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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Buried feelings

2 replies

Treelines · 16/07/2023 17:28

I was diagnosed autistic a couple of years ago, and beforehand I don’t think anyone would have guessed. As a teenager I was just seen as a bit dramatic, sensitive and weird. As an adult, I’ve made friends, and built a life which suits me. I now spend a lot of time supporting my autistic daughters.

As a teen / young woman - similarly to a lot of other autistic people apparently - I had a slew of ‘friends’ just stop talking to me and I had no idea why. It was very upsetting - upset me for years actually. And then, when I was trying to describe to my mum how I needed support from her when depressed (age 24 or so), she felt criticised, became defensive, and said that although she loved me, she didn’t like me.

I thought all of this stuff was behind me. And then this morning - with the smallest of triggers - it all comes back - the rejection, insecurity, bewilderment… and I cried for an hour. HOW? How did I have no idea that these events are still so hurtful to me, that I become absolutely blindsided? What mechanism is at play here? I think I may be alexithymic to some degree. But I feel that I can be quite in touch with my emotions? Maybe not…?

Does this resonate with anyone? Thank goodness for my husband who really does understand me and knows of my history, and he was able to sit with me through it. Any solidarity / answers much appreciated fellow neurodivergent people.

OP posts:
Clarice99 · 17/07/2023 13:58

Those events in your life were traumatic, and trauma memories have a habit of re-emerging at unexpected times.

I often minimise my feelings or don't even recognise them, with my inner voice telling me to carry on and remain resilient, when it would be far healthier to recognise and accept hurt, disappointment, rejection etc at the time and allow myself to 'FEEL' the pain. Perhaps you are doing this?

Have you read about RSD? Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: Causes and Treatment (webmd.com)

What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

ADHD can make some people overly emotional and sensitive to criticism. Find out how doctors treat this condition, called rejection sensitive dysphoria.

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

Mpb011 · 26/07/2023 17:21

Yes it resonates with me. I think we can have a tendency to underplay the seriousness of those feelings of rejection and perhaps bottle them up to only have them come out and shock us when we are older. Does that make sense?

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