Thoughts on homeschooling from ND MNers?

[Scratchybaby]

Just wondered if I could ask for thoughts on the benefits (or otherwise) of homeschooling for autistic DC. I'm weighing up the possibility for my autistic DS as he's about to start reception. He's clearly smart and will engage with at least some teaching on a 1:1 basis, but in nursery for example he didn't take part in any preschool group learning activities as he couldn't (didn't want to?) engage with the set up and just wandered off, was only just beginning to take any interest (or tolerate?) his peers, and with school on the horizon I'm wondering if it's even worth the effort it's going to take to fight the LA for the support he's going to need in school. DS has a language delay, plus is so young, so I'm probably a long way off from having a conversation with him about all this.

So in your opinion/experience, might it be better to go with the grain than against it and look at homeschooling options? I've only read accounts from autistic adults who say school for them was hell on earth - did anyone actually enjoy it?

I'm well aware that every autistic person is different, and I shouldn't apply broad, sweeping generalisations to an individual. But at the same time there seems to be an overwhelming view that school is difficult or even traumatising for autistic children because of the very nature of the learning environment. For now, DS seems able to tune out from group activities when he needs to at nursery, and seems happy there, but school will be a very different thing. He learns on his own terms right now and is utterly self-directed, but he's definitely learning, and he has a wonderful confidence in himself that I don't want school to crush, and being so self-directed can be a valuable asset as an adult.

Was school worth the struggle for anyone? Did anyone feel the struggle with school routines and classmates actually gave you any tools for adulthood that you wouldn't have had otherwise?

Ds13 was homeschooled until year 5 (I had to go back to work) and ds7 has been in school since reception. Ds13 thrived with homeschool - he’s got ASD, mild spastic diplegia and epilepsy (which at the time wasn’t too well managed). He thrived, he had a speech delay when he was younger (you wouldn’t believe it with his vocabulary now) and quite bad sensory issues. If it was too loud he’d have violent meltdowns and self harm. Homeschooling was great, we could cut out things like PE (he can’t run) and he could focus on his special interests instead of class topics like the titanic and slavery (ds has anxiety and is very sensitive so struggled with these topics in year 5). He actually got ahead to an end of year 7 standard in maths and science because he picked things up really quickly and I was teaching 1-1. He was slightly behind in spelling but his reading comprehension was also higher than that of a 9 year old. We made sure to socialise him (home schooling groups - about half of the kids in ours had SEN so ds didn’t feel weird). We did also try cubs but he didn’t really cope so we pulled him out. One of my biggest regrets was sending him to school in year 5 - he was bullied and socially isolated. He’s also very good at maths and found himself bored, even though he was on their ‘gifted register’ - he also fell further behind in spelling as
he wasn’t getting the support I have him. When I mentioned I thought he was dyslexic I was dismissed as he’s a good reader (Im also dyslexic and I wouldn’t survive without spellcheck but love reading). He was bedwetting constantly and having panic attacks throughout year 5. We got an ehcp outlining his needs and year 6 was better but the bullying and exclusion was relentless. I’m glad he’s at school for secondary though. He’s amazing at maths, science, computing and history. I wouldn’t be able to stretch him anymore. However is mental health is not great and even with his ehcp he struggles to cope (phobia of dying leading him to barely sleep, severely underweight due to food restriction, germ phobia). We are currently considering moving him to an ASD school. I would 100% recommend homeschooling primary though.

With me, Id have probably been happier being homeschooled. The bullying I experienced was traumatic and I was very bright but a school refuser so didn’t achieve as well as I could have. I struggled with the sensory environment as well and was sexually assaulted by one of my peers (frankly very rare). This is just my experience though, however I think school is rough for an ASD child in general. Sorry for being so somber.

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it (both of you!). And no need to apologise about being somber, I genuinely want to know what's going to be the best path for him to not only learn and prepare for adulthood, but also maintain his mental health. He's young so obviously hasn't dealt with much adversity yet (he's oblivious to the idea of fitting in with his peers at nursery, and we try to accommodate his needs at home as best we know how), but he's got an amazing level of self confidence and is finding his own routes to learning on his own terms. I want to preserve this at all costs.

I came across something online about strengths based approaches to supporting autistic children - start with what they love, what they're good at, special interests, and help them to develop the skills they need through those routes - and I can see that happening at home over the school holidays, before my eyes. His speech, for example, comes on in the most noticeable leaps when he's doing something he loves. I'm afraid that, despite the school's best intentions, they're never realistically going to manage that. He's probably not going to get to full time hours before xmas with the plan the school have laid out, and I've got an uphill battle ahead to get an EHCP as we've already been rejected once. I'm really wondering what I'm even fighting for, if the end result is that he'll be unhappy anyway?? I guess it's only worth it if there's something worthwhile that school can provide that I can't replicate via any other route.

Honestly, thanks for your views and I'm happy to hear any other perspectives, including those of the opposite opinion. While my DS is so young and not able to articulate some of the things he's going through I'm doing a lot of guesswork as to what's best. While homeschooling would be a logistical and financial nightmare for us, it would be indescribably worse if school robbed him of his wonderful self confidence.

I know exactly how you feel OP. After ds’s autism diagnosis at 4, dh and I decided to take the financial hit for me to give up work. Luckily dh earns more than me but at the time his salary was lower. It’s such a tough decision. The fight to get an EHCP for a bright child is astronomical! For some reason people seem to forget SEN has other impacts on people, not just academically! At the end of the day you know what’s right for your ds!

Personally, if school is inappropriate, I would look to pursue EOTAS rather than EHE, but yes, you may need to appeal, potentially more than once. A comprehensive EOTAS package can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund via EHE.

Thanks for pointing out this distinction - I haven't done a lot of research into this yet beyond googling "funding for home schooling" so this gives me a lead.

I really, really really don't want to have to give up work, for financial reasons and for my own sanity, so even if this swallowed up much of my salary to pay for a tutor to help with the task I'd be up for that as a possibility. It might even be more reliable than school - I'm already in the sh** work-wise because DS will be on such a reduced timetable, maybe this is just what I have ahead of me unless I come up with our own solutions because if he's miserable at school there will always be issues with attendance. I don't really have a year to waste fighting with the LA to get appropriate support in place if I want to keep the job I'm currently in (which I do), and even more importantly I don't want DS having to be miserable and unsupported while the LA drag their heels.

By EHE’ing, you relieve the LA of their duties. In a minority of cases, a minority of LAs will agree a personal budget for EHE’ing, but that isn’t guaranteed and most of the time it isn’t anywhere near as much as EOTAS can be.

With EOTAS, the LA retain responsibility and the LA cannot compel parents to organise, deliver or facilitate the provision. Whereas with EHE’ing the LA don’t other than any provision funded via a personal budget.

Why will DS be on a reduced timetable? When is he 5? You can choose to send DS part-time until the term after he is 5, but if you want DS to attend full time, he can. The school cannot lawfully insist on a part-time timetable unless they formally exclude, otherwise it is an unlawful, informal exclusion. Once DS is CSA if he can’t attend full-time, the LA has a statutory duty under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 to ensure DS receives a suitable full-time education. This is separate from the EHCP process and quicker, although the provision is not as comprehensive.

I would have much preferred home schooling. That said, entering a schooling environment after would also be quite hard. Maybe check with other parents who homeschool too.?

I pulled my daughter out in Year 1. She thrived in YR where it was free flow but the second she had structure and a small, busy classroom, she couldn't cope. It was honestly the best thing I have ever done, even if it did mean that I had to give up my career at the time. I have since found work around this and lots of home ed parents work. Also remember that you are entitled to DLA which is awarded on increased needs, not diagnosis and then Careers allowance.
It is incredibly hard to get a EOTAS package so if you decide to do this, you need to be prepared for a fight. The LA do not have to give you support if you decide to home ed but a huge percentage of both children and parents in the home ed community are ND and they really support each other. A lot of these parents home ed because they won't put their children into a system that failed them. You definitely won't be alone in your journey.

It is more than possible to secure EOTAS, yes it may take an appeal, but that shouldn’t stop parents pursuing it. Support from the home ed community is brilliant, but a good EOTAS package can provide so much more. A supportive home ed community can’t fund the specialist support an EOTAS package can. Unless parents are rich a comprehensive EOTAS package can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund EHEing.

I completely agree that every child should be able to access a suitable education and the LA should take part in this but suggesting that an EOTAS package is more than possible when very, very few children get them isn't realistic. I genuinely think all parents should have the option of money towards an education out of school but this isn't ever going to happen. The OP is talking about a child that has been at preschool and is just starting year R. You are never going to prove that school isnt suitable in this situation. She is also asking for benefits (or otherwise) of home educating so this is something that she is open to. The school system is not set up for ND children. It can do a lot of damage. There are a lot of benefits to home education.

Posting it is more than possible to secure EOTAS is realistic. Yes, you may have to appeal, but it isn’t rare and is becoming more common. I support parents day in, day out with this, including on MN. And I have a DS with a comprehensive EOTAS package well beyond what we could fund or what support from the home ed community could achieve.

It is incorrect to state you can’t prove receiving the required SEP in a school setting is inappropriate without a child have attending reception. I have done this three this year alone, once where the child hasn’t even attended nursery.

OP asked for thoughts on home educating, benefits or otherwise. It has benefits, but there are other options which people often don’t realise hence my posts.

Thanks @Junobug that's more food for thought. It does feel like a growing number of ND families are simply opting out of the education system as it serves them so badly. I've seen more than one parent dreaming about setting up their own school for autistic children, if they only had the resources.

I guess I was just wondering if there were any ND MNers on here who might buck the trend and say "no, actually I'm glad I went to school and I'm not scarred for life by it". Maybe that just isn't an autistic experience of mainstream school and that's why I never hear it, meaning that tells me what I need to know. Although I know a majority of MNers are women, and autistic girls and autistic boys can have quite different experiences. Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree and need to find a different forum to ask these questions.

I think there's still a chance DS will enjoy Reception as it's so play based, and he seemed to really enjoy nursery. But after that I guess I'll have to keep a close eye on him and be ready to take the plunge. And start saving as much £££ as possible while I can for if or when it does happen.

Some thoughts ...

For some children (some!), I think that part time attendance at school plus part time EOTAS / alternative provision/ home education can be a really good combination.

I think this can particularly be the case where a child has a kind of instinctive drive to mask or camouflage. (Masking is quite a multi dimensional phenomenon and so it's a bit simplistic for me to say that some autistics have an instinct to mask and some don't, it's more complex than that, but nevertheless it's a useful shorthand here.)

In this case, where a child seems predisposed to masking, if they want (again, tricky description!) to take part in the school experience but are only able to maintain half a day, then you could try balancing this with half a day in solitary play/decompression/highly physical activities/ therapeutic input/1:1 work with a tutor based around special interests.

Thanks @liightfantastic this is exactly the sort of combo I'm envisaging might happen in the future. DS is so young that I'm pretty sure I'm years away from being able to have a conversation with him to ask him what HE thinks would be best for him and being able to help inform the decision, so I'm trying to find any clues from autistic adults who've been there and done it and have any useful advice. Thank you!

I loved school myself because of the very clear structure and rules that everyone was expected to follow and mostly did. But that was a private girls' school.

My children, not so much. I am home educating DD1 and feel as though I will have to do the same with DS. So I guess it goes to show if you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism 🙂

@ISaySteadyOn exactly. I know no one person can tell me how my DS specifically is going to take to school, but the more views and experiences I have to think about, hopefully the better I can understand where he'll be coming from when we get to the point of making that decision.

I loved school too and was quite the unabashed little swot in primary especially. But because I enjoyed it and did well according to the way school measured "good" it gave me confidence in my abilities that has stayed with me. Whatever route we go down, I want it to be one that gives DS that sort of core of confidence in his own abilities so that when he does experience knock backs, he has the self belief to bounce back and know his own value.