I'm looking for advice and support on how i either help or alternatively (and probably more realistically) learn to cope with living with DS 18 who has ADHD and dyslexia. Including signposting me to any books or other resources which could help me.
DS has finished A levels - v coursework heavy subjects and his hyper focus kicked in at end and he worked v v hard for several months. A levels were a struggle over the 2 years to help him focus. His planning and ability to see ahead is poor. He worked in fits and starts around deadlines and unfortunately resisted a lot of the advice he was getting from teachers. He will have done OK but is probably a grade below the predictions in each subject.
By time he finished early June he was tired. He's now had several weeks off with parties and a holiday with friends. And he's got a job in pub which is a godsend in meaning he has his own money to fritter away (rather than asking us and md getting pissed off wheh he spends it on vapes and big nights out at pub) and also gets him out of house several days/nights a week.
When he's not working he's on endless tik tok and Netflix trash. He'll take the dog for a walk or empty dishwasher or even cook dinner occasionally if asked but there is important stuff he just refuses to do or talk about. (He's got a standard way of behaving and blocking discussion whenever we try to encourage him to do stuff - but it's almost as if my asking him/reminding him/encouraging him then he's more determined not to do it.) we've had this pattern for ages and my stress levels are high - I rarely lose it with him but I can't help myself reminding him and then he gets angry and defensive.
He's got work to do for the course he starts in Sept (which is watching movies, documentaries, going to art shows and creating a sketchbook - he refuses to engage or discuss it but it's meant to be a summers work not all done at end. It's actually the kind of stuff he'd normally like if he thought of it himself but because it's college work he just pulled a face and said do I have to do it? I) and he needs to pass his driving theory test. His driving Instuctor says he's test ready so no more lessons until he passes theory. He took it (without revising) and missed by a few marks - that was 6 weeks ago. I've calmly told him that we aren't paying for the insurance on car anymore but he's not bothered. He was so keen to drive but he CBA to finish off. We even have second car he'd be able to borrow but he just CBA. Those are big ones - on the smaller front he has a pair of trainers that need cleaning (he only bought them a couple of weeks ago but he wore them to a festival and they got wrecked. He just needs to clean and chuck in washing machine - would take 15 mins - he neither wears them nor cleans them. So he's back to wearing the pair he replaced?! He has a pile of clothes he wants to sell but hasn't got on with it although he needs money. He's currently on sofa watching trash.
I'm at a loss to know what to do. Do I just shut up and ignore? (Only one that really worries me is the prep for course. The rest doesn't really have impact but the course does )
Sorry this is long rant. The only one that matters is course prep. Any thoughts on whether and how can handle that? Rest I just need to shut up and let him feel the consequences of his actions don't I?