Does my experience sound similar to those with adhd?

[Lazylikeasundaymorning]

Hi everyone, I've been wondering lately whether I may possibly have ADHD and was wondering whether my experience resonates with any of you who do have it? There are some things about me which I think are traits typical of ADHD but also quite a few things that aren't but I can't seem to make sense of why I have always been this way.

A few examples of the things which make me wonder about ADHD:

• I have always struggled massively to focus on tasks and get them done - it sounds lazy but I think it's more than that, I just get overwhelmed / get a mental block sometimes and just can't bring myself to begin tasks
• I never used to do my work at school, although was academically bright enough that I "got away with" the odd telling off rather than anything more serious.
• I had to leave university after failing to submit any work over many many months :(
• I'm unable to hold down a job for long - ironically I'm quite good at what I do and always get good performance feedback but I constantly put big tasks off and then get overwhelmed and end up leaving to get a fresh start somewhere else (it's been years since I managed to stay in the same role for more than a year)
• I don't open my post for months and months at a time (I feel anxious just at the thought!) and constantly avoid doing basic life admin, even where it ends up costing me money
• I often get quite stressed talking about plans in advance or making definitive commitments to do things
• I frequently tune people out when they are talking (but i do always appear to be paying attention so wouldn't meet that criteria for ADHD)

Other things which make me think perhaps it's "just" poor mental health or something else rather than a neurodiversity:

• I suffer from terrible anxiety and have all my life since childhood (including a period in full time NHS therapy in my 20s - as an outpatient but attending for 4 full days per week)
• I have what I would describe as a borderline eating disorder - compulsive binge eating, I don't enjoy it and don't even know why I do it
• I don't have any friends (I know some people say that when they mean they only have a few - I have literally none, not a single person I could text or phone for a chat or meet up with). I'm very lonely but equally I find social interaction difficult and quite tiring
• I feel exhausted all the time and frequently tearful and upset
• I don't look after my health at all
• I grew up in quite a difficult home environment and was bullied at school, so wonder if this could actually be the root cause of all the above

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading if you got this far!

Lots of your post sounds familiar to me, I have ADHD.

The anxiety/depression for me was rooted in never feeling like I had control over my life/actions and not understanding why. Once I had the diagnosis, it gave me the missing piece of the puzzle that had never made sense and so I didn't have those feelings any more. Although I still struggle with the same things, I now know why and expect to, so I can put things in place in advance to deal with it.

I don't have eating disorder behaviour, but this can be associated with the impulsive part of ADHD and can be again a reaction to feeling out of control in life.

Many people with ADHD struggle to maintain long term relationships, particularly into adulthood/without a forced regular meeting (work/school). Because other people naturally text/call each other and arrange meet ups whereas we just ignore people for months or years and people assume that means we aren't interested. Out of sight out of mind is a very real danger.

It is often difficult to keep up good habits (such as things relating to health) because the dopamine system (the thing that provides intrinsic reward) is all fucked up with ADHD meaning basically unless someone external is clapping and giving you praise/reward for something or threatening dire consequences for not doing it, you're not motivated to do it even if you want to. Which sounds like an oxymoron. But motivation and wanting something aren't the same thing.

ADHD is often genetic and runs in families, so it's not unusual to have grown up in a somewhat chaotic home. And while trauma can also cause some of the same symptoms, it could really be either way.

I think the uni, jobs, relationships and mental health struggles are all really compelling reasons to seek out assessment. Usually the assessment process would go through questions like is this trauma and I'm having ADHD responses because of trauma, am I vitamin deficient because I'm not eating well and that's causing the rest of the symptoms, or is it ADHD leading to these other things or is there more than one thing going on (which is not at all uncommon).

I was diagnosed in February last year, and your post definitely rings bells with me.

Focusing on and finishing tasks - sometimes I feel like I’m having to physically wrestle my brain into looking at my computer screen. Have you looked up ADHD task paralysis?

School/uni - yep. I was bright, but would get told ‘you just need to apply yourself’ etc. I was always doing homework in the 20 minute form period before actual classes. Always had my nose in a book, to the point that you could literally shout at me from across a room and I wouldn’t hear you, but would do anything other than revise for exams. GCSEs were acceptable, but by a-levels, I was slipping, and then made it to final year of uni before dropping out without completing my dissertation.

Work - I got fired from my very first ever job. Started off well and then… I’m not sure really what happened (I was only 13 or so - long time ago haha). Every job since then I’ve left, in part, because I’ve been convinced that I’ll get fired if I stay. One formal disciplinary and a few informal bollockings, generally because I got overwhelmed and let everything pile up. The imposter syndrome is intense!

Life admin - I actually quite like opening post. But constantly getting estimated gas/electric bills because I don’t get around to giving meter readings. Or racking up library fines because I’d not get around to returning books. Not cancelling subscriptions… I could go on lol.

friends - I have a couple of friends from a previous workplace and we meet up once very few months. But they would probably count as my ’best friends’ and I’m really conscious that I’m not theirs. There’s no one I can message and say hey, do you want to go for a drink after work, or similar? I do meet-ups etc, but actually forming connections? That’s hard.

Binge eating - oh I’m sooooo bad at at this! Although on this I have actually improved over the last 2/3 years. I’ve found it helpful to use a PT once a week - I have to go otherwise I let him down, and then I have to do the gym classes, and then I find it easier to eat healthy… the PT session helps me sustain a more positive cycle. It’s of course not affordable for everyone but might be worth a go?

Growing up and being constantly told you’re not trying hard enough, to stop being lazy… it’s traumatising, in a very literal sense. I was (am) socially awkward, anxious, can be depressed. Before I was diagnosed I had basically concluded I was a little incompetent at life in general. It’s really shit!

But in some ways it’s kinda cool - if nothing else it makes you resilient, we think a little differently to other people, which means we can be fun and quirky, we make great friends, not to mention being really valuable to employers who understand how to support us.

Tl;dr - you’re not on your own! Get on the list for dx if you’re not already, and in the meantime look for support groups in your local area? There are also a ton of nd people on social media you can follow with advice that actually stands a chance of being helpful.

good luck xx

I am not qualified to diagnose you.
But I had/have a lot of the same issues and have adhd and a diagnosis now.

My advice would be:
Watch Jessica mcabe on you tube. If it feels relatable, maybe so far as you break into tears because you finally start to feel like you can understand yourself. Call up your gp, tell them you think you have adhd and get a referral.
Its a long wait. But worth it. I nearly didn't go for it because there were lots of forms and I worried about insurance /driving license.

But after going through it, it's worth it. The specialist I see is amazing. She is very intelligent and is helping me. I'm trialing different meds.

And they help. Alot.

(in the last 4 months I've achieved so much over the life admin stuff thst I just could never have imagined I could do. Not that it was technically different. But it was hard to start and hard to see through to finish).

The best way I've heard of describing adhd is you have a different nervous system. Instead of running off what is important and needs doing.

You run off: challenge, novelty, urgency and interest. If the thing doesn't fit in those categories.... Not matter how much you want it to get done, you struggle.

For instance uni work, house chores, banking and bills.

But yeah summary.
Do a bit of research, get tested by an expert. Which means you will eventually get help if you have it. And that is a game changer.

You can be intelligent and have adhd. I have a degree in astrophysics. The actual physics wasn't hard. More the self management and being able to sit down and just study.