Please can someone tell me about their teen years. Struggling with dd17

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

She’s lovely but won’t go to school. Relies on me for a lot. Quite friendly but in burnout. Wants to be a fashion journalist. But this is about communication? And she doesn’t like to talk to strange people.

She got great GCSE but couldn’t cope with the change to A level and wouldn’t go. She had the ability but not the emotional stability. Friends overwhelmed and she dropped out. She’s ckever though.

I’m just concerned she’ll never come out of her bedroom again.

I am so sorry that your DD is struggling with going to school. I have some experience with this, both from my own perspective and that of my neurodiverse daughters. First of all, my teenage years were the hardest of all, and life got easier when I got older. I am autistic and I find a lot of social interactions completely baffling, in my teens I didn't understand the obsessions of my friends with boys and clothes and gossip and was really isolated. What helped me was that I felt my home was a safe place that I could withdraw to. This is what it seems your DD is doing. I think it's important to reassure her that there is nothing wrong with her and that she is safe and loved. It may be obvious that that's the case but I needed to hear it when I was in her situation. My eldest DD also struggled with going to school in sixth form and I worked a lot with her, talked to the school constantly, and basically held her hand throughout the process so that she could finish the course. She is now at uni and although it's still a struggle she is doing so much better. My middle DD did well in sixth form because she had found the right school and course and it allowed her to thrive. I don't know your situation but have you talked to the school about accommodating her needs or looked into alternatives? If none are available can she maybe do a course online? A friend of my DD (not diagnosed but likely autistic) is doing that as she could not cope with going to school and she is now gradually re-emerging from her shell. It's really tough and I am so sorry you and your DD have to go through this. Life is really tough for autistic girls and women.

My thoughts would be to encourage her to start an online journalism course. Let her immerse herself in her interests and get her sending work to different publications. Play to her strengths.

Also, let her have a ton of space. She may be experiencing a form of autistic burnout and just need time to recouperate. School was shite for so many of us and it takes its toll.

Sending good wishes your way xx

Thank you ladies.

Shes under no pressure. She knows she’s loved and safe. We trying to get an EHCP. But it’s almost impossible.

It’s the cost of online courses that’s the problem. She’s bored but definitely still in burnout.

l will suggest sending work to places. That’s an excellent idea.