowly applying for TA jobs in primary schools as working in colleges and secondary schools is too much for me.

I worry about being liked etc.

I have possible PCOs and DP doesn’t want to have a dc with me as due to his age and his two Dc. Then he says if it happens it’s happens but you can’t plan a child like that.

Im jealous his ex p got pregnant in a month at 26. I’m 29 and have no children.

this is a deeply self pitying and self absorbed post. I don’t hate his ex partner. She’s done a fantastic job with their DC and by the sounds of it is a genuinely strong woman.

You’re being too hard on yourself. You’ve been protected and given benefits because you needed them and yet you speak so accusingly towards yourself. Where has that voice in your head come from?

Are you sure you have bpd? I have a bpd mother and I had many of those traits until I was about 36. That was when I broke up with my exH and began to work on myself and grow up. I was propped up by my parents, him (although he was quite abusive) and until last month, benefits. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

If you think you do have bpd then you’ll be aware of the behaviours and you can learn to control them. You’ve done very well academically so build on what you’ve already achieved. You’re still very young.

@BaroldandNedmund thank you. I am sharp with myself but a lot of the ‘judgement’ is imagined Most people are living their lives and are too busy to Isherwood or comment on me. There are courses in child learning and development I’m looking into at an adult education centre which is exciting.

Good luck! You might just find that you mature a bit later in life and then even ‘overtake’ other people in certain areas.

@BaroldandNedmund thank you x I hope things get better and better for you too