Sick of never fitting in

Clarice99 · 04/04/2023 18:37

BrightWater · 04/04/2023 18:12

I don't fit in anywhere with groups of people because I always, always get it wrong. It doesn't matter if it's "real life" or online communities, I haven't been able to "find my people" for such a long time. I think I did a bit about 15 years ago briefly but that's it. I work, have a family, etc. I'm lucky even tho I'm subpar at it all. I'm great at meeting new people as a one off. But I always screw social interactions up after a short time. I'm too blunt, I'm too sensitive. I hate this. I'm ground down with it. I can't deal with it anymore.

You fit in here @BrightWater 🌻

Original poster

BrightWater · 04/04/2023 20:30

@Clarice99 that's so kind that it's made me cry. Thank you.

But it's only because I don't post much. I would soon slip up if i did, I'd only end up inadvertently upsetting people. I've already done it twice today. I can't even be socially acceptable online. I'm a disgrace.

OP posts:

Clarice99 · 04/04/2023 20:43

I don't think you'd slip up @BrightWater and you're not a disgrace! We're accepting of differences over here and we seem to 'get' each other so post as much as you want, if you feel like it.

I'll share with you that I also felt like you for decades. Post diagnosis, I stopped caring what other people think. It's liberating to finally not give a shit 😄

Original poster

BrightWater · 04/04/2023 20:57

❤️

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RockhoppersLovePoppers · 05/04/2023 21:33

Hey there, I did reply and quote you in that thread suggesting you start a thread for parents of autistic children.

The thread has very very good intentions, but it's too much for me to keep up with. So many have joined and with threads like that, over time it becomes clear that some guidance (rules) are needed at the start.

Try not to take it personally, easier said than done 💖

I was on a (specific subject) chat thread on here a long time ago but stopped posting. Too many posters, too much off topic discussion. Everyone tagging and replying to other people (and I can't remember full usernames). People ignoring my posts. I still read it now years later but no one even noticed I left.

It's difficult, online is difficult, people are difficult, conversation is difficult. Knowing when it's your turn, if you've said too much or too little. It's all a bloody minefield xxx

YourTruthorMine · 05/04/2023 21:39

Weirdly, I always upset people online, in real life I just play dumb and keep quiet, works well, but doesn't get me any friends. I find many online discussions consist of a stream of people agreeing with each other, without adding anything new to the conversation. Boring!

Original poster

BrightWater · 05/04/2023 21:47

@RockhoppersLovePoppers so sorry, I have notifications switched off to avoid overwhelm, sorry I missed that, I wasn't ignoring you. So kind of you to reply xx
I wasn't the poster who asked the question, I responded to him and then to someone else about it but I got the impression I'd overstepped and upset people, which I hate.
Anyway, I don't want this to become a thread about a thread and it's my problem problem, no one else's.
Thank you for your kindness xxx

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RockhoppersLovePoppers · 05/04/2023 22:08

BrightWater · 05/04/2023 21:47

@RockhoppersLovePoppers so sorry, I have notifications switched off to avoid overwhelm, sorry I missed that, I wasn't ignoring you. So kind of you to reply xx
I wasn't the poster who asked the question, I responded to him and then to someone else about it but I got the impression I'd overstepped and upset people, which I hate.
Anyway, I don't want this to become a thread about a thread and it's my problem problem, no one else's.
Thank you for your kindness xxx

I've absolutely no idea then. See, my brain can't even follow it.

Definitely not a taat (especially as its a very lovely wholesome and heartwarming thread). It was more to check you were OK. That's all 💖.
My whole phone has no notifications at all, I'm with you there 😁

RockhoppersLovePoppers · 05/04/2023 22:10

YourTruthorMine · 05/04/2023 21:39

Weirdly, I always upset people online, in real life I just play dumb and keep quiet, works well, but doesn't get me any friends. I find many online discussions consist of a stream of people agreeing with each other, without adding anything new to the conversation. Boring!

Totally understand, I'm a placater also. I've been trying for a long time to "unmask" online, but I don't seem to be able to fully. It's so ingrained.
Show me the agreement on mumsnet 😆

Original poster

BrightWater · 06/04/2023 02:46

I post under other usernames on other topics to preserve anonymity, and I get so frustrated with people ignoring facts and never, ever changing their minds when presented with new information. I used to be like that offline as well but I have learned to squash it down, nod and smile for an easy life. It's hard.

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Original poster

BrightWater · 06/04/2023 02:47

I mean I used to get visibly frustrated with people ignoring facts but now I just absorb the disappointment quietly.

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RockhoppersLovePoppers · 06/04/2023 07:33

Some people just don't want to listen.

I had the same username for years but recently learnt how to name change so just do that now more than I think I need. I'm not confrontational enough to be a good mumsnet poster.

My last name change was from basically being bullied pretty much off a thread for misunderstanding something. Browsing is easier

RockhoppersLovePoppers · 06/04/2023 07:33

"I absorb the disappointment quietly". Love that!

Craftycorvid · 06/04/2023 07:47

I think ‘I absorb the disappointment quietly’ should be my motto! Sensing I’m not quite on everyone else’s wavelength has made me over-solicitous of pleasing others, and coupled with a tendency to not quite fathom what the rules are in different settings, my pleasing has also sometimes been mis-read. It can feel ‘can’t win’ a lot of the time. More recently, I have been experimenting with just telling people ‘this is how I think’, ‘this is what happens when….’ with no apology attached. People will draw what conclusions they decide to draw. People who are thoughtful and respectful will accept my version of me, and anyone who doesn’t….I probably don’t want to hang out with them in any case. This has been a long time coming. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, I’m waiting for one, but oddly enough, just accepting I am probably neurodivergent has made me a lot more comfortable with owning my way of being.