Scared of what is to come (ADHD)

[SleepDebt]

Hi all,

Not sure what I'm trying to achieve - I think I'm feeling a bit lost and just reaching out.

I strongly suspect I have inattentive ADHD. It has taken me a long time to wrap my head around it but I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to seek a diagnosis and treatment. At this point I hope that is what I have, if not I am just a failure of a human being.

I have always felt like I am not 'normal' but could never put my finger on it. I want so badly to be organised, healthy, tidy and I try so hard but I always end up failing and defaulting back to a complete mess. I get so overwhelmed with things, I can't cope with normal life and I never have peace of mind. I am fairly good at holding it together at work and with friends but everything crumbles at home. I have really struggled with my mental health for most of my life and despite having therapy I have never stayed better - I am in my 30s now and would really like to get to the bottom of my brain and find a happier way forward. I have always felt misunderstood and when someone suggested I may have inattentive ADHD it was like all the puzzle pieces started coming together.

I have booked an appointment to ask my GP for an assessment but I am so anxious about it. It has taken me so long to take the leap but I am worried about being dismissed. There is a bit of a culture of this at my Drs surgery. Does anyone have any tips for the appointment? How can I get the Doctor to take me seriously?

Also, is it normal to be really scared about the implications of a diagnosis? My mind is shifting at such a rapid rate and I don't know what to expect if I am diagnosed. I don't think I will be able to tell many people in my life as I feel like I will have to justify it and expose parts of myself that I would rather not. There is a big part of me that is exciting too to potentially have some answers and targeted support.

I've just come on here to see if I can find anyone in my situation and I could have written this post. Well done on sorting the appointment, that is a great step.
I've only recently realised that I may have adhd or similar but it would explain so much about me. Apparently round here it's likely to take 12 months plus for a referral. Dh is super supportive but wonders what I'm hoping to get out of it.

Look into Right to Choose as in my area the wait for adult ADHD assessment is like 3 years. With RTC it’s somewhere in the 6-7 months ballpark. I had my referral end of April, asked for it to be sent to Psychiatry UK and received portal logins and pre-assessment forms end of June. No appointment yet, but I think they don’t schedule them until much closer so I expect to get a phone call maybe October?

https://adhduk.co.uk/diagnosis-pathways/#

For the GP make a list of all the ways in which it affects your life. Services are strained so I don’t know how reluctant they may be to refer, so be prepared to fight your case and maybe bring someone to advocate for you if you forget something (ha!) or can’t form your thoughts in a coherent way (ha ha!)

My case is a bit weird since my GP just gave me the referral no questions asked but I think that’s because I’d already once started the assessment process in a different country and then moved half way through it. She probably thought that’s a very ADHD thing to do? 😅

I also thought I have inattentive ADHD but filling in the forms it actually looks like I have at least as much, if not more, trouble with the hyperactivity symptoms, so it’s been a weird journey of self-discovery already! It has also pretty much melted away all doubts I had, being 36 and in a stable relationship and able to have jobs and always got good grades in school etc. but actually writing out examples of the symptoms has really clarified how much even the little ways in which I’m affected stack up!

Thank you both so much for replying.

@monsteramadness thank you, I'm getting nervous about the appointment but I'm glad it's booked. My DH is similar but I would be willing to try medication to help me to develop healthier habits and better emotional regulation. Are you thinking of getting an appointment? Good luck with it all of so.

Thanks so much @GinnyBee - I'm going to look into this all and get prepared, thank you. Mum is coming with me too, which feels strange in my 30s but needs must as I always crumble at the Drs. It's interesting that you are discovering different things as you go along, I'm definitely prepared for a tricky journey. I hope your appointment comes through soon!

Do you know - if I get diagnosed through Psychiatry UK - will I still be able to sort medications out through my GP?

@SleepDebt yes, if you go through Right to Choose that’s still an NHS service but outsourced, so when they’ve diagnosed you and got your meds sorted they will transfer you back to your GP under shared care. If your GP refuses shared care, and they might, Psych UK will continue to provide your prescriptions on NHS. If you go private then you may have to stay private as many GPs won’t accept private diagnoses and agree to provide prescriptions.

I think it is normal. And logical, as ADHD sadly remains a stigmatised diagnosis. And the soaring rates of adult diagnosis are now attracting an additional perjorative narrative as 'faddy' and of being produced through 'insufficiently robust' assessment (the old view ADHD as ''naughty' for the middle classes' rehashed for the 21st century).

The neurodiversity movement and disability rights activism more generally has really challenged attitudes and that is improving the social value of us as a group, (hence the increase in people seeking diagnosis. But this is work in progress. Having it on you medidal or work records invites professionals to make all sorts of assumptions about who you are, and your deficits, which may or may not be reflected at all in your own life or effectively mitigated by your personal coping strategies. And in terms of the capability and motivation of workplaces to make genuinely effective adjustments, and iterate them with you, well that's very patchy too.

Of course to get a diagnosis under DSM V definitions you need to be in a significant state of 'defict' in at least some respects. And the impact of having ADHD on various life chances is pretty scary (although those stats are based on a previous pattern of diagnosis of a much smaller cohort). Objectively, it is a decidely doubled-edge thing to have permanently affixed to oneself, until attitudes change further, and people become better educated.

Of course there are tremendous personal benefits in self-knowledge and having access to appropriate medication and support. I don't regret it at all. But I think one needs to proceed with care. Hopefully one day this won't be true.

I don't know if this helps at all @SleepDebt but I've just been throw the assessment process and received my diagnosis yesterday. I've agreed to consider medication so waiting to hear next steps.

I had no idea that I might have ADHD until earlier this year when a psychologist assessed me for 'workplace needs' as I have long Covid (cognitive issues and fatigue have been real challenges for me) and they were helping me back to work on a phased return. At the end of the 2 hour interview, he asked if anyone had ever suggested to me that I might have ADHD. It was a complete shock but when I read the material he sent me (and did a lot more research on my own), it was immediately clear to me that OMG this explains everything about my entire life.

I went to my GP and asked for a referral. She said there was no point as "they'll just give you amphetamines and we don't really recommend that". I ended up going back to my employer's HR dept and they agreed to pay for me to be assessed privately. I scored 9 out of 9 on attention and 5 out of 9 on hyperactivity so that means I have combined ADHD but clearly the inattentive part is very strong. I'm hoping I can find medication which helps me as combined with long Covid and peri-menopause, no wonder my life feels like a complete shitshow no matter how hard I'm trying.