Not sure if this is the place

[ben31]

Hi

sorry if this is not the place for this. I’m a male so please do not worry about telling me to bugger off somewhere else!

I was diagnosed about 2 years ago with Autism. I am terrified writing this because the response to my diagnosis has been so negative.

long story short it led my wife who I was with for 15 years (since we was 15) to ask me to leave and ended in divorce.

I have zero coping strategies so my car broke and I have not slept for 3 days as I try and wrestle some control back by googling to the extreme. Also had a house survey done and no fixated on the fact that will go horribly wrong. I spiral when unexpected things happen and just hope someone out here understands and maybe has suggestions for coping.

sorry for the long message and again sorry if this is not the right place. There is no support anywhere

That sounds awful. When did the break up happen?

Your GP may know of some organisations or charities to support you.

It was the same time I got my diagnosis but I think it made me view myself differently if that makes sense in a more negative way.

no support available I was referred to a specialist team in Sheffield. Two years on the waiting list and they spoke to me about a social battery and then said they could not offer further support as they was not funded to

Have you tried approaching your GP for anti-anxiety medication. I find anxiety is my biggest challenge. It's caused by routine changes, things that push my boundaries on noise / smell / tactile issues. I don't medicate but I am comfortable with my issues and making the necessary changes to accommodate them, I know others really find anti anxiety meds help.

Unfortunately there is very little support available for adults who are diagnosed with autism. I’m shocked that your wife of 15 years didn’t support you during this difficult time and instead divorced you, that’s absolutely awful behaviour towards someone you’re supposed to love and be committed to. Try to see your diagnosis as a good thing and a positive step towards understanding yourself.

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/
You can self refer to NHS talking therapies. It’s for general mental health support and not specifically for autism but you may find it helpful.

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/branches
You could also try the National Autistic Society, they offer support to adults.

Thank you for replying.

I am on anti anxiety meds and had been coping by taking diazepam everytime I struggled. That got took away and I’m left trying to figure it out.

the sad truth is I work for an autism charity, know loads about autism but cannot seem to then understand myself.

Read Unmasked by Devon Price it is very inspiring and helps you understand yourself

Unmasking*

I am sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you. Diagnosis can be a mixed blessing, as I have found myself. And there is very little support (and the support that exists isn't always what is needed). The anxiety that comes with autism is debilitating and I think this is not appreciated by many neurotypical people. I'm not sure I have any advice, other than to give yourself time and not to be too hard on yourself. Try to reduce stressors such as noise or light, which can be exhausting. And try to find help that works for,you, even if it's not specific for autism.

Have you been prescribed beta blockers? They're instrumental in keeping me sane when my anxiety is high, alongside my citalopram. Oh, and you're welcome on this board.

I'm a male so please do not worry about telling me to bugger off somewhere else!

I'm not sure how your sex is relevant. This isn't "Neurodiverse Female Mumsnetters".

I am terrified writing this because the response to my diagnosis has been so negative.

Welcome to Neurodiverse Mumnetters, a forum for autistic people, people with ADHD, etc. In short, a place for people like you to post and not be shooed away or laughed at.

long story short it led my wife who I was with for 15 years (since we was 15) to ask me to leave and ended in divorce.

Your ex-wife behaved illogically. You didn't change because you now have a diagnosis, autism is lifelong.

so my car broke and I have not slept for 3 days as I try and wrestle some control back by googling to the extreme.

Don't google, unless it's to find a good mechanic. You are unlikely to be able to fix a modern car yourself, unless it's something simple like a battery change.
Coping strategies for car breakdowns for me look like:

• Finding a good mechanic who doesn't try to bullshit me and sticking with him. Honest John may help you with this.
• Evaluating what my public transport options are at intervals so that I know what events I will have to skip and what I can still attend with extra effort.
• Joining Co-wheels or similar so that I can hire a car by the hour if needed. At £5 per month membership fee, it's a useful fallback if my car needs work

Devon Price

I'm not a fan of someone branding people who hold a lawful belief that is protected under the Equality Act a "cult" in a book about autism.

Thank you all for the responses. I think I need to figure out why I react like I do. It spirals and now I’m worrying about my car, a house survey and the fear that everything will be going wrong.

I push people away because I obsess and do not stop going on and worrying. It takes over everything and I lost my ex wife because of it and am now pushing away my boys and my partner.

I appreciate the responses and ideas but I suppose this is something we all have to figure out for ourselves

I know what you mean about pushing people away, I have done this too in the past. I hope you find a way to still be close to your boys and partner.

In another post you said that diazepam used to help you but that it was taken away. Can you maybe get this prescribed again, with careful,monitoring?

You might find cognitive behavioural therapy techniques helpful to stop the spiralling

I have written plans for things, and written contingency plans for foreseeable problems. So I'm not having to improvise when my car needs work.

But also, a vital tactic is to ask "how important is this really?" and "can I mitigate the damage/inconvenience?" rather than just trying to fix the problem straight away, because a phone call to the boss can get you the morning off to take the car to the mechanic and a Zoom link to the meeting you were meant to be in the office for.

Hi

sorry I dropped off the radar. Managed to get some diazepam for short term use and sleeping pills for the night. Need to figure out a new way of managing for the future but need to get through this blip first.