ADHD/ASC or neither?

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

Ok so I’m not sure if I’m ASD/ADHD or other.

As a child only had a few close friends but was popular and invited friends round. Sometimes if friends came round I preferred to go off to read a book alone. My DB had a severe illness which meant I got far less attention than him on a regular basis and parents divorced at 5 and had a violent sarcastic stepfather from around same time. I wore glasses up to age 12 and was teased a lot at primary school for wearing them which made me more shy.

At 11 I recall worrying about my heartbeat at night and thinking it was too fast and telling parents.,At 12 I was overwhelmed by starting secondary school and suffered a mini breakdown with lots of crying, insomnia etc. Then every 2-3 years I had 2-3 week episodes of similar coupled with insomnia, mood swings, not eating. Looking back I think this was a desperate ploy for DM’s attention as DB was still chronically ill and in hospital a lot. I was ridiculously clever at school but attended a rough school where I was also bullied and then for 3.5 years went to a private school. Was a bit of an overthinker but not so much as it affected me. At approx 15 DM made connection my mood swings etc were around time before periods and was put on pill as this was the only medication available then as well as evening primrose oil. I believe I had PMDD but doctors couldn’t or wouldn’t help. Later in my mid to late 30s I was diagnosed with quite a severe underactive thyroid. Now at 51!and on HRT and when periods stopped I finally feel normal as zero to no mood swings!

From mid 20s I developed light sensitivity and noise sensitivity at night but not earlier at all. This gif much better as I got older. Was quite over sensitive. I’ve held down jobs and retrained. Have had relationships, long ones. Engaged twice.

I’ve always been cluttered and tend to hoard but only in certain rooms in my house. Living room and kitchen and bedroom generally fine. Am generally very organised and like order. Was told I was accurate to a T by a previous coworker/boss.

I’m never sure whether how I feel now is down to trauma in childhood or is ASD/ADHD. Have done online tests and all say no.

I do wish I could switch off, used to yoga which helped a lot. I guess I sometimes think why am I me, why can’t I be different? Parents as far as I know have no traits but unsure about dad as didn’t really know him.

Sorry this is so long! Thanks for reading.

Could it be PTSD?

If you've done online tests and they are negative it seems to suggest you aren't ADHD/ASD. Unless you really feel that you are? Do you remember having symptoms associated with ADHD as a child?

Certainly doesn't sound like ADHD. Why don't you believe the online tests?

Sounds like you had a difficult childhood so might be worth exploring that with a good psychodynamic therapist.

Maybe it is PTSD. There was very little support from DM’s side of the family and DF’s when they divorced none from there either. Good family friends though.

I always seem to recall being on the go as a child (not me, DM took us out and away a lot) which was good. I didn’t feel arty though which family were but I had a good happy childhood apart from stepdad. He now naturally denies any wrongdoing so I only see him if I visit/stay and he’s got much better with age. DM didn’t believe me when I raised this with her a few years ago about him but has told me recently when I’ve been around (he has a recent allotment become available so spends a lot of time there). that yes he is difficult sarcastic and nasty sometimes. But when we were DC we were told especially by nana how lucky we were to have him, he was a brick for taking us on. She didn’t know the half of his downsides. Typical 70s childhood. And DM on third marriage and didn’t want to break that up.

Sorry yes no ADHD symptoms as a child. More so if anything in 20s. But not extreme.

I do believe the online tests but went on a few dates last year with someone who’d been diagnosed with ADHD/ASC and was doing all the homework you need to do on it.

I still feel I suppose trauma from it. DB through being very very sick as a child, leaving home at 15 and having had a colourful relationship history (now married with baby 2 on the way) seems far more emotionally mature than me.

I’ve had therapy in my early 20s and teens (latter was someone who just listened…. I found that frustrating. I basically had to have teenage therapy from some of the issues I’d had in my teens.

I’m going to look into PTSD and psychodynamic therapy though so thanks both.

I would also look into IFS if you feel like parts of you are still stuck in younger phases.

I have C-PTSD (different from PTSD as in it is complex PTSD) due to childhood trauma. I was recommended (by a psychatrist) psychotherapy, EMDR and DBT as treatment. I have only received one of these treatments to date (privately) and it is likely I will not receive the other two via the NHS though this is to be confirmed.

I suspected I might have ADHD/Autism. I have had a screening test with a mental health nurse and it came back borderline for moving forward with an assessment (which would take up to 3 years to happen on the NHS). The second half of the assessment however, suggested there was not enough evidence of this so I think we have more or less dropped it. It looks like the initial diagnosis of C-PTSD was the correct diagnosis in my case and I will try the other recommended therapies. Quite often the symptoms of C-PTSD can mimic ND conditions and I was convinced there was something else at play.

No-one can make a diagnosis on-line. I just wanted to say that sometimes these symptoms can overlap as PTSD has been mentioned. It feels very confusing and takes quite a bit of unpicking.

I reckon autism and stressful childhood due to mainly being undiagnosed so no chance of any reasonable adjustments being made for you .... this can cause CPTSD in itself, let alone anything else you've had to cope with through life.
I'm not a diagnostician, just another late diagnosed autistic woman with CPTSD.