Adhd assessment - so stressed

[Everyotherone]

I have an adhd assessment booked for a few weeks time and I’m getting very stressed. I’m in Ireland where’s there’s no option but to go private, and I’ve never taken this much money out of the family finances for something. It’s fine if I get diagnosed but if I don’t I’m going to feel like it’s a huge waste of money on a vanity project.

I have a history of anxiety, depression and did well within the structure of school, and while I know those factors are true of a lot of middle aged women with adhd, I know they’re also given as reasons not to diagnose as well.

The more I’ve learned about adhd the more sense my life (every part of it) makes but I’m also worried that I know too much and might inadvertently be seeing everything through a lens and answering the assessment questions with a bias. And I also worry that it’s a form of social contagion and being in an internet echo chamber. I wish there was a blood test I could take that would give a definite answer.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this at my age - I’ve missed and wasted so many opportunities. And I don’t tolerate medicine well - antidepressants and anti anxiety meds were awful.

I’m just at the start of exploring whether I have ADHD and I know I’m autistic- self dx but about to see my GP/go the BUPA route. I have similar what ifs to you but a very good friend who has a lot of personal experience of ASC/ADHD pointed out to me that an adult who does NOT have ADHD/isn’t autistic wouldn’t even think that they were neurodivergent in the first place. I do understand the anxiety around this though. And the second-guessing!

And also, low tolerance of medication (and also recreational drugs and alcohol) can be traits of ADHD. Do you think you might be seeking validation through your assessment? I know I am. Hugs for you though. It’s a difficult thing to navigate 💐

"...but I’m also worried that I know too much and might inadvertently be seeing everything through a lens and answering the assessment questions with a bias. And I also worry that it’s a form of social contagion and being in an internet echo chamber. I wish there was a blood test I could take that would give a definite answer.

felt this about my autism too.

This is exactly how I feel OP. I’m waiting for an NHS assessment as fortunate enough to have a service contracted locally to mop up all the extra referrals due to the zeitgeist & not in a position to pay privately. But fear (from looking at the service & psychiatrists they use - basically general adult MH & not ADHD specialists as advised by NICE) they won’t be nuanced enough to detect ADHD in a perimenopausal middle aged woman who just has depression & anxiety & much less overt symptoms.
So if anything try to remind yourself that yours - hopefully being a private service - will be specialists in it & therefore used to seeing all kinds of presentations & skilled at being able to identify it.

Mine will be via Teams & I’m finding that really stressful too. I fear it will be a real barrier & prevent me from coming across properly.

It’s awful though isn’t it the degree of fear & gaslighting we do to ourselves about getting a diagnosis or assessed - especially when it feels like finally there is an answer for how & why we may have behaved & felt for the majority of our lives?

I worry that as masking is my default that it will stop me from being able to be vulnerable/real.

I too have read everything about it & worry about exactly the same as you.

As others have said if you were NT you would t be feeling this strongly about how you feel it fits you. And you wouldn’t be able to identify with it to the degree you do.

So I’m going to take comfort from that & hope. Let us know how you get on. Sending you strength & solidarity 💐