Just exhausted and no motivation

[nannyoggsnips]

I was diagnosed autistic less than 3 months ago. I'm 45 and perimenopausal on hrt and have a bad thyroid and take levothyroxine.

I just can't shake feeling so tired and unmotivated to do anything I used to love. I used to have alot of creative special interests that I used to obsess over and then rotate onto the next one, but now I can't get into a single one of them. I feel like they were my identity and now I can't do anything other than cook, clean, get myself ready, take dog out, I feel like I'm nothing and nobody. I'm so frustrated with myself.

I feel like I don't know who I am/was. I've had so much stress this past year with my mother who made herself really ill by not seeking medical help. She has since made it through but has been really dismissive of my diagnosis and was nasty on the phone to me where I was left shaking and hysterical from her horrible words. To not drip feed, my childhood was utter shit and I was emotionally abused and sometimes physically assaulted by both parents. (Father covert narc and mother enabler).

I have alot of stress where I live - very noise heavy and need somewhere quieter. Am in contact trying to get help with local authority - but am having to 'prove' I'm disabled whilst they just think an adult autistic woman can just 'get on with' the levels of noise I have to cope with.

Anyway, I have gone no contact with parents. I sent a birthday card to my mother which I regret. Everyday, all that is in my head is her / how shit I am / why can't I just start SOMETHING and be myself again / when can I move house etc. I think suicidal thoughts everyday, I struggle to keep my relationship going through all this stress. Luckily I don't have small children at home anymore as I would not be able to cope at all - mine are grown up and moved out and we have a loving relationship. My husband is very understanding, but it's all too much. I just want to go to bed and not wake up.

My hrt nurse asked about everything and she asked if I wanted to see GP for mental health/meds and I said no as I thought I would be okay but I'm not. I have no idea where to start. I just want to feel better and have a special interest again. Just so I have a secure anchor. I don't have my anchor.

Hi op,

Just wanted to say I feel very similar. I have just started taking HRT for the perimenopause - it has taken the edge of anxiety but I feel completely shattered. I am going to ask GP to test for thyroid issues as my symptoms seem to indicate an issue. How long have you been taking this medication?

I have issues with my mother (similar to how you describe including childhood) and have gone non contact.

I have a special interest but struggling with it lately and also struggling to find joy. And yes, feeling low with it all like I'm not sure where I belong or who I am. It's interesting you describe this as having a secure anchor, I'd never thought of it like this but I'm still trying to consolidate my personality I think. I have dh and fairly young dc so this in one way this is absorbing some attention but in another it is all a bit of a struggle.

It all feels too overwhelming currerntly, like it's too much and I have also made similar comments about not waking up. I don't really mean this, I just feel at a loss at how to make things better.

Sorry to hear about your housing issue. I hope you hear some good news on that front soon.

No answers but I wanted to say, you are not alone in feeling this way.

I would suggest seeing your gp as you sound quite depressed, my lovely. I go through cycles and take citalopram when it hits me which works very well. I've just started back on them as my mum died recently and I wasn't functioning at all.