Is being awkward and antisocial an ADHD thing?

[HedgehogHill]

Hi, I'm 36, was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive + hyperactive type) last year, which explains so much about why I struggle so much (have 3 kids but struggle way more than most seem to).

Although in certain circumstances, I do the classic oversharing thing when I really shouldn't: on the whole I find it very hard to talk to people I don't know very well and find myself more and more 'without' when it comes to friends etc.
In a working environment I do fine because I have to and I'm kind of 'playing a role'...but school runs and the general parent-school environment are hell for me ( a lot of the time I am tired, stressed, etc as it is...) I struggle to make eye contact with people very much and I am shite at small talk, so a lot of the time find myself hoping that actually no one will talk to me, but then feeling sad that I seem to have gotten my wish. When I do try to engage others in eye contact and a smile, I get stony-faces in response - they've already made their minds up about me from what I give out most of the time, which is fair enough.

On the odd occasion my DH or DM attend school events with me, I'm always amazed at how chatty the other parents are with them and how easy they find it to make small talk. I find myself quite envious of them as well as the other parents who are always chatting away to each other, and wondering what is so wrong with me. I feel like I am a pariah - actively disliked like I give off really bad 'vibes'.

I don't get involved in any of the school fundraising (and the school is very small) because I find daily life a struggle as it is, so maybe this is a big part of it too.

At school, sixth form etc I did find it hard to talk in a big group of kids, and would actively avoid those kind of situations. I did make many close friends who I was very social with, purely because I was there for long enough to get to know people and vice versa. I was in a sect of the 'popular group' despite my initial awkwardness.

Because I find it hard to stick at a job, I've never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends as an adult. I love my family but do find myself quite sad a lot of the time.

I am wondering if anyone else with ADHD has some of these difficulties too? My DM is convinced I am on the autistic spectrum too.

I have combined adhd and have social anxiety I've gotton worse over the years too I was an overly social teen and now I'm an awkward self aware 36 year old who tires too hard not ti say anything stupid resulting in no longer having any idea how to make small talk. I do not have asd (tested as a teen) I do have RSD rejection sensitivity disorder commonly known along side adhd basically years of rejection and becoming self aware caused the social anxiety and the never ending battle

I have both op - combined type ADHD and am also autistic, but with a PDA profile. I am outwardly quite sociable, but the churning anxiety is still there underneath - I am good at eye contact, but always aware of it, and have to coach myself through conversation to make sure that I ask questions and show interest in the person I am talking to. I tend to be quite loud and chatty, lots of energy and laughter - but it's too much for some people and I get bored quickly and become impatient with people, interrupting, finishing their sentences, etc - I know that I do it, but can't stop myself - very impulsive. I am high as a kite in social environments and then completely crash when I get home.

Have you read much about how autism presents in women? It can be really quite different to the classic profile of autism. This list is really useful:

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

There is also a lot of crossover between autism and ADHD and anxiety can cause similar symptoms to ADD (without the H).

Is it an ADHD thing - definitely in my case.
Funnily I would hit it off with a very few people. And now realise that they most likely had ADHD too. Also get on better with men (though people argue that that isn't true nowadays, it's just certain people).
Someone recently said to me ?I am very calm - when of course when in a social situation that is never the case. I wonder if I mask due to anxiety and come over as cold and disinterested which makes friendliness harder.
Certainly some people seem to avoid me like the plague.
But I am the worst person at chatting.

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing OP.
I relate to lots of what has been said here. I think I might have ADHD but haven't been diagnosed. I suffer terribly from rejection sensitivity. I am rubbish at small talk IMO. However, I think I mask and end up coming across as quite calm and reserved. I am so worried about saying the wrong thing. I am never my true authentic self, unless I'm at home. I feel lonely sometimes too. Xx

I have inattentive ADHD and this isn't one of my (many) symptoms. In fact, I'm super-social and notoriously good at social chitchat - this is frequently commented on by people about how well I get on with all sorts of different people and put them at ease and how people find me very engaging. I can't quite sell sand to the Arabs but I'd give it a good go. 😜

I understand from my psychologist that these social skills are quite common in females with ADHD. Because of the fear of rejection, and because we don't feel we fit in, we become people pleasers and learn to read people very well. That has certainly been the case with me. I pick up on all sorts of body language or changes in tones of voice that other people seem to miss. Because I'm desperately trying to read them because I want to make them happy so they don't reject me.

From what I understand, a lot of ADHD and Autism symptoms overlap and in very simple terms ADHD lacks the social awkwardness of Autism. Of course everyone presents differently but difficulty with eye contact in particular sounds more like an autism trait than ADHD.

Im not exactly a social butterfly but it’s more because of the “out of sight, out of mind” issue so I never keep in touch enough to form solid friendships, but when I’m around people I get on with them great and enjoy being social.

Nosykids that sounds just like me.chatty bubbly hyperactive and impatient.
I hate criticism too.I don't have a formal diagnosis yet I realise I'm different. I get on with men much much easier than women as they say what they mean.