I was diagnosed autistic a couple of years ago, and beforehand I don’t think anyone would have guessed. As a teenager I was just seen as a bit dramatic, sensitive and weird. As an adult, I’ve made friends, and built a life which suits me. I now spend a lot of time supporting my autistic daughters.
As a teen / young woman - similarly to a lot of other autistic people apparently - I had a slew of ‘friends’ just stop talking to me and I had no idea why. It was very upsetting - upset me for years actually. And then, when I was trying to describe to my mum how I needed support from her when depressed (age 24 or so), she felt criticised, became defensive, and said that although she loved me, she didn’t like me.
I thought all of this stuff was behind me. And then this morning - with the smallest of triggers - it all comes back - the rejection, insecurity, bewilderment… and I cried for an hour. HOW? How did I have no idea that these events are still so hurtful to me, that I become absolutely blindsided? What mechanism is at play here? I think I may be alexithymic to some degree. But I feel that I can be quite in touch with my emotions? Maybe not…?
Does this resonate with anyone? Thank goodness for my husband who really does understand me and knows of my history, and he was able to sit with me through it. Any solidarity / answers much appreciated fellow neurodivergent people.