Feeling low after ADHD assessment

[Beforeithappened]

It’s taken me nearly three years to get from the initial realisation that I have adhd to finally sitting down for an assessment to confirm it. And now I feel absolutely trashed.

Everything seemed to come into focus when I learned about adhd - all my struggles made sense, many of the choices I’ve beaten myself up for made sense. It’s been very affirming.

And on a rational level I know that the diagnostic criteria were developed for boys and men, and that they exist to gatekeep support for impairment and difficulty.

I’ve had misgivings about whether I’m wrong to seek a diagnosis when I’m doing okay generally (although some days I’m very much not), appropriating a term because it’s trendy after spending a life studying how to pass for normal and not even recognising I was masking and mirroring.

But women like me often break badly before anyone recognises a problem and I’ve already had two mental breakdowns so I deserve to look for help.

Sorry - this is rambling!

I’ve just sat through two days of questioning where every bit of my life and personality was picked over and I feel raw. All my favourite things about myself were held up as evidence for wrongness. I just want to climb into bed and never leave the house again.

I feel like my mask has been ripped off, I’ve been seen and it’s all just horrible.

RSD I know. I know. But fuck this just feels worse than anything.

Oh my lovely. Your differences aren't wrongness, they're just differences. When you're diagnosed, you're essentially rewriting your life story and you now understand why you find things difficult that others just seem to do easily.

Just keep in mind that you're not lesser, in fact you have skills that you wouldn't have if you were neurotypical. Us ND people are the inventors, the creators, the risk takers and likely would have been the hunters in prehistoric times. We are needed in this world.

I felt like this too - it's such a gruelling process and then there's no debrief! Nothing. You're just kind of left with it.

Are you still part way through the process or is it completed?

@Mabelface thank you. And I know you’re right. Just can’t feel it yet.

@BertieBotts thanks. I’ve been diagnosed and I have an appointment with the gp in two weeks for blood tests, blood pressure and so forth to begin meds.

I’m not even sure right now if I didn’t just say exactly what he needed to hear to get myself diagnosed because I mask and mirror so much that I think I might just pull something like that off.

You'd only be diagnosed if you hit the criteria. Please don't think you're a fraud, you're absolutely not. I'm 7 months into the adhd life since diagnosis and the meds have transformed my life.

@Beforeithappened I was in bits after my ADHD assessment. It felt absolutely brutal, and I had to go back to work afterwards!

I think that it is very common to need a period of adjustment after diagnosis. I am just over 6 months in, and still learning lots about myself, including re-examining many aspects of my history and personality.

Be gentle with yourself as you go on this journey

@Beforeithappened I’m sorry that your assessment left you feeling picked over and judged.

I felt similar when I recieved my written report, seeing everything in black and white was devastating to say the least.

I was not prepared for the grief of all my lost potential and all the injustices I had been subjected to because it wasn’t spotted earlier.

I haven’t got any advice really on how to alter feeling like this other than everyone feels a bit of a fraud with their diagnosis BUT WE’RE NOT!!!

If I’m honest the only things that helped me were talking it through with a sympathetic ear and time to adjust.

Good luck and please know you’re not alone.

So sorry that you're feeling so raw Before. My eldest has just been diagnosed with ADHD and the Community Paeds have recommended that DC2 is also screened for ADHD, they are currently on the ASD pathway.

Having ADHD would make a lot of sense for me, I'm trying to get brave enough to ask for an assessment.