Hi, I'm currently undiagnosed but am pretty sure I have ADHD and the more I'm reading into autism the more I relate to - just reading through this board and there's so many posts I could have written myself!
I've always been prone to meltdowns. I've managed to contain myself more the older I've got (am 45 now) but sometimes I just can't stop it and it is highly embarrassing before, during and especially after.
Recently, and I have no idea how - I've actually managed to get a promotion at work, and for the last two weeks I've been on a training course for the new role.
It has been very stressful as I've been completely out of my comfort zone, and have also been trying to make an effort just to get through it like a normal person would and try and blend in with the others - I don't think I did very well as the report I got at the end described me as "argumentative and not listening" - although I honestly didn't argue anything, I DID ask questions to clarify things I wasn't sure on more than once and if I was told something different to what was in the online learning or to what I may have been told be other trainers I would question this and try to be clear, but not argue about it. I also listened, and don't understand why they think I wasn't as I got a high score in the test at the end of the course and if they were to question me on anything covered I could answer!
But I am rambling and getting away from the point. On the last day of the training course there was a practical exercise - it wasn't something I've had chance to do in practice on the job, and I very quickly started feeling completely overwhelmed - and I'm ashamed to admit I lost it and just ran out of the room. Then I went back and tried again and it was even worse and I completely broke down, ran out of the room again and just hid and sobbed. And now I feel like a complete twat.
The trainers were not impressed. One of them shouted at me and called me unprofessional, and totally had a point. The other one was a bit nicer when I tried to explain what I thought was going on.
I don't know what I can do to make this right.
I am very lucky and haven't lost the job - I stayed after, wrote down all my thoughts and then organised what I had into a semblance of a plan to show the trainer (the nicer one) for when I'm back at work - I have a week off before I start the new job.
I came home and rang my GP to book an appointment to get the diagnostic procedure in process. I can't afford to go private so am under no illusions anything will happen any time soon. But it's booked now and I am making a list of everything ready.
Can I do anything else to try and make this right? The new job will be with the team I currently work with but in a different role. My line manager has changed but I have a good relationship with both my old one and my new one - they believe I can do the new job but now I'm not sure if I can after today! My line manager will be getting a report from the training course. I'm thinking of going in and speaking to them - do you think that would help or make it worse?
And - to help me out, as my confidence is totally rocked now - I am also considering volunteering to go in and do some overtime just to remind myself I can still at least do my last job! And maybe see if I can sit with someone doing the new job for a bit.
My husband thinks I am mad and should enjoy my time off, but I don't think I can until I've tried to make this better somehow!
Can I make this right, or would I be making it worse?