Pip tribunal has broken me, even though I won

[Mummiepig]

I had to go to court last week
It was horrendous
The judge, doctor and even dwp man were nice, but the disability expert was just awful
After over an hour of grilling, questioning, bearing my soul and most embarrassing experiences and faillings, crying and shaking
I was awarded,
But I can't get over it
I'm crying all the time, I have flashbacks, I'm paranoid this woman will hunt me down and say I was lying
I'm paranoid, looking over my shoulder
I don't want to leave the house, or speak to anyone
I wake up in the night with palpitations and sweating
The doctor gave me propranolol, but it's not helping
I'm so scared, I feel like a fraud, I wish I never went, I didn't lie, but I'm so scared if anyone finds out I get pip they will report me for benefit fraud, because I hide my private struggles
How can I stop crying, how can I forget
Maybe I should just tell them I don't want the money anymore
I feel broken
Then I think about how I'll have to do it all again in 4 years time
I'm a mess

It sounds horrendous. Would it help to tell a charity about your experience? There must be some that campaign for more humane processes. Feeling like you’ve done something to help change things might make you feel better.

Can other Mumsnetters suggest charities?

I really dont know
The first thing the DWP man said was "I see a very strong case for award"
So why the hell we all had to be there and go through it all I have no idea
It seems immoral to put someone through the trauma I had to go through

It sounds like they were box ticking. Bureaucracy at its worst.

@Mummiepig - your post made me sad, and so angry 😡It sounds as though you were treated horrifically, with zero consideration about the impact on you.

Some of the things you are describing sound like PTSD and this needs to be recorded on your medical records so that the horrendous impact from the tribunal is there for future claims.

You deserve the award, it is rightfully yours based on your circumstances. You don't have to share the details of your award with anyone, so you can put aside the worry about someone reporting you. You are not a 'benefit fraudster', you have disabilities/health problems that prevent or make daily living very challenging. The judge saw this, the DWP person saw it and the doctor saw it.

When the PIP comes up for renewal, you can write, if applicable, no change to circumstances. Keep your PIP report safe so you can refer to it for future renewals.

When you are feeling a bit more settled, this link may be a useful source of information: fightback4justice.co.uk

Please see your GP about potential PTSD.

You are courageous and resilient. Well done for persevering and winning!🌻