I’ve always felt a bit… different. Parents divorced when I was 5 and I recall at playgroup drop off and then school first days crying uncontrollably when my DM left as I connected it with my DF leaving and he didn’t return. As a child my DB was chronically ill and almost died twice but meant DM was tied up with him a lot. I had a squint which needed regular hospital visits and tasks to help the weak eye. I only had 2 best friends at school and preferred my own company and if friends did come come round I’d often read by myself. My DM was a different personality to me and I often felt different as she was so extrovert. When I hit 11 years old I suffered from palpitations when going to bed and then had a mini nervous breakdown at 12 when starting senior school which meant insomnia, anxiety etc. this lasted a month and then I started another school where I made friends and studied well. I was bullied by other girls but this was a very rough inner city school and this was common place. I would have “episodes” every 2-3 years for 1-2 months after I started my periods where I couldn’t sleep, got anxious and worried a lot. I was prescribed Valium, sleeping pills and anti psychotic drugs (taken off all those). I then went for talking therapy but found it strange to just talk. Eventually aged 16-17 I and my DM made the connection that I got ill before my periods so PMT but probably severe and I was prescribed the pill which evened me out and made me normal. I stayed in jobs but they were admin types and I was bullied in one and left and then sexually assaulted by a boss in another one and left. I did have some good jobs where I spent eg 6 and 5 year periods and I did well.
I’ve had a few relationships and been engaged twice and lived with people but also lived at home a bit too as I found it safer.
When I was a teenager and in 20s I didn’t overspend, kept flats or where I lived tidy and organised and seemed more organised and had more friends. As I’ve got older the latter has got worse though I’ve kept or tried to keep an eye on things. I find it easy to do nothing though I do have interests and friends. I like my own company. In my mid 30s or 37 I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid which I’m on 150mg of levothyroxine for and which helps. I don’t know if I had this when I was younger and it was confused or mixed in with severe PMT. I had a fairly ok menopause at 50 and actually felt normal and far less controlled by hormones and emotions then than when I was younger. I’m now on HRT to help with symptoms like brain fog etc of menopause and have been on this for 4 months now and it’s working well.
The thing is and I met someone with ADHD and autism (high functioning) I’ve wondered if I have ADHD or some form of autism or other. I think if anything I might have, and symptoms have increased and worsened with age and what with WFH I can easily mask symptoms. But eg mobile phones make it easy for me to be distracted.
I haven’t done any tests but does anyone have any tips or advice. I guess with friends or friends children with eg ADHD I think I’m not like them and I’m probably not. But maybe in a minor way.
Sorry it’s such a long read and thanks for reading!