Does this sound like it might be ADHD?

[whatkatydid2013]

We have been struggling a bit with how best to deal with some difficult behaviour from our eldest daughter (8).

Her attention will wander a lot and she will struggle to stay focused on a conversation topic or a task, even if it’s something she is enjoying like a craft activity, reading a new book or building a Lego set
She struggles to get to sleep & also often wakes early.
She will get very angry, agitated & sometimes aggressive over relatively simple requests and then once she has had some time alone to calm down can’t really articulate what has upset her and led to the reaction at all
She’s very particular about what she will wear and often refuses to keep things on as she says they are uncomfy but can’t really tell me what is uncomfortable about them. This also isn’t consistent. She loved joggers a few months ago but now can’t stand them and only wants thin cotton trousers/shorts. She will never wear leggings unless for rugby (& then only very reluctantly/when it’s really cold) and will never wear dresses (though she did happily up to around 2 years back)

My other half has pointed out that in some ways I am similar but just have strategies in place that let me work around it and wonders if we may both have ADHD

I often struggle to stay focused so I plan fairly meticulously to ensure I don’t miss things. Other times I’m on a roll and will work for hours on end without a break though often flitting between several tasks. As an example of the planning all family activities are listed in our shared calendar & anytime I need to be available blocked in my personal and work calendar. I block time in work calendar ahead of deadlines to remind me to prep work I put things in immediately when we get an invite/book any activity. I have a set time weekly to go through calendar with DH & check it is all aligned & I check every morning what I am doing. I have to do lists for tasks and checklists for what to take to various activities, pack for holidays etc. I have a back up cupboard with gifts, giftwrap etc in case I forget to buy a present for a party. I have masses of dried/tinned food, cleaning products etc to avoid running out. Even with all this I still manage to miss a birthday party for the kids at least once a school year as I just am not focusing when I check that morning and I don’t remember I’m meant to be there or we end up with no soap or toilet roll or whatever. Usually it’s when I’m stressed at work. I put it down to having a horrible memory and being not naturally organised but I know if you asked one of the other school mums they would think I’m amazingly well organised/with it because it looks that way from outside when in reality the planning is the only way I can get things done. I would never just remember to do it.

I should add both myself and daughter are doing ok. I have a decent career in project management and she’s doing well overall in school inspite of periods of inattention/lack of focus there too. Her behaviour being angry tends to happen only at home and school/clubs she attend mention often how well behaved she is. I’ve assumed she will just grow out of it to an extent and that we can help her with strategies to manage tasks better (she’s trying some of mine and says it helps) but I wonder if he’s right and, if so, whether it would be helpful to try and get her diagnosed and see if there is more we can do to help her.

For those of you who have ADHD does this sound like it or has he just seen a couple of things we are both not good at on a list of symptoms? Was anyone diagnosed as an adult and if so how did you go about it?

How is she with food @whatkatydid2013?

Hi @whatkatydid2013 I was diagnosed very recently with ADHD (37). What you have described with your DD and yourself sounds like possibly Adhd, definitely best to discuss & explore with the GP. The inattention was and still is a huge factor for me. I am like you in the sense that unless I plan meticulously and put things in the diary straight away & set alerts I will inevitably forget things and miss important activities/ appointments or mess things up. Do you feel overwhelmed with life in general? Sometimes we do actually have too much on our plates, but what’s different with adhd is that we feel overwhelmed when we don’t have that much going on compared to others, if that makes sense.

When you said you sometimes work for hours without a break it sounds a bit like hyper focus, which is another adhd trait which I have sometimes too. flitting from different tasks is common due to inattention and constant dopamine seeking. Lots of unfinished tasks, abandoned hobbies, etc is another common trait.

In terms of my diagnosis, I was actually under the care of the perinatal mental health team and my psychiatrist had a chat with me and sent me the assessment forms. These included questions about my childhood (rating scales) and forms for my husband and mum to fill in. Some of these were historical and some were current/ last 6 months. Then he did an interview with me (about an hr long) going through lots of related questions. this is just my experience, I am not sure how it is done in a different NHS/ private setting but I would assume similarly.

Basically the questions focus on different key areas: inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity, difficulty with organisation, difficulty with time keeping/ ‘time blindness’, (there are others that I can’t remember just now) and how these have historically (since childhood) and currently affect your life. A lot of them are in the form of rating scales (e.g 0-3).

My best advice would be to read lots about ADHD, it helped me make sense of a lot of my symptoms and I could then articulate better to other people. I found these website really helpful: https://www.additudemag.com/ https://adhduk.co.uk/

ADHD UK actually have a page which has a step by step guide to seeking a diagnosis https://adhduk.co.uk/diagnosis-pathways/. The fact that you think you might have adhd and your daughter also is quite significant as it is believed to be genetically linked so commonly runs in families.

Hope this helps.

@Pandorasboxofchocolates thanks for the reply. I will definitely take a look at the link.
To answer your question I do sometimes feel overwhelmed. I don’t know if l I have excessive amounts on my plate.
On the whole I don’t think the business of my life is at all unusual for a parent of younger kids but also think most parents of younger kids have quite a bit on their plates. Certainly you get a lot of things that all should ideally be happening in the same 2-3 hours of a given day.