Tips on shutting up

[Diddykong]

I have ADHD and one of the key way if manifests is over sharing and blurting out things I shouldn't with colleagues. For example, I will overshare about my home life or be brutally honest about work I've found boring. I work in a sector where having DC is not discussed generally and marks you as not committed, obviously saying I find work boring or sharing gossip is also not creating the best impression!

But I go into each new interaction thinking 'i will not talk' or 'i will not mention xyz' and within 2 mins I'm frantically blurting it all out and then I die of cringe at home and ruminate over it for weeks. I also talk over people rudely. Again I try not to but it all just comes out!

Any practical tips on managing this impulse?

Are you me.
I never realised it was such an issue until I went to my latest workplace.
I'm worse with excitement or nerves too.

Yes! Any situation where I have to meet new people or I'm slightly nervous and within 3 mins the person I'm trying to professionally network with and schmooze knows all about how much the quote for my bathroom is, what my kids did this morning and something I've fucked up that day.

I think it's fear of awkward pauses combined with worrying I will forget what's in my head so I need to say it ALL NOW with no filter.

But seriously there must be a tip or two to manage this?

But I go into each new interaction thinking 'i will not talk' or 'i will not mention xyz'

I think you're expectations are too high. You shouldn't try to not talk...that's unrealistic. I don't think you should even try to change your behaviour. Try to tackle it lower down than that.

If it's anxiety, what are you anxious about? Where do you feel it? What's your worry? Try to manage that.

I think it's fear of awkward pauses combined with worrying I will forget what's in my head so I need to say it ALL NOW with no filt

Try to remember that other people quite like silences. So take ownership of that awkward feeling. It's not theirs it's yours. Do you think you can challenge yourself to notice that awkwardness earlier on and just sit with it for just a moment longer than you already do?

Try to expect and accept silences. Silences are a normal part of an interaction. People appreciate them.

But don't beat yourself up for talking a lot. People probably see you as confident and self assured. They probs like your openness. Some people won't like you and that's OK too! You don't need to be liked by everyone.

Thank you don'tbepassiveaggressive.
Ok agree rambling on to fill the awkwardness is being replaced by silences for me.I came from a noisy household then a noisy work environment. Always someone chatting .
Some people love that I'm chatty and will talk to anyone.Others are quiet and see chatting as ditzy not connecting with others.
Trying to just stop made me feel awful and depressed.

Trying to just stop made me feel awful and depressed.

Exactly. I'm sorry that you felt the need to be someone you are not. Concentrate on your own mental health and everything else will fall in to place. I know thats over simplified!

I think it's the work context in particular. I don't want to be perceived as ditzy and that's exactly what I'm conveying.

I'll try to lean into the pauses more. I'm trying to do that with public speaking (which I do a lot of) too.

I play music and am wondering if I can channel a bar or two of Bach in my head to fill the pause 😂

My colleagues reported me for talking too much in a friendly bubbly way to customers and my new boss told me to shush.
I'm sure I have ADHD though.

I think self forgiveness is the key. I know that realistically I can't shut up sometimes, that voice in my head telling me not to say 'that thing' doesn't even help, I say it anyway then it's even worse as I tried and failed to stop so yet another reminder of my lack of self control. But giving yourself permission to forgive after and practicing that i find to be more successful than trying to stop the behaviour in the first place.

Try a little sneaky fidgiting. You need constant stimulation and talking is one way of getting it in the wrong way. A little fidgit will mean you get more stimulation so you can shut up.

Also practice standing back, watch people a little for stimulation and suss them out a little, it's fun and understanding people can mean better coversations.

Get strategic, plan how much of your personal life you want to talk about at work and stick to it. Have a few tales from the weekend ready and stick to them.

Go easy on yourself, you have a physical problem with your brain,you're a good person trying their best in an enviroment that doesn't suit you. Try to get a job that would suit you better, there is a place for you, you just need to find it. If you can't leave your job make sure you have hobbies and interests that boost your self esteem.