Dealing with grief

[Mabelface]

My mum died on Tuesday from undiagnosed colon cancer. She was definitely medically neglected. I lived at the hospital with her for the 5 days she was in.

I shut down when I got home, understandably. I'm really struggling to let my brain start to think about everything that happened and the fact that she's gone. If I let even a little go in my brain, the anxiety is too much to deal with and I can't cope. I suffered the trauma of seeing her almost drown in her own bodily fluids. My siblings had left the hospital for a short break when this happened. It was fucking horrible and frightening and this is the first time I've vocalised what happened as I didn't want to add that trauma to my siblings. They don't need to know.

Essentially, my brain is mashed. If any of you have been through similar, how did you cope? What made things a little easier? I know this is going to fucking hurt for quite some time, but I need to find a way through.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

My dad died in hospital a few months ago and

I don’t know how to finish that sentence.

Is there anyone you can speak to? Or speak at? Getting the words outside my head was vital for me.

Just came on to say I’m sorry for your loss. There is no one right way to get through this, only your way. If that looks like immersing yourself in a comforting routine or activity, do it. The admin’ when someone dies and all the organising that needs to be done can be helpful because it’s a concrete and controllable task, or it can feel too much and you might need to delegate if possible.

Thank you both. I'm working my way through this and can now speak to people without crying, mostly. The admin and sorting will take place in a week or so, and that will help close the chapter. I've come out of shut down. I'm having a horrible ibs attack plus a uti from getting dehydrated, so pain is adding enormously to the grief. Dr is on it. I just want to feel normal again.