Really upset over glasses and can't calm down.

[BoardLikeAMirror]

Collected a new pair of glasses yesterday - varifocals to the same spec as my previous pair, but updated prescription. They are terrible, completely wrong, everything wonky and distorted and it's made me upset and panicky.

The optician was fiddling about with them to see if adjusting the fit would help and let slip that they have changed manufacturer for the lenses. I'm terrified I won't be able to get a pair that work properly now. I am wearing my old ones still, as they are much better than the new ones even though they are out of date.

I've to go back next week and see someone to try to sort it out, but I'm scared I won't be able to articulate the problem or I will be fobbed off. I'm going into a state of mania over it.

I haven't been able to 'settle' at all since this happened as it's consuming my thoughts. I spent a lot of money, they are not the 'basic' varifocals, I just want them to be like my previous ones, which were marvellous - they were my first varies but I was fine with them from the moment I put them on.

Please if anyone can help calm me down, I would be really grateful.

Op do you suffer from anxiety?

The optician will sort.

Yes, I do suffer from anxiety, and I'm autistic so I obsess over the things that are making me anxious.

I just feel like asking them to refund me and going somewhere else - I wonder if it is the prescription that is wrong and I should get another eye test to see if it is different. I don't mind paying for another test if I have to. But they're going to do everything to avoid refunding me, aren't they?

It's all wrong and messed up now and I want to start again.

Way too early for a refund

give then a chance to resolve as that’s the ideal

Have you an existing rel with this optician?

Yes, been going to the same one for about 20 years, this is the first time I have had an issue - my gut feeling is that it's due to the change of manufacturer. They said something about 'updated technology' which in my experience means 'getting a robot to do a less good job, for less money.'

Hi op
I totally get the panic you feel I am autism and get that as well when some thing is wrong

if you worry you cannot articulate youself sometimes if I have to have an appointment with the dr or something I will write out what the problem or whatever is so I can use that

would that be something that helps you to write it all down for them?

sorry if that no good suggestion

I understand your anxiety.

When you return, do you have a Hidden Disabilities sunflower lanyard or anything? Did you tell them you are Autistic?

Tell them that first as you begin the discussion. State you are Autistic, that you are feeling anxious over the problems here, that you require their patience in listening to you and understanding your problem, that you may need their questions repeated or explained and that it requires resolution today as it's extremely upsetting.
Write it down as a script if necessary.

Have you got someone who can do the talking for you or just be with you for moral support?

It's not too early for a refund.

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. They don't know I am autistic. I think writing the issues down seems like the best plan. I could take my husband, but (this might sound silly) he had repeated problems with some varifocals a couple of years ago and I'm worried if they recognise him they might tar the both of us as 'problem customers' and not take me seriously.

If you're with Specsavers they have this 100 day rule which may help:

https://www.specsavers.co.uk/news-and-information/customer-care/specsavers-promise#:~:text=100%20day%20no%20quibble%20no,No%20quibble%2C%20no%20fuss.

You could write a short note to give them at the start saying you've been really stressed, that you are autistic and just need some extra time to process sometimes. That might just break the ice enough? So they understand your coming in stressed and can find it difficult to say what you mean

I am having almost exactly this problem now, though it's my first varifocals. they've made them again, but still not right, and I'm so embarrassed about going back and taking up more time and knowing that I'm costing them money too by having them redone repeatedly. That then makes me more panicky and I can't talk or explain anything properly, and end up feeling fobbed off when they just say to get used to them for longer, or learn to look through the right parts and use them properly, or that it's always going to be a compromise, or whatever. And I know it's not the case but the words just won't come out, and I think I end up looking petulant and difficult, which then makes me more upset, and it's a vicious circle.

so sympathies, if no advice.

Fairly promising update.

I followed advice and listed the issues on paper.

I then had the very good fortune to be seen by The Person Who Really Knows What They Are Doing - you know how you can tell straight away by someone's confidence in any retail or service setting, that you have actually got a person who can help?

The problem seems to be down to the change of supplier and the new supplier's lenses are just not as good as the old one. However, they are remaking my glasses with an off-book order of the old lens type, so - cross everything - they should be like my existing pair which are near-perfect. As they should be, really, as I go for the most expensive type - not that I have money to throw around, far from it, but I believe my eyesight is one thing I am justified in not scrimping on.

So now, just a wait for them to be re-made.

@PaltnSepper This is very similar to how I feel about 'making a fuss'. It's only because these aren't my first varifocals that I am rock-solid sure of myself that they aren't right.

The distortion should be minimal and confined to the very periphery of the glasses. For example, if you look downwards at a distant object it will be out of focus because you'll be looking through the reading part of the lens - same as looking out of the extreme sides (which you wouldn't naturally do anyway, you'd turn your head). There shouldn't be any wobbly or bulging bits in your field of vision with a decent varifocal lens.

I would suggest following the good advice of the posters like I did, of listing all issues with the glasses, where the distortion is, what you can and cannot see properly. Don't accept them until you can see through them properly. It's a horrible feeling of being a nuisance and I've been losing sleep over the whole thing but I do feel much better now the problem has been diagnosed.

I will update when I get the remade ones back!

Oh that is a great update. I hope you are feeling a bit better and more hopeful.

Brilliant!

That is a great update op I keep everything crossed for you!

That is a great update.

That feeling of making a fuss is hard to overcome, isn't it! I know that there are a lot of compromises with varifocals. I worry that even though I've bought the most expensive ones, if they have to remake them more than once, then they will still lose money even if they company refunds some of it to the opticians, and then they'll just think I'm a difficult and unprofitable patient. I don't know why I care though but I do. I can't see well enough close up though distance is OK, but if they make close-up better, then intermediate will suffer, so maybe it is just me that has to learn the limits of them.

What supplier did you have first that you liked, and what was the bad one that they switched to? Was it because it was cheaper? (for them or for you)?

Well done you. That's so good that writing things down helped 💜. A good strategy for future if you imagine similar types of instances

This reaction is super normal. For me at least! Only strategy I know ie distract distract distract

Brilliant update @BoardLikeAMirror Well done for not accepting specs that you could not get on with.

I really hope the new varifocals are suitable for you.

FWIW, I don't think you were overreacting in your panic. I found it impossible to wear varifocals and returned mine for a refund; unfortunately not before they caused me to fall downstairs/walk into walls/trip over etc etc. Bloody awful things!!!