Feel on edge initiating social stuff

[Goldandpurplezebra]

I've worked hard at making friends in the last year. And I've got a couple of groups of good friends now. But when I message them to ask to do something I feel awful about it. I'm absolutely dreading their reply as I'm so worried that they will say no....actually I'm dreading my reaction to them saying no. I'm secure enough in the friendships to know that they want to spend time with me so I know rationally if they can't its fine. But I feel humiliated if they say they are busy.

I don't feel like that humiliation is valid.

I used to let it get in the way of me initiating anything now I don't let it get in the way but I still have to put up with the feelings that come with initiating stuff.

It's so annoying. It's exhausting. I want to just put my phone on silent and put it away for a while to leasing the feeling of being on edge but I need it for other stuff.

Has anyone got over this?

It's great that there's a Neurodivergent section but it's a bit soul destroying when nobody replies

Sorry op - no advice about how to get past it, but I do completely recognise the feeling. I have met with so much hostility and indifference over the years that the default position for me tends to be that anyone I meet won't like me or want to spend any time with me. I only have two friends who I can be fairly confident about and I tend to assume that they will mostly spend time with their other friends.

I agree that this board can be quiet - I wish it were busier, it's really helpful to talk about these things.

I've gradually turned am my phone notifications off my phone. I'm very good at avoiding people.

It's good that you have good friends. Do you just feel very sensitive, like rejected if they can't (even if they have valid reasons)

Might it be better for you to try setting up your next meet in person?

I would say your feelings are valid whether they make logical sense to you or not, so try not to add an extra burden onto yourself by judging an emotional reaction you’re having.

I think you’re doing great even just being able to think it through and recognise what’s going on. You’re doing the hardest bit already by not letting it stop you.

I completely understand the exhaustion, but I imagine with time as you do it more and more the feelings will disappear on their own, as the supporting evidence will weigh in on the side of people not rejecting you. Just keep going through the process and you will come out the other side eventually.

I bought this book for my son. Then I was (late) diagnosed myself. So much in here makes perfect sense.

I can (and do) make the effort to mix/socialise. But… SUCH hard work!