Aibu to be completely fed up by these reactions

[AnotherBreakfast]

DS has been referred by school for ASD. Day to day, we do ok. But he has his moments and creating balance/space for him to cope isn't always easy. Key challenges are around social skills.
Reactions from ppl/family so far when we have said he has been referred:
"He seems fine"
"He doesn't sound/seem any different to me/my child"
"We all are a bit like that/we're all neurodiverse"
"You don't want him to have a label that follows him around"

Have others experienced this??? Everytime I get one of these reactions it makes me so frustrated... I try to explain that we just want to give him the best support and best understand how he experiences the word, and am often made to feel like I'm being a hysterical parent....

To be charitable, some people maybe don't know how you feel about it so they say general things like "he seems fine" to be reassuring to you without being specific about what they mean by that.

But also as demonstrated elsewhere on MN recently some people seem to find the idea of neurodiversity in their midst quite...threatening? I haven't fully made sense of this. Does anyone have good theories?

I think often it's exactly the problem of being neurotypical that they talk a lot of meaningless filler crap. They say those things (sometimes) as a dismissive, "it will all be fine", like being asked "how are you?" and the only acceptable answer is "fine thanks" this is like the reverse situation of that, shutting down any deeper, possibly difficult discussion.

It's not right, no, and I am sure you are sick of hearing it, but I wouldn't take it as an actually malicious dismissal for most of it (obviously depending who from).

Thanks both. I guess I'm quite embracing of differences and making space for these in the world so get frustrated by people who seem to feel like these differences should be ignored... like they shouldn't be acknowledged and thought about.

I think because we're also in the place where we don't have an actual diagnosis, it is hard to argue back...

You are right that everybody deserves space, and right it is frustrating!

It's just easy (believe me I know) to think it's malicious, when it really isn't, it's ignorant and dismissive, which is still wrong obviously, but not said be to be harmful or hurtful, even if it is.

Thats part of the power a formal diagnosis has, a firm rock on which to base your words, that cannot be argued with. I hope things progress quickly for your son.