Not coping with my ADHD diagnosis

[WhyWhyWhyDeliah]

I've name changed - because I feel embarrassed about all of this...

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with moderate to severe combined ADHD and prescribed Elvanse 30mg. I also have a 30 year long issue with eating disorders - binge eating and bulimia which is the main reason I sought the ADHD diagnosis as there is good evidence the two can be linked and the treatment for ADHD can help with eating disorder symptoms.

I had a couple of jittery days when I first started taking Elvanse but now feel completely normal. I am getting more done at work - I made a plan at the start of the week and largely stuck to it for the first time ever, and my binge eating symptoms have reduced a little.

My issue is that I don't really believe in ADHD... I am too embarrassed to tell everyone I've got a diagnosis (except my DH and best friend) and I feel like I am spending a ton of time not doing anything useful and wondering if its because I am just useless.

My middle child (8 years) shows signs of ADHD too - she can't concentrate, fidgets, dances when she should be doing other things, sometimes she just cannot stop talking even though she's not really saying anything, she can't remember simple instructions or tasks. She's doing ok at school (average) but the teacher says she's slow to start and then slow to finish. She's sweet, funny and eager to please so the school think she's brilliant.

I have massive reservations about seeking a diagnosis for her, I don't want her to feel as shit about herself as I do about myself, burdened by an unfixable diagnosis and feeling there is something wrong with her - but the psychiatrist I saw says that's part of the issue with undiagnosed ADHD is that it impacts your self esteem because you struggle with things so much. I don't want that for her either.

I just want to go to bed and not deal with any of this. I think I expected the medication to just magically fix all the things that I think are wrong with me, and that hasn't happened. I am exactly the same person that I was before I was diagnosed but somehow I just feel so much worse.

Has anyone else been here and can offer some words of hope?!!

Please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. If you think your daughter may also have adhd I would recommend getting her diagnosed the earlier the diagnosis the earlier therapy and coping mechanisms can be put in place and will help her in the long run. Have you had any kind of therapy since your diagnosis CBT or something may help.

The meds are doing their job, it's just you need help for your mental health now, and that's really not unusual after a diagnosis. Look at it this way, you spent your life thinking of yourself as one thing, but actually you're different so you have to completely reframe your life.

I'm 5 months post diagnosis, and my life has improved so, so much.

Thank you both... I had a long heart to heart with DH last night which has made me feel a bit better... I know I'm feeling really sorry for myself!

I'm not seeing my psychiatrist again until May. I have another appointment with the ADHD assessor to check my response to medication next week, and I presume talk about titrating up my dose.

I did say to DH that I don't feel like I know who I am any more.

We've agreed not to get DD assessed for the time being. We want to get me sorted out and feeling less bleak about everything so that we are in a good place to support her if required. I'd like to do it during the summer holidays which gives me a few months to sort my head out a bit.

Have you done any reading or listened to any talks about ADHD? There is a lot of opinionated bullshit about it unfortunately which can be difficult because all those myths can feed into feeling shit about things. I've found it really helpful to listen to some stuff from actual experts like Russell Barkley for instance. Some of it is pretty devastating (fair warning) but it's useful because for me listening to what the research thinks is happening on a biological/neurological basis is helpful and helps me feel less crap and understand how/why medicine helps.