Rejection-sensitive dysphoria, avoidance,

[WanderleyWagon]

Hoping fellow neurodiverse mumsnetters may have some advice!

I have ADHD and ASD and I was recently reading about rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It had never occurred to me that this was part of my ADHD behaviours because I thought RSD was about getting upset when other people criticise you, which I didn't think was a problem for me.

But what I do now realise I have is a deep anxiety about whether people will respond negatively to something I send (email, text message, invitation). This often makes me put off sending messages or discourages me from inviting people round, or whatever. It's the fear of potentially being rejected that is the problem, rather than a bad response if somebody does reject me, iyswim.

Does this sound familiar to anybody? Does anybody else think of this kind of behaviour as linked to RSD? Any and all advice or comments would be welcome!

Hello, yes that sounds like RSD to me. I suffer from it. Im dyslexic. And suspect autism and/or ADHD.

From my little understanding of it...it's a bit of a make shift term because it could be due to rejection because of being ND and it also could be actually because of a neurobiological difference...but i haven't read anything that explains the later.

To manage it I have wrote down something for me to read when I am "triggered". Basically...this will pass, you are cared for etc. It helps a bit because it gives me perspective.

I think it's important to validate the feelings but know that the feelings aren't inproportion to what's actually going on.

I have found it's easier to manage when I can predict I am going to feel triggered because then I can catch it and do the above. Like when I message friends to arrange a meet up I know to read my thing while I'm waiting for a reply. But when it's something unpredictable I can feel really rejected and awful about myself and not recognise it so can't give myself that perspective and kindness to get through it.

Thanks @DontBePassiveAggresive, for a very kind message! I like your mantra. I may borrow it!

I have ADHD and RSD. I only found out very recently (I'm 53).

I have deliberately stayed single for over 15 years because I felt 'too deeply' and found that it is better for me mentally to isolate myself rather than risk those lows that come with RSD. I have spent many years wondering what the hell is wrong with me and why can't I be like other people?! Now I understand. We DO actually feel things more deeply. That's our brain chemistry. Whether it's an email that we waiting for a response to or a relationship breakdown, RSD just makes it so much harder. I am starting to find some comfort that at least now I can identify it and say 'that's the RSD kicking in' when I'm struggling with my feelings.

Hi -
oldish thread but very interested in RSD
my teen daughter is dyslexic
always been very sensitive / empathic
eg cries at movies, feels others
emotions deeply and finds it highly overwhelming and embarrassing
feels physical pain / sickness when perceiving critism
always believes she is no one’s first choice
low self esteem
self attacking
gets upset very easily if others seem to be disregarding her
withdraws / disengages from social contact due to fear of being judged and then is desperately lonely
the more I read about RSD the more I think this is the cause ??