How are you diagnosed if you have become an adult master of masking?

[Sillymummies123]

As the thread says - I'm starting my own journey into seeking a diagnosis for autism after my son was diagnosed and I realised I have many traits.

My AQ10 was only 5, but my CAT-Q was 144, so mixed, and it led me to ask - how do people diagnosed someone who has the skills and experience to have become seriously adept at pretending to be neurotypical? My social life is generally good, apart from being exhausting and eventually attracting "wtf" gazes when my mask slips. (Off topic- I'm just now realising how sad and hard this is, and why I generally avoid socialising and flake on plans because I'm scared I won't be able to keep it up and people will regret socialising with me)

Many thansk

Currently asking myself the same question. If I had been tested at 11 or 21 I'm sure I would have passed the threshold. Today, I mitigate social anxiety and other problems with lifestyle choices - for example I gave up a draining career (well two careers actually plus lots of little part time jobs🤦‍♀️), I keep social interactions to a level I enjoy, I have had therapy for lots of this and to help me break free to some extent from my fixed STEM like thinking patterns. My DS and I are very similar (though his differences are definitely more pronounced than mine were but he seems more resilient; I found school distressing at his age, very unhappy memories).

A number of years ago I took an online test and came up borderline. I think if I went for a diagnosis I would not pass the threshold. It does seem odd though as I imagine many adults like me have adapted through life. But maybe I'm misunderstanding as we're told born autistic, always autistic. So maybe I'm just odd but in a NT odd way rather than ASD odd. Oh dear, I hope I've made sense!

I'm an absolute PRO! Quite literally! I went to Bristol old vic drama school.

I mask heavily and can improvise unexpected situations quite effortlessly.

I passed my ADHD assessment with flying colours :)

😂does pass in this context mean "was diagnosed" or "was not diagnosed"?

I was convinced I put myself into an autistic box and seen to many YouTube videos as I mask very well, speak fluently, hold down a job have a family etc.

I had an assessment with the NHS earlier this year, was very honest and said I’m not sure if I’m just going down a YouTube rabbit hole with all this etc. They know what they are looking for, apparently my gestures are slightly off (indicating that I force myself to do this rather than naturally do this) my pitch is slightly off (again forced) and I make just enough eye contact for the other person not to notice how uncomfortable it makes me feel. Alongside old school reports and lived experiences I was diagnosed with autism without issue.

So basically they will know your masking.

Passed LOL I scored 9/9 for inattentive & 9/9 for hyperactivity & impulsivity 🤭

I had no idea I was on the severe end of the scale either 🙈

Really showing my inattentive side lol I was diagnosed 🙈

Have you ever considered an ADHD assessment too? I ask as I thought I was Audhd, my psychiatrist said no to asd as I can do XYZ, my friend who presents and has the same struggles as yourself was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and is currently awaiting ASC assessment x

This screening test gives an indication of how much masking you may be doing:

embrace-autism.com/cat-q/

I scored super high. I was also shocked to see that NT women mask the least. I thought all women masked a lot. Turns out that was just me.

I did the CAT-Q actually, as I never score "autistic" on the AQ10. I got 150 on the CAT-Q, and I answered as honestly as I could. That actually spawned this thread!

Thank you so much for all of your answers. Thinking you're autistic, having no diagnosis or conformation, off the back of being a "weirdo" your whole life and self-centered is confusing. This has given me a little more confidence in pursuing a diagnosis

Well, there are a number of ways it's done - for example, there's the frog book, which is a test of things that autistic people are generally very poor at (it's usually for children, but also useful to a certain extent with adults). Basically, it's a book with only pictures and no words - it's a story about a bunch of frogs that suddenly starts flying and goes over a nearby village. The test is that you're asked to narrate the book.

NT people will make up a story, give the characters names and arcs etc, whereas autistic people will describe the pictures and what's in them (often focusing on specific details).

Abilities like that don't readily lend themselves to masking because there's no interaction to camouflage yourself in - either you tell a cohesive story, or you can't.

I got my diagnosis this year. The psychologist used a combination of assessment tools including one called MIGDAS which allows for the fact we are adults who have - albeit painfully - learned how to present ourselves ‘acceptably’ to others, so the questions focus a lot more on subjective lived experiences. There is some observation as well, and I found it quite startling to have it pointed out that I am actually quite ‘flat’ expression and tone of voice-wise. I’ve had years of being told I have a ‘nice soothing voice’ 😳

Thank you everyone. This is very interesting. I've been called dry and sarcastic, and really struggle not to sound as such. It made giving feedback as a teacher quite difficult as students often felt humiliated and berated 🤣🤣

Similarly, even when I thought I was putting on the appropriate facial expressions (and I'm pretty good at masking when I need to), I've later been told I've got a flat affect that makes me quite intimidating to talk to.

I find that hilarious, since I'm generally just hanging on for dear life, terrified that I'm going to get something wrong.

I’m diagnosed ADHD and DS is in the waiting process for ADHD and ASD assessment (close to the end thankfully!)

I think I may have ASD which is partly masked by the ADHD and partly by the fact that I am bloody good at masking. Might be helpful OP, but I’ve made a list of the things that I do that might be symptomatic e.g.

• If meeting someone socially 1-1 (lunch, drinks), I make a list of things to talk to them about so I feel less anxious and also so I don’t go off on one about something I’m obsessed with. This is true even of close friends I’ve had since childhood. Without preparation I’m really “bad” at two-way conversation.
• Studying others and taking on their traits, studying pop culture (I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of celebrity, film and TV news - super useful for “idle chat”) - to ensure I’m able to fit in.
• Not being good at small talk - I either prepare it (I have stock phrases) or I go really deep, really quickly. It’s is amazing though how many people respond well to that - people are starved for real talk.
• Constantly monitor my body language, eye contact and facial expression - I’m never in “neutral” mode. I even do this with DS (and subsequently noticed he also doesn’t love eye contact)
• A good friend taught me (literally) how to hug when I was 21. I didn’t know how.
• I have good friends and enjoy their company but they have all had to “get used” to me - many of my friendships started with me as the outsider until they “got” me - and every one of them will admit I can be a bit stilted and awkward if I’m not “on”

Hopefully this helps in thinking about how you approach things rather than what they look like on the surface?

I am a very obvious ADHDer and a much more subtle autistic (PDA profile, which has some differences, plus ADHD 'hides' some of my autistic traits, plus masking). I didn't worry about or try to change my behaviour at my assessment - I was just myself, there would undoubtedly have been some masking, as it is just part of who I am these days. An experienced professional will be ready for masking, especially in women, and will understand what to look for. I think we just have to trust in the process.

I think it’s so sad that you have to mask (or think you do) in order to keep friends. It must be very tiring for you and also really boring to not being able to talk about your interests and be yourself. You need some more interesting friends!

I've been awake half the night thinking the same thing. OH at work has suggested I get an assessment (I brought up the possibility so it wasn't out of the blue) but I've managed to get past 50 without anyone querying it before.

Going to the GP today (hopefully). Wish me luck.